Please help me understand...

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Please help me understand...

Postby nimby » Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:50 pm

I'm a bit confused I think. I've been in a rather heated discussion on another forum about bisexuality and I was bitterly attacked by a group of angry bi women for being clueless This is the general gist of the conversation:

It's NOT ok for a closeted married man to secretly seek out gay sex with another man, because it injures his wife and the public image of bi people as a whole (generally agreed). But it is ok for for an openly bi man to publicly solicit said closeted married men and offer oral services and assurances of discretion because he is out and not partnered and, "needs to get his rocks off somehow" (strongly disagreed).

A self labeled, very open gay man, who has never, ever slept with a woman, has absolutely no intention of ever sleeping with a woman, but is curious what it is like, is not really a gay man but is in fact a closeted bi man. And I, as a bi guy, should educate them and tell them they are not gay, but in fact bi (again strongly disagreed).

A self labeled bi man who has never slept with another man, has no desire to ever sleep with another man, yet likes his butt played with by his female partner is in fact bi, not a straight guy who likes anal stimulation (again strongly disagreed).

I was completely berated b these women and told I really know nothing bisexuality and homosexuality and was actually accused of being a straight guy troll. Am I really that off base on this one?
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Re: Please help me understand...

Postby madsglen » Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:20 pm

Nope. Are they sure they aren't lesbians? :wink: (Or maybe they're the trolls from the way it sounds...that comment would likely REALLY get them going...) I'd pose the following question to them: Would they apply the same standards and such firm beliefs in all of those scenarios if the gender stated was 'bi woman' rather than 'bi man'? From what you describe probably not. I suspect that would send them off on a whole new rant (i.e. some man questioning them, how dare he...) Some of it sounds like they have issues with men in general and bisexual men in particular. And the idea that a gay man can't be (or has never been) curious about what sex might be like with a woman is so off base.

This sounds like a situation where the moderator(s), if there are any on that particular board, should issue a reminder about civility, etc. And maybe reminded that since they are female, they have no basis or ability to question your experience or feelings as a bi man. Certainly they would not accept or appreciate the same tye of so-called 'authoritative' behaviour or responses from you. Period. Sorry you were 'attacked' by these so-called ladies.
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Re: Please help me understand...

Postby Rico » Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:21 pm

Welcome to the world of strident, smart-ass, know-it-alls. There seems to be pandemic.

The answer is simple when discussing bisexuality...everybody is right! How's that for compromise? I think I told you before I was a moderator (we were called Sysops at the time) on Compuserve's Human Sexuality Forum. Biways was the first of its kind on-line community for bisexuals and those interested in exploring their possible bisexuality. Those were the days of 300 baud modems and ASCII. The arguments you are hearing now from your forum today are the same arguments that have been going on for decades.

First of all, it's always best to keep a partner informed before having sex outside the relationship. The sexuality of the individual is irrelevant. Don't fall for the argument about hurting the public image of bisexuals. It could hardly be worse, especially for men.

A self labeled, very open gay man, who has never, ever slept with a woman, has absolutely no intention of ever sleeping with a woman, but is curious what it is like, is not really a gay man but is in fact a closeted bi man. And I, as a bi guy, should educate them and tell them they are not gay, but in fact bi

Sounds like they're recruiting. Alot of strident bisexuals use the Kinsey scale argument to inflate the frequency of bisexuality in the population. There are very few absolute 0's or 6's, so everybody in between is bisexual, according to them. Not so, but that's another topic. The guy in your example may be a 5.9999999, but that doesn't make him bisexual.

A self labeled bi man who has never slept with another man, has no desire to ever sleep with another man, yet likes his butt played with by his female partner is in fact bi, not a straight guy who likes anal stimulation


Are you sure you quoted that correctly? I think you meant "self-labeled straight man." If so, the statement is so ridiculous it's almost laughable. Ask them about the self-labeled "straight woman" who likes her butt played with. That'll confuse them.

I'm in the camp that bisexuality does not run along one Kinsey axis, but two. The problem with the Kinsey scale as originally published is that it based findings on sexual history. There's an emotional component to the scale as well...and that one is constantly in flux.

Just my 2 cents.
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Re: Please help me understand...

Postby nimby » Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:53 pm

Rico wrote:
A self labeled bi man who has never slept with another man, has no desire to ever sleep with another man, yet likes his butt played with by his female partner is in fact bi, not a straight guy who likes anal stimulation


Are you sure you quoted that correctly? I think you meant "self-labeled straight man." If so, the statement is so ridiculous it's almost laughable. Ask them about the self-labeled "straight woman" who likes her butt played with. That'll confuse them.

Just my 2 cents.

Um, nope I quoted correctly. This guy says he bi, because he likes butt play and his wife has labelled him bi. Yet he has never been with a man and has no desire to. But none the less, his wife labelled him bi and he accepted it.

But I do get your point. Thanks guys. For a second I was wondering if I was loosing it.

Now can I come out as gay and still love and be acctracted to my wife? These bi's are starting to piss me off. :lol:
Last edited by nimby on Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Please help me understand...

Postby butch » Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:54 pm

The moment one says they are "bi" one is immediately attacked from all fronts. The swishy gays are immediately insecure and say "it's just a lie and the bi is really gay" and the the butch gay guys are so insecure they accuse the bi of not really "coming out". It's a no win situation. Let's face it, just because someone is gay does not mean they have an ounce of intelligence.

Ignore the idiots... and most people are idiots. They don't know what they don't know... THEY'RE IDIOTS. IGNORE THEM.

I say it again... most humans have no idea what they don't know, but think they know it all... they're idiots. Ignore them.

They hate that.

Sheesh... humans really disgust me. Why am I on this planet?

My "straight" boyfriend was never "bi",he was just "curious"... even as I was bonking him. And I know he preferred girls over boys. So why did we have sex for 10 years? He was just "curious" and obviously very horny. Technically, one could say he was "bi" who preferred girls. People should stop trying to put people into specific roles and accept them as whatever they chose to be... whatever it is.

If you worry about other people's opinions of your sexual desires, you are simply insecure as a human. Grow up.

Be yourself and tell the world to go f*ck themselves. You'll be dead soon enough. Get over it.
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