How do you know if a guy is gay?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby nimby » Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:00 pm

How about if a guy stands right beside you at the urinal and watches you pee? :shock: Yup. Happened today.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby Phoenix6570 » Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:07 pm

^ Jeez thats kinda weird. I don't know if I would get turned on or freaked out. Its one thing to sneak a few peeks but to stare?! What a bold individual.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby Guinness Fan » Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:26 pm

^^ I'd have stage fright...
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby Schlodesss » Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:45 pm

NImby I had the opposite happen, I was working at Walmart years ago, and went on break, went into the washroom with this one other guy, won't lie I liked him too, he walked up to the urinal then backed up and pulled out a monster and went for it. I looked for nothing other than the wholly fack factor [I couldn't help it, I just went :shock: ] then froze and pretended it didn't happen... I just started there and didn't want any drama.. I wish I would have said something looking back.. that was the most blatant thing anyone has ever done to me and I was still telling myself "nah, can't be" at the time it happened. He invited me over to help fix a car he had there, but, he was also married and his wife was receiving chemo for cancer so no matter how much I tried to put my mind there it kept coming back :? Too bad I still think about him.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby westboard » Sun Aug 22, 2010 4:54 am

oh man...so i'm still in school right? in a physiology lab class a few semesters back and i would catch this dude staring at me. He was pretty cute, no actually he was really cute...and hot...and STARING at me. i was like "wtf is his deal??" he'd stare at me for extended periods of time...i mean up to a minute, i see him via a reflection off a black plastic paper towel dispenser, and when i look at him (cuz i can't help but steal glances) he'd break eye contant. And whenever i dont realize he's staring and i just happen to look at him, i get nervous and by reflex break contact instantaneously, and not smoothly.

man, that semester i'd think up scenarios of me asking him why he's staring at me, if he had a problem with me or...if he wanted to hang out or something, but of course i was too chicken sh*t. He had some very minor feminine mannerisms but nothing major, couldn't tell if he was gay or straight (just how i like 'em, but therein itself lies the conflict since my gaydar sucks)

He was Persian and i was asking around about him, but they told me Persion guys take machismo seriously and are easily offended if you compromise it or suggest differently. :?
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby butch » Sun Aug 22, 2010 2:04 pm

westboard wrote:oh man...so i'm still in school right? in a physiology lab class a few semesters back and i would catch this dude staring at me. He was pretty cute, no actually he was really cute...and hot...and STARING at me. i was like "wtf is his deal??" he'd stare at me for extended periods of time...i mean up to a minute, i see him via a reflection off a black plastic paper towel dispenser, and when i look at him (cuz i can't help but steal glances) he'd break eye contant. And whenever i dont realize he's staring and i just happen to look at him, i get nervous and by reflex break contact instantaneously, and not smoothly.

man, that semester i'd think up scenarios of me asking him why he's staring at me, if he had a problem with me or...if he wanted to hang out or something, but of course i was too chicken sh*t. He had some very minor feminine mannerisms but nothing major, couldn't tell if he was gay or straight (just how i like 'em, but therein itself lies the conflict since my gaydar sucks)

He was Persian and i was asking around about him, but they told me Persion guys take machismo seriously and are easily offended if you compromise it or suggest differently. :?


He's gay.

Persians, like Mormons and Jehovah's Witness types may have great difficulty dealing with their "gay" self and may have difficulty coming out. If they act on their feelings and are close to family they may want to be quite secretive about it all. Ironically, Persians have had a long history of man-man closeness... but women are lower class beings (thank the Koran) and "being a man" is a big deal.

Don't ask him why he stares. Ask him out if he's interesting, or just smile back at him... i.e. let him know you know he's looking.

Self confidence can be acquired through practice. If you act like you're in charge, people will be inclined to believe you actually are. Take charge.

And never worry about what other people think. It's your life and it's a lot shorter than you realize.

Have fun and enjoy life while you are young and healthy. The "golden years" are full of aches and pains. Make hay while the sun shines.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby westboard » Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:46 pm

butch wrote:Don't ask him why he stares. Ask him out if he's interesting, or just smile back at him... i.e. let him know you know he's looking.

Self confidence can be acquired through practice. If you act like you're in charge, people will be inclined to believe you actually are. Take charge.


I did ONCE have the courage to smile back at him and nod when i saw him looking, but he immediately broke eye contact and looked back at the professor...freakin PUNK!! hahah

But i do agree that if they're really religious, traditional, or close to family it can be a big hinderance. I myself am close to family (immigrated here in the late 80s so they're real traditional) and everything i do thats gay related i keep from them. I do plan on tell them tho...once i get my PhD :D

Funny thing is i've had heart to hearts with a few people who say that i exert confidence in the way i carry myself...but i myself don't feel confident. im still working at internalizing the confidence that i apparently externalize.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby Anon23 » Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:28 pm

