Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Phoenix6570 » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:00 pm

I know that statement doesn't apply to everyone and not all straight-acting men are assholes; its just a way to get your attention :D . I make this statement based off the behavior of many straight-acting men act online. Many have adopted an asshole persona and seem quite proud of it. The behaviors I notice are mainly arrogance, discrimination, and disregard for others. Some men act like they're the best thing you'll ever get near and if you don't fit their rigid set of demands then they will simply ignore your existence.

Discrimination plays a big part in this also. I don't understand why some men go out of their way to make some of the statements they make. If you don't like a particular physique or ethnicity that's fine, but on many occasional I've seen guys post things that are just outright offensive. I hate seeing people get reduced to a label deemed less than everyone else.

What really gets me about it is how these guys expect someone to willingly sign themselves up for that. Why get involved with someone who has no problem showing everyone how much of an asshole they're in a couple of sentences?
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby nimby » Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:57 pm

Agreed. These guys are so self absorbed it's not funny. What I've realised is that, sure they may be good looking on the outside, but once you get to know them they become so much less attractive. Wait till they get older, they won't be so pretty anymore, but still have shitty personalities. That'll be two strikes against them.

I'll take a guy with a good heart any day. To me they are just so sexy. :D
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Keeper » Thu Sep 15, 2011 5:55 am

disagree.
What some see as arrogance is more of an absence of inclusion.
There is such a wide gap between a lot of guy's behaviors and that of the larger 'gay community', that there is very little in common.

One can't expect a love fest of acceptance from someone who shares little in common with you.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Phoenix6570 » Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:08 pm

I saw this posting today on Craigslist it gives an idea of the behavior I'm talking about.

Don't care for the gay culture however I would like a friend with benefits. No life partner or marriage. Not into sissy boys. Rather the guy that cleans the stables than the one that owns it. Like men that are not afraid to get dirty and sweat. Manual labor is good. My age give or take 5 years. Not interested in models, but not into fat, sloppy pigs that make no effort to be healthy. Stats welcome, pictures unreliable. Would meet before to see if mutual interest. fifty-five 5'7" 180 lbs earthy type.


This isn't the worst but honestly was it really necessary to say not into sissy boys? Why not just say looking for masculine men. Thats an easy way to express what you want without offending anyone. What really angers me is the "not into fat, sloppy pigs that make no effort to be healthy." I'm overweight so this bothesr me. I see men discriminate against overweight men all the time. All thats needed is please be height/weight proportional. Instead he makes a rude statement assuming everyone overweight isn't doing a thing about it, and to call us pigs is just demeaning.

My problem is the lack of respect for fellow men. I hate feeling like these people take any opportunity to degrade another and wholeheartedly do so.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby nimby » Sat Sep 24, 2011 10:21 pm

Phoenix, you are absolutely right. I see it all the time. But most gay men are very shallow. They always have been and always will be. Something you have to get used to or convert to being straight. It's funny how gay men scream for acceptance from society, yet fail to accept many right in their own community. We don't deserve acceptance.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby ProMale » Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:51 pm

Why are women cunts? Why is misandry acceptable but misogyny not?
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Earl Butz » Sat Dec 03, 2011 9:06 pm

People in general are totally self absorbed. The whole world revolves around them. What do I need, what do I want, what will make me happy? Me me me me me me

I know love at first sight is possible, though. I've experienced it. Much more common, however, is hate at first sight. I've experienced that thousands of times.... :?
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Cachasa » Tue Dec 20, 2011 7:57 pm

I think the internet makes people assholes. When you can post something completely anonymously without any consequences then you start getting sh*t like, "No sissies, No fats".
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby nimby » Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:10 pm

Yes, the ever popular, "Internet Balls Syndrome." Some people even develop an entirely different persona on the net. I've seen it many times. That kills me. I've believe that one should converse on the internet just as though the person is sitting in the same room as them, but i guess I'm old fashioned.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby DeckApe » Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:34 am

nimby wrote:Yes, the ever popular, "Internet Balls Syndrome." Some people even develop an entirely different persona on the net. I've seen it many times. That kills me. I've believe that one should converse on the internet just as though the person is sitting in the same room as them, but i guess I'm old fashioned.


