Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby clopresti78 » Fri Apr 10, 2009 4:05 pm

I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite some time. I know on the inside that Im gay, but I identify with straight guys for some reason. I'm masculine, athletic. I have no desire to go to gay clubs and I have no gay friends. All of my friends are straight and when I go partying, it's either over a friend's place or a straight club. Is there anyone else out there like myself?
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Postby furface » Fri Apr 10, 2009 4:24 pm

Who dat? I sees your pun'kin head pokin' 'round the gate post. Step on out where we can see ya, son. That's better clopresti78. Walk your shy self on up here, grab a chair, and join us.

We're a right friendly group, mostly. Ain't nobody been bit in near two weeks. Had most all our shots (got us a vet). We's all trainable, one or two almost house broke.

So poke 'bout in the threads and if y'all find somethin' that piques your interest, jump on in and add to the talk. Don't find nothin' - add a topic y'all are interested in. T'ain't necessary to use y'all's Parson's come to Sunday supper manners, but Tom the webmaster sure would 'preciate y'all keepin' it fit for mixed company. Sides there's youngins about. So....

Ya ole son, ya ain't alone. There be a heap of us atypical queers about, just a mite harder to spot. :) The trick is to be who you are and be comfortable in your own skin. There's somebody out there for ya. Ya just have to look and not obsess 'bout it.

I spent near 25 years in Arlington and Falls Church (the Fairfax bit). I enjoyed it, but have no intention of going back any time soon.

Welcome aboard, join in and have fun. Might even make a friend or three.
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Postby nimby » Sat Apr 11, 2009 9:21 am

Hey and welcome.

What I've learned is that your straight friends may not be as straight as they let on. And that's ok. For you too. Things in this world are changing, and changing quick. The lines between gay/straight/masculine/feminine are becomming so blurred, that those words are loosing all meaning. Same as in the bedroom. What was once unacceptable practice is now becomming ok, and fear and shame are making room for new experience.

And this is happening at much younger ages too. I'm surprised at the numbers of teens trying alternative experiences. So just go with it. It will help you to find who you really are. And no more shame.

Good luck.
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Postby Odeh » Sat Apr 11, 2009 9:30 am

Just because you like guys does not mean you have to automatically go into
the gay space..there are lots of guys like that...a male can be masculine and
like guys and can feminine and like girls..
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby Schlodesss » Mon Apr 13, 2009 5:57 pm

Yup. Yer about like me, I like building/working on cars [drag racing] and actually racing them, as well as restoring vintage off road MX bikes... I also ride quite a bit [went out today]...

I don't really have any Gay friends I hang with locally or regularly except my friend Cathy who is lesbian. She's my best friend probably... but the rest of my buds are straight, not really by exclusive choice of mine... just the things I am into, rarely are Gay men into them, whereas lots of straight men are, into the same stuff... so it just happens that way.

I really have nothing to do with Gay culture or going out to Gay clubs, however I did pretty much "come out" in all aspects of my life as what would be considered "straight acting and masculine", and ended up losing a job over int in 2006... so i'm not in hiding and am of the opinion we can change the world one person at a time.. when they learn someone they are close to also happens to be gay.. anyway, if I met Gay guys I had things in common with i'd be buds with them.. Being friends with someone just b/c you are both same sex attraction is ludicrous, straight people dont form friendships based on the fact they like opposite sex... so why would we do that.

It's more about having common interests to keep the friendships together I guess...

Don't worry about it, just be you and live life... sometimes it can feel a little [a lot] lonely, but lotsa straights are lonely too, and are either still single or married but just going through the motions and have cheating spouses etc... so.. you don't have to be alone to be lonely.

clopresti78 wrote:I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite some time. I know on the inside that Im gay, but I identify with straight guys for some reason. I'm masculine, athletic. I have no desire to go to gay clubs and I have no gay friends. All of my friends are straight and when I go partying, it's either over a friend's place or a straight club. Is there anyone else out there like myself?
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Postby westguy3 » Sun May 03, 2009 9:12 am

There are literally thousands of men out there like you. A few have found this site, but most are just regular guys who do guy stuff and don't hang at gay bars and do typical gay guy stuff. (fill in the blanks here for yourself.)

Most of my friends are straight guys who know I'm gay and have no problem with it. Mind you, it took me YEARS to find these guys, but little by little I found enough men who were secure with themselves enough to get over the fact that I'm gay. There is zero sexual stuff going on and I don't even think about that kind of stuff with them. It's not how we relate to each other, but we do hug when we greet and say goodbye.

The rest of my friends (all 4 of them) are straight women and 1 gay man who is a lot like me but not as outdoors-oriented. My partner is even more butch than I am and is a mechanic.

In an earlier relationship I was with a fem man and all of his friends were fem as well. It got old very quickly. I got tired of being around the cattiness and the drama. Extremely unhealthy men with bad habits, most were alcoholic. After that ended, it was a breath of fresh air to get back to my roots and be with real men who did not identify with that type of gay men.