Hey all,
I am having the same trouble I have been seeing many people posting in this topic, my "gaydar" doesn't seem to function at optimal capacity.
This is my first post so be nice please... Anyways, I am a bi guy and there is this guy in my grade that I've known forever (like he lives down the street from me and we were friends until like 6th grade when we kinda drifted apart; we are 11th graders now) and I have begun to notice that he is amazingly hot (and he plays soccer, and I have a thing... Never mind that).
Anyways, recently (as I said we really haven spoken since 6th grade and we are 11ty graders now) he has been trying to start convos with me and just general stuff, nothing special... But we have math together and in the beginning of the year I sat in the middle of the class (like dead center, also I have had my seat moved since but), center so much so that if you look in the direction of it you can't be watching the teacher. Anyways couple of times I caught him looking over and as soon as I saw him he moved his head back to either the teacher or scribbled (like lines) in his notebook. After that he started giving me the cutest smile in the hallways (did I mention his smile is cute enough to melt steel?) and then we encountered eachother in the bathroom... I said hi and he said hi back, normal bathroom stuff, then I went to use the urinal (I would liketo mention at this point he was washing his hands) as soon as I took the position of peeing I started hearing a kinda rubbing (jeans on skin) noise... Then about half the way through I heard him wash his hands (again) and start to walk out... In the doorway I heard him re-attach ("hook") his belt, then he left.
Out of all that jumbled data I have given you, can I get some help? If it does seem to you all like hes interested how do I try to make sure he is/take action on it?
Thanks for the help,
J
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby nimby » Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:37 pm

Hmmm... interesting story. How about this. Since you and him really haven't been close for a few years, try to get to know one another again. Become friends then take it one day at a time and see where it goes. You don't want to scare him off if he just wants to be friends, but still, he may want to be more too. Just go slow and start talking.

Cheers and welcome!
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby Anon23 » Fri Nov 09, 2012 3:54 pm

Hey,
Thanks Nimby, will do!
Thanks,
J
PS sat closer too him today in math and I could sworn I saw him looking at me a few times, and a sweet smile at the lockers...
Addition: (I know this doesn't mean much) but we were texting earlier and he took a side in a chat we were having about something our school was doing, a contest of sorts for Gus (like a popularity contest) and he sad that just straight up having the title for winning was cool enough, I countered with that it was silly and that they should get somethig and he immediately changed his opinion... Is he trying to please me by agreeing with me or did I just convince him without really saying anything? (I prefer the first but the latter is highly possible)
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby nimby » Sun Nov 11, 2012 8:14 pm

Hmmm, that'd be hard to tell, but think what ever makes you happy. No harm in that at all.

Cheers!
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby Anon23 » Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:06 pm

Alright all,
I'm back for some more help if you will give it; my crush acts kinda off around me... He goes out of his way to help me (although he is a very caring person) and in the hallways when i smile at him he gives me this cute, shy smile back and then walks off smiling to the ground. In class (math) he is constantly looking out of the corner of his eye at something (in my direction) and I sit sorta behind and to te left an the teacher is always to our right, probably unrelated but he keeps his hands on his crotch in class unless he's doing something (notes, getting stuff out, etc...)
All help is appreciated!
J
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby nimby » Sat Jan 19, 2013 6:49 pm

Hey, sorry I missed this post. I think he may have a slight crush on ya. Just be friendly and approachable and see if anything happens.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby olywaguy » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:19 pm

Why don't you invite him to do math homework together at your place and have him stay for dinner. You will be freer to be yourselves.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby joe_uk » Mon Feb 11, 2013 2:22 pm

I would never know that (a guy that i fancied) was gay, unless he was in a gay bar/pub/event. then i would assume he was (but i have had the bad luck to try to pick the straight guy who was out with his gay mate). Away from those places, I would only know if they made me aware they were gay, through talking about their boyfriend/partner. Even talking positively about gay rights or going to areas with lots of gay pubs doesnt mean they are gay.
I was at a job recently and i thought (and secretly wished) that the manager was gay, even though he was a bit effeminate. But one of his co workers mentioned to me that he was married, and that he wasnt gay (not that i asked her if he was). So i dont know if a guy is, but over time i suppose certain mannerisms and behaviour gives an indication that some men are gay(even though not all gay men share those mannerisms).
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby calivap » Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:10 am

you can see it in his eyes and the way he acts
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby olywaguy » Thu Mar 14, 2013 11:05 pm

Only because a guy is married doesn't mean he isn't gay. You know what the most common description on gay personal ads is?...MWM = married white male.

There are a lot of gay guys that are married to a woman (which technically makes them bisexual) Forced into marriage due to family and societal pressure. Some even have kids. So, I would never assume that a guy isn't gay only because he is married.

Someone mentioned that it is all in the eyes...and that is true.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby olywaguy » Wed Aug 03, 2016 1:28 am

joe_uk wrote:I would never know that (a guy that i fancied) was gay, unless he was in a gay bar/pub/event. then i would assume he was (but i have had the bad luck to try to pick the straight guy who was out with his gay mate)


Okay, this is a pretty peeve of mine. Why do straight guys and girls come to a Gay bar? There tons bars available to them. Yet, when guy comes over show interest in them, they at, "oh no, I'm straight." There are very few places where gay people can feel safe that is taken away from them as well. It really bus me.
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Re: How do you know if a guy is gay?

Postby nimby » Wed Aug 03, 2016 7:16 pm

I agree. It drives me nuts too. I've learned though that lots of straight girls go to gay bars to hit on the gays. I've seen it with my own eyes. And occasionally they'd snag one too. But I've also been told that some straight guys go to gay bars and pretend to be gay to get hit upon by a chick. Crazy world.
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