Nothing wrong with being old-fashioned. I've found myself putting the clutch in and deleting the message (in other places, not here) because I stopped to think, "I wouldn't say that to their face." It's a start.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Ben » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:46 pm

I must have been very lucky then.
Very seldom have I met a straight-acting guy who's been a jerk. When that happens, he's usually not right in the head to begin with.
Honestly I have had more problems with bitchy queen fems who think they're above criticism, because being a bitch is part of their "fabulous" persona.

Cachasa wrote:I think the internet makes people assholes. When you can post something completely anonymously without any consequences then you start getting sh*t like, "No sissies, No fats".


I have no problem with for example contact ads that say "no sissies, no fats". On the contrary I think it's quite understandable, and I've done it myself back when I was still "on the market and looking".
I ended my ad with "PS: Not interested in fems". I didn't do it to be an asshole to anyone. I was just letting everybody know what I was, and wasn't into. That way my time isn't wasted, nor is that of the fems.

The way it works is, if you're at the point where you wanna meet somebody, whether it's for making a f***-buddy or for finding an long term partner, you wanna make sure you meet somebody who fits your preferences. After all, you wanna connect with somebody, thus personal chemistry is vital. If a man is into traditionally masculine men, they're not gonna invite the exact opposite type.

More over, in most cases when guys complain about straight-acting men and their "discriminating preferences", the complainers are .... shall we say less than masculine - and they seem to be doing a LOT of searches for masculine men! When they find out that many straight-acting men aren't interested in fems, they whine about how unfair and intolerant these men are, and that "we're all gay and should be equals" etc etc etc - and in doing so basically stating that nobody is allowed to have specific preferences in demeanor, with themselves being the exception. Otherwise the these fems would hook up with each other, and not sit on youtube and bitterly complain about SA guys' disinterest.

In short, if you're a fem, you're allowed to have preferences when it comes do demeanor. If you're traditionally masculine, you're more or less slapped with an obligation to hook up with the first fem that comes along.

Going back to the original topic - from the post I've just made, I think it's fairly evident that at least in my personal experience, fems are more likely to be assholes than straight-acting men are.
Of course, that sentiment is forbidden according to the Gay Rulebook... :twisted:
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby DeckApe » Fri Jan 11, 2013 4:32 pm

Ben (and welcome back, BTW), I can't think of a single thing to add you your post. You've encapsulated my sentiments perfectly.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Lesley R. Charles » Fri Jan 11, 2013 6:56 pm

I think masculine men and femme boys equally have the same chance of being assholes. Are you being an asshole if you state you are not interested in blonds? No, you are stating what doesn't attract you and hence making sure you are not wasting other people's time as well as yours. I have no problem with stating that you are not interested in femme guys. Ben you have the right to be attracted to whoever and I am glad that all is going well with you. I myself love men to be men and am put off by femmes even though I am one myself, or at least a woman.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Earl Butz » Sat Jan 12, 2013 4:09 pm

I don't know. Gay straight men women. At the end of the day, we're all just pigs fighting for our share of the slop tray.

Looking back, the biggest aholes I ever encountered were middle school kids. And now instead of insults, they take guns to school. Yikes. :shock:
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby hugedownunder » Mon Jul 22, 2013 6:06 am

In short, if you're a fem, you're allowed to have preferences when it comes do demeanor. If you're traditionally masculine, you're more or less slapped with an obligation to hook up with the first fem that comes along.

Ben, you can't be serious. As a 'fem' myself the last guy I would want to sleep with or be with is 'straight acting'.

We 'fems' aren't complaining about the fact you won't be with us because we don't want to be with you!
We are complaining that the phrase 'no fats or fems' is divisive.

Again, we don't want to sleep with you. We are not asking for sex or your validation. Just respect.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby thisisme33 » Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:06 am

Ben wrote:I must have been very lucky then.
Very seldom have I met a straight-acting guy who's been a jerk. When that happens, he's usually not right in the head to begin with.
Honestly I have had more problems with bitchy queen fems who think they're above criticism, because being a bitch is part of their "fabulous" persona.

