Gayness and Sexual Abuse

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Gayness and Sexual Abuse

Postby olywaguy » Sat May 28, 2011 1:04 pm

One thing that I ask a guy when I chat with them is how old they were when they realized they were gay. I always ask because I came out so late in life and I wonder how I missed it all. Most guys realize they are gay at the onset of puberty...seems pretty normal. But, from time to time I hear guys respond that they realized it when they were 4 or 5 years old.

Just now, I chatted with an 18 year old guy who stated in his profile that he has been doing oral sex since he was very young. That statement intrigued me so I start a conversation with him. Turns out that when he was 5 years old his 14 year old brother made him suck him off at that age. Afterwards it seemed like a normal thing to him. At the age of 10, the same brother who 19 at the time, gives him his first experience with anal sex. Not only that, the guy's uncle also has sex with him. At a camping trip with his uncle when he was 11 years old, his uncle had sex with him. The guy says he liked it. He enjoyed both experiences. Now, he is doing it to a young 12 year old relative. He doesn't see anything wrong with it.

This is not the first story I've heard like this. There have been other young guys whose had a relative sexually abuse them when they were young. They all claim they like it and that it was consensual.

I know that you are born with your gender identity but I also wonder how much of it was experienced due to sexual abuse. Would these kids be gay or bi if it had not happened?

I don't like the idea that this kind of behavior is considered normal and the behavior gets passed on from generation to generation.

Here we have a case where an uncle sexually abuses a nephew who abuses his brother and who is now abusing a younger male relative. Will this kid pass it on to another male relative?
Carlos

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Re: Gayness and Sexual Abuse

Postby glas_scot » Sat May 28, 2011 2:59 pm

As one of my now close friends was abused by his uncle when he was little but is straight, I do not believe this influenced their sexuality.

What they are doing is very, very wrong.
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Re: Gayness and Sexual Abuse

Postby nimby » Sat May 28, 2011 4:37 pm

Sad, but surprisingly not as uncommon as you'd like to believe, for either sex. I believe that a child cannot give consent, but on the other hand, I grew up with a kid whose older brother did stuff to him and really didn't mind. And that kid did stuff to me at a very young age (9) and I really didn't mind. He was just a year older than me and wanted to "show me stuff". I didn't really have any bad feelings towards him and we remain friends to this very day, some 30 odd years later.
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Re: Gayness and Sexual Abuse

Postby olywaguy » Sat May 28, 2011 5:59 pm

If you are within the same age range you can dismiss it as sexual experimentation. But what does a 5 year old know about sex and the culprit is your teenage big brother who should know better.

Someone I know was sexually abused when he was 14 years old by his mother's boyfriend. This led to a problem with alcohol because he would blackmail the adult into buying him beer. When he got drunk, he would hookup with guys though he has a girlfriend. It never happened when he was sober. He also has problem with the fact he has hooked up with guys. He would never admit that he is bi.

This is a rampant problem. I think a lot of these guys grew up without dads and they seem to be susceptible to the influences of older men who take advantage of them.
Carlos

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Re: Gayness and Sexual Abuse

Postby nimby » Sat May 28, 2011 7:43 pm

And some times those boys who grow up without a Dad end up seeking out the male affection that they never had as a child. Just as adults, affection = sex.
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Re: Gayness and Sexual Abuse

Postby furface » Sat May 28, 2011 8:46 pm

The only fuckweasels who believe in the abuse causes orientation crock are them at N.A.R.TH., Exodus International and the fools who populate the "ex-gay" reparative therapy and "pray away the gay" ministries. There is NO credible evidence from any reputable researcher anywhere showing a link between abuse and orientation. Dr. Paul Cameron, Dr. George Rekers, and the like don't count. Neither does any study published in a vanity journal (pay to publish with no peer review) or cited by NOM, FRC, AFA, or other rabidly anti-gay groups.

What research does show is abuse is a learned behavior and will follow generation to generation unless there is intervention. Also, sexual abuse is not a crime about sex any more than rape is about sex. Both are about power and control. And years of study have shown that child sex abusers are heterosexual at levels approaching Ivory soap limits.

Carlos; as for your chatmate.... He was abused, twice. His abusers are more'n likely abusing others; sexual abuse is nearly never a once't only thing. He is abusing others now, the generational thing. He needs to get help and he needs to stop abusing his current victim. You can't make him stop, no can you make him get help. What you can do is tell him in unambiguous terms to seek help for himself and the other victims. Then cut off communications as he's likely told others about his history and current activities. These types are seldom discreet and will eventually fall under the eye of I.C.E or other LEOs. I'm sure y'all don't the electronic paper trail to lead back to you. It's a bitch to explain why ya been chattin' with a pedophile.
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Re: Gayness and Sexual Abuse

Postby nimby » Sat May 28, 2011 9:37 pm

It is again the old debate of what causes homosexuality, nature/nurture. Biology is doing it's part to discover the cause (and Lord help us if they do), maybe psychology should do the same. No one is saying it is right or acceptable today, but it does happen and only through dialogue and historical study can we begin to understand it's true ramifications.
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Re: Gayness and Sexual Abuse

Postby Phoenix6570 » Sun May 29, 2011 8:13 am

I don't think sexual abuse causes gayness. It is interesting though I remember being with one ay guy before and we were talking about a bunch of things. During the conversation he asked if I was gay naturally or if I was made that way. Then I found out he was abused at a young age; I think by an Uncle. So in his mind the abuse definitely made him gay . I'm sure many people hold the same views and have experiences to back it up. I don't think the abuse caused it; things of that nature have a wide array of effects on people but shifting sexual orientation is a bit much.
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