Gay does not have a specific race, gender, age or location. As long as you keep that in mind, logic will dictate that there is every type of straight and gay man out there. Most of the fem acting guys are that way through learned behavior, growing up with only girls as friends, coming up through young adulthood in the bars, hanging with like-minded guys. Most masc gay men are on the opposite end, growing up with good male role models, bonding with masculine men, hanging in places where masculine behavior is the norm not the exception. Environment is everything, you can only be what you see. If all you see is masc, that's who you will model.
It's not an act, I'm masculine by nature.
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby PhillyAgenda » Sun May 03, 2009 11:36 pm

clopresti78 wrote:I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite some time. I know on the inside that Im gay, but I identify with straight guys for some reason. I'm masculine, athletic. I have no desire to go to gay clubs and I have no gay friends. All of my friends are straight and when I go partying, it's either over a friend's place or a straight club. Is there anyone else out there like myself?

I think you're in the right place. I'm sure there are plenty here who identify with that. I know I do. Except the athletic part, I pretty much suck at sports.
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby tomthumb » Tue Sep 22, 2009 11:34 am

Yep, I'm another person like you who feels quite gay internally and not so much externally. I'm kind of a shy/loner type anyway so I'm much more comfortable with acting out the straight life. The older I get the more I consider coming out of the closet but I don't see it as a necessity.
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby butch » Wed Sep 23, 2009 2:13 am

I have no problem, whatsoever, with my sexuality but don't much relate to gay men at all... even many who seem to think they're "straight acting". Most aren't... it's in their minds.

I'm mostly attracted to quite young guys, so it makes it all that more difficult. Ironically, young guys seem to like me but I'm getting old enough now that I don't much go out, nor associate with much of anyone. Guys like you... and me, it seems, are best served by trying very hard to find a like-minded boyfriend and that will be by doing the things you like to do and talking to guys you find attractive. You may be surprised to find someone "just like you" in places you least expected to find them... because they don't go to bars, either, and are hoping to find someone that shares their interests... whatever it may be. I met my boyfriend of 18 years (he's passed on) by walking up to him on the street and talking to him because I thought he was exactly the kind of guy I'd like to meet... and he was. He was very, very shy but I wasn't. I asked him if he'd like to come back to my place and he said yes. He never left.

It is important to be a little "street smart" in these situations because there are quite a few guys who will take advantage of a gay man and seem quite friendly when you meet them. So... taking them home on a first meeting may be stretching it, but you can always ask them if you can take them for a coffee, or something... or just talk.

When I met my "straight" boyfriend (he really was straight... he just liked b-jobs a lot), his first words to me were "I don't talk to fags" and my reply was "that's OK, I'll do the talking". We became good friends... for 10 years until I moved to Vancouver and he moved to New York. We had a lot of sex, much of it one sided for the first few years, but I was crazy about him. If his girlfriend wasn't putting out... and I outlasted three of them, he always knew where to get his rocks off.

The point of the previous paragraph is, you'll be dead soon enough, so get over the shyness, already.
Someone has to make the first move and everyone is shy to some extent. A friendly smile and talk quickly breaks the ice.
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby JakeMIke » Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:31 am

It sounds too simple, but trust me: the best advice I ever got on being gay is "just be yourself." Easy to understand, hard to do. Don't force yourself to fit any type of category. Be the person you really are, that's more than enough.
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby thisisme33 » Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:21 am

clopresti78 wrote:I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite some time. I know on the inside that Im gay, but I identify with straight guys for some reason. I'm masculine, athletic. I have no desire to go to gay clubs and I have no gay friends. All of my friends are straight and when I go partying, it's either over a friend's place or a straight club. Is there anyone else out there like myself?


yeh me
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby mickk3 » Fri Aug 23, 2013 2:13 am

Is there anyone else out there like myself???


yup - everyone. and no one.
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby mickk3 » Fri Aug 23, 2013 2:17 am

Jesus Butch.. that story made me sad
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Re: Is there anyone else out there like myself???

Postby Wee-Cat 1993 » Fri Jan 03, 2014 6:15 pm

Hey man! You don't know HOW MANNNNY OF US KIND OF GUYS OUT THERE, THERE IS!!! :o

And as amazing as that sounds, like almost too good 2 be true, comes the catch....
You don't know which of these guys are the ones you're after. It's okay saying "use your gaydar" -( like a radar that scans people and gives you an energy vibe that may give you a nod into wether it's worthwhile pursuing the guy if he's gay or not) and you can focus on guy's body language. that's probably the best advice I could tell you. that's all i ever do. I watch how they get on around boys and girls, I notice how they react to gay jokes, and when i speak about gay things, I watch them closely to see how they react. also occasionally touching people on the shoulder or whatever can help, it's bringing you too together a bit more, increasing a bit of that touching behaviour, it's playful.

As sad as it may seem i'm not extremely athletic but I'm defo straight acting, because i've been told that i'm very straight acting, only slightly eccentric and a bit wacky at times. When i go out, at least over the past 6 years, if i've met a guy in a club, i'll generally take drugs with him, i'll get really high on E's or Amphetamine and i'll continue to chat and share drugs with him and dance with him the night, hoping that something will be made of it after, but it always ends up like i loose the person or they're going to a party that's too far away or somethings happened, or their mates don't like me or something. never happens, now i went to a club once when i wasn't drugged and a random guy came over and kissed me on the lips twice for no reason, hahha! I've cut down on that now so i don't make people pull away from me and think that i'm too manic and crazy when I first walk into the club, make a calmer approach to the lads! haha! No harm to straightacting, but it seems like it's only slightly creepy old men on here :/ where's the Youth ?!!!!!! im 19!
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