Cachasa wrote:I think the internet makes people assholes. When you can post something completely anonymously without any consequences then you start getting sh*t like, "No sissies, No fats".


I have no problem with for example contact ads that say "no sissies, no fats". On the contrary I think it's quite understandable, and I've done it myself back when I was still "on the market and looking".
I ended my ad with "PS: Not interested in fems". I didn't do it to be an asshole to anyone. I was just letting everybody know what I was, and wasn't into. That way my time isn't wasted, nor is that of the fems.

The way it works is, if you're at the point where you wanna meet somebody, whether it's for making a f***-buddy or for finding an long term partner, you wanna make sure you meet somebody who fits your preferences. After all, you wanna connect with somebody, thus personal chemistry is vital. If a man is into traditionally masculine men, they're not gonna invite the exact opposite type.

More over, in most cases when guys complain about straight-acting men and their "discriminating preferences", the complainers are .... shall we say less than masculine - and they seem to be doing a LOT of searches for masculine men! When they find out that many straight-acting men aren't interested in fems, they whine about how unfair and intolerant these men are, and that "we're all gay and should be equals" etc etc etc - and in doing so basically stating that nobody is allowed to have specific preferences in demeanor, with themselves being the exception. Otherwise the these fems would hook up with each other, and not sit on youtube and bitterly complain about SA guys' disinterest.

In short, if you're a fem, you're allowed to have preferences when it comes do demeanor. If you're traditionally masculine, you're more or less slapped with an obligation to hook up with the first fem that comes along.

Going back to the original topic - from the post I've just made, I think it's fairly evident that at least in my personal experience, fems are more likely to be assholes than straight-acting men are.
Of course, that sentiment is forbidden according to the Gay Rulebook... :twisted:


Nicely put....how true....fems make out like we are obliged to be attracted to them (but of course they aren't into their own kind) or seem to think their feminine ways turn us on like some woman (they all seem to kid themselves that we love women but will make to with do with them cause they are oh-so-feminine SO NOT TRUE.....but hold on...we are HOMOsexuals (take a hint from the word).....we like men and we (most of us) certainly are not interested in some guy who refuses to even make use of his genitalia (not to mention all the other unappealing fem traits)......I have always said that fems did well when society was homophobic and there were few options for masculine guys and they were swishing about making their sexuality known to all.....but now that has changed and they are losing out!
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Ben » Thu Jan 23, 2014 9:57 am

hugedownunder wrote:
Ben wrote:In short, if you're a fem, you're allowed to have preferences when it comes do demeanor. If you're traditionally masculine, you're more or less slapped with an obligation to hook up with the first fem or gay-boi that comes along.


Ben, you can't be serious. As a 'fem' myself the last guy I would want to sleep with or be with is 'straight acting'.

We 'fems' aren't complaining about the fact you won't be with us because we don't want to be with you!
We are complaining that the phrase 'no fats or fems' is divisive.

Again, we don't want to sleep with you. We are not asking for sex or your validation. Just respect.



Sorry if this is somewhat of a belated reply, but yes I'm being quite serious. And admittedly, topics like these piss me off.

First of all, the purposes of contact ads are usually pragmatic. You tell a bit about yourself, state what you're into, and what you're not into. Boom - you're out there, and if guys like what they see and read, they contact you and then maybe some magic happens. I don't see anything wrong with this, and I sure would not take offense if a fem wrote "No masc guys" - and that does happen. In fact, str8acting men aren't the only ones who put "no fats", "No Asians", "No **fill in the blank** "at the end of their presentations. It's just OK when fems do it because being bitchy and selective is part of their fabulous persona, and they deserve nothing but the best. When str8acting men do it, we're being divisive assholes.

Secondly, I doubt you're speaking for all fems. I've seen too many YouTube vlogs where fems complain about str8acting men's discriminatory preferences, to know that most of them are outright self serving. It's not about being respectful to your fellow gays, it's about their reaction to being rejected by that manly hunk they had their eyes on. So they play the Discriminated Against-card. And that BS seems to be working here too, because this debate has been going on since the hay-day of SA.net. This site claims to be for str8acting men who come here to hang out and get to know like-minded men, but it has never provided a nurturing environment for them.
On the contrary, the site has always been bottom heavy with BS sentiments like the ones above, which sent it into an identity crisis that ultimately ended up killing it. This was more a place where the "fabulous" crowd gathered in the hopes of finding that masculine man of their dreams, and of course you're not gonna be popular if you're a str8acting man coming here stating that you only like str8acting men, or that you don't like men who act out every gay stereotype in the book. I should know because when I was a moderator I PMd with a lot of them, as they were leaving in disappointment, asking them to stay and stick it out for the good of the community. After all, without str8acting guys, there can be no Straightacting.net. But in the end that's exactly what happened.

That's why I think http://www.regularguys.org got it right.
They actually do a screening test before accepting new members, in order to make sure they're a good fit.
Last edited by Ben on Wed Feb 05, 2014 12:13 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Lesley R. Charles » Fri Jan 24, 2014 8:52 am

I agree with what Ben posted. I do not think it is wrong to post "no blank line reply" if you are not into it. I think playing discrimination is not the way to go. Personally for me, if I notice I am turning guys off, I look to myself and my actions to see if I am doing something to turn them off. In the end I try to be me but see if there is a way to tone down my feminineness. I am naturally femme and try not act over the top as extremes do tend to turn off others. Just be yourself and be comfortable with yourself and that is what is important. I know I am a minority but I have never bashed the more masculine guys here, they are all great. Remember we are all individuals and not a stereotype.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Ben » Sat Jan 25, 2014 9:29 pm

Lesley R. Charles wrote:...I know I am a minority but I have never bashed the more masculine guys here, they are all great. Remember we are all individuals and not a stereotype.


I'm str8acting and I approve this messsage :wink:

Jokes aside, yeah Lesley you were never one of those people. Always amicable, always ready to see other people's viewpoint. :wink:
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Lesley R. Charles » Tue Feb 04, 2014 10:53 am

Ben wrote:
Lesley R. Charles wrote:...I know I am a minority but I have never bashed the more masculine guys here, they are all great. Remember we are all individuals and not a stereotype.


I'm str8acting and I approve this messsage :wink:

Jokes aside, yeah Lesley you were never one of those people. Always amicable, always ready to see other people's viewpoint. :wink:


Thanks Ben, those compliments mean a lot to me.

Ben, I have always found you to be who you are and to me you are not straight acting as much as you are a masculine man who enjoys being masculine. I will say this for the board I have always felt accepted. Ben your posts have always helped me see the other side. :wink:
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby nimby » Sun Feb 09, 2014 10:04 pm

Also, straight acting doesn't necessarily mean ultra masculine either.
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Ben » Mon Feb 10, 2014 6:39 pm

nimby wrote:Also, straight acting doesn't necessarily mean ultra masculine either.


We've kinda coming off-topic, but I've always viewed "str8acting" as the rather narrow spectrum starting at the way most straight guys behave (average joe, dad types), and up to just below ultra masculine. Above that, it starts becoming kinda gay lol. :lol:
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby Lesley R. Charles » Wed Feb 12, 2014 9:44 pm

Ben wrote:
nimby wrote:Also, straight acting doesn't necessarily mean ultra masculine either.


We've kinda coming off-topic, but I've always viewed "str8acting" as the rather narrow spectrum starting at the way most straight guys behave (average joe, dad types), and up to just below ultra masculine. Above that, it starts becoming kinda gay lol. :lol:

Ben, that is how I view "straight-acting" probably closer to your average Joe so yes a straight-actor would be masculine. I know from personal experience growing up that feminine behavior in a boy is frowned upon. I can count on both hands and feet how many times I was told to be a little man. lol
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Re: Why are straight-acting men assholes?

Postby nimby » Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:11 pm

"A gentle boy is called a sissy. A gentle man is called... a gentleman." :)
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