How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

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How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby nimby » Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:14 am

What if your long time partner came out as bi and comfided in you that they have a need to occasionally sleep with women? How would you handle it? Kick them to the curb? Accept it? Or try to convince then their wrong and go for therapy? How would you?
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby ispeaktexan » Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:36 am

Accept it i guess. I know the feelings, and if i kicked them to the curb it would make me a hypocrite.
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby backpacker » Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:30 am

No sure that I could. If that is how he felt then I would accept it but I couldn't stay with him if wanted to persue it. There is a sign at the Big Boy restaurant buffet that says sharers will be charged full price and I think that applies here. :lol:
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby JakeMIke » Tue Jul 14, 2009 1:18 pm

Kick him to the curb. To quote from Blade Runner, "I should be enough for him."
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby Cachasa » Tue Jul 14, 2009 6:47 pm

I would accept his bi-sexuality. In fact, I have before. I've dated a number of bi-sexual guys. One even cheated on my with his girl-friend.

If a guy's bi-sexual it's fine with me BUT I wouldn't tolerate him trying or "needing" to sleep with other people, male or female. I don't do that polyamorus open relationship sh*t. If we are in a relationship it's only me and no one else.

If we were really in love and living together and he came to me talking about this problem, then we could go to couples counseling or something. So he wouldn't feel the need to cheat on me.

if it was still relativley new then I would dump him, at such an eairly point theres not enough of a commitment to deal with that kind of drama.
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby DeckApe » Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:44 pm

Cachasa wrote:If a guy's bi-sexual it's fine with me BUT I wouldn't tolerate him trying or "needing" to sleep with other people, male or female. I don't do that polyamorous open relationship sh*t. If we are in a relationship it's only me and no one else.


I think that's about where I'm at, actually. I expect monogamy, period, unless it's a pre-arranged and agreed-upon threesome.
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby Phoenix6570 » Fri Jul 17, 2009 10:48 am

Well I would be able to accept it and stay with him. The only issue I would have is with him sleeping with other woman. I can understand the need and desire. My concern would be that it could get out of hand real quick. What could start as an occasional fling could evolve, and then I would feel like a fool since I let it all happen. It would be an iffy spot for me but I would do my best to make things work and see if we could resolve all of the issues.
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby ispeaktexan » Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:55 pm

I just think fidelity is important...
I don't like open relationships...
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby EverydayGuy9 » Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:49 am

ispeaktexan wrote:I just think fidelity is important...
I don't like open relationships...

Agreed. I don't think that I could bare having been snuck around on.....
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby butch » Sat Sep 26, 2009 9:40 pm

There are a number of issues...

To begin, one should recall that old line: "if you love something, set it free".... yada yada etc.

There are the STD issues (sexually transmitted stuff) and "does SHE know about all of this?"

When I met my long-term boyfriend, I set out the rules. One rule was that we always slept together at night. I knew, he being 11 years younger than me, that he (and I) would likely have temptations, but that shouldn't ruin a relationship.

People change. You change, they change. A relationship is not a static thing and both must be willing to compromise. If compromise is no longer possible, neither is the relationship. Hopefully, the friendship won't be lost.

Butch says so. Butch is always right (except when he's wrong but won't admit it).
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby Rico » Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:43 pm

BurgosPRman wrote:Kick them to the curb. If it was just that he is bisexual, then fine. But that he is bisexual AND that he has a need to occasionally sleep with women? That would be akin to my partner telling me "Since I am gay, I have to occasionally sleep with other men. BS.
Being BI doesn't give anyone an insatiable, uncontrollable need/desire to sleep with men and women at the same time.
That's just plain ole horniness, wanting their cake and eating it too.

You can be bi, but if you are with your partner, that's it, be committed to that partner, body and soul.

None of that "fu** around as long as we always sleep together" BS. It's immoral and creepy, imo.


I understand that it was a multiple choice question and that “kick them to the curb” was one of the choices, but it wouldn’t have been mine, especially since according to the question, the other person involved is a “long time partner.”

To me the phrase “long time partner” makes all the difference in the world in how I would answer the question. It presumes the existence of love, as well as an investment of time, emotions, and many shared experiences. Simply kicking a partner to the curb without some degree of understanding or effort seems to me both selfish and immature. Hell, it would take a lot more than this to simply kick my partner of 27 years to the curb. And I can’t imagine what rule or standard I could place on him that, if violated, would make me kick him to the curb without a tireless effort to work things out.

What effort would you make to work it out? What conditions would you impose on the relationship? Let’s say you actually discovered yourself after many years with a bi-partner, and he or she promised to be 100% monogamous. How would you ever know he or she didn’t stray? Could you ever trust him or her?

And as far as things being “immoral and creepy,” relationships between members of different races not too long ago in the United States were viewed as immoral and creepy. In fact, they were viewed as so immoral and creepy that they were actually illegal.

One of the most difficult things to learn and to accept about establishing and maintaining long-term relationships is the realization that the relationship is not all about you. Once you can accept that, then you’re on your way.

Post edited to add: This reply wasn't directed at you Burgos, because others said "kick him to the curb" as well. It's just that your post was the most recent in the thread and I wanted to address the "immoral and creepy" thing. Cheers!
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby Rico » Tue Dec 22, 2009 11:09 pm

nimby wrote:What if your long time partner came out as bi and confided in you that they have a need to occasionally sleep with women? How would you handle it? Kick them to the curb? Accept it? Or try to convince then their wrong and go for therapy? How would you?

Most of my response to this was included in the reply to Burgos, but I just want to emphasize that it would take a helluva lot more than this to kick a long-term partner of mine to the curb. Whether it was this problem or any other, I would try to work things out (talking, therapy, compromise, whatever) no matter how long it takes.

I know the term "kicking someone to the curb" is simply popular slang for stopping to see someone, but even the thought of kicking someone to the curb grates on my nerves because it equates people with trash. If there's any wonder why so many have so much difficulty not only establishing relationships, but maintaining them, then this is it: that if things are going swell with a partner, you can just kick them to the curb.
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby Rico » Wed Dec 23, 2009 8:26 am

Burgos: I respect your opinion and your values, and hopefully you will find someone who shares those same values with you. But if your partner is human, there's a strong probability that he or she will stray at one time or another during the relationship, or drop some other kind of bombshell on you (like being bi, and wanting to have sex outside the relationship) that you'll have to deal with.

Each relationship is different and making them work over the long haul often involves a series of trade-offs, at least in my experience. Are there things I wouldn't trade off on? Sure. This seems to be one of yours that you wouldn't trade on. I understand that. For me, I'd want more information.

Divorce rates are already high, and I can't imagine how high they would climb if every woman were to kick her husband to the curb who strays, or who was bi and acting on those attractions. Most of those couples seem to work things out.

I'd be more satisfied with a scientific answer to the question: Why is it that humans have so much difficulty with fidelity, especially since it's practically a universal societal value. I suspect that why so many have difficulty living up to that value involves more than a lack of discipline or morality.
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby Rico » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:19 pm

Understood. And as my Christmas present to you, let me give you this as a resting place for your potential mates:

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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby Davy » Wed Apr 13, 2011 3:14 pm

Makes no difference to me. Yes, there is always the chance that he could cheat on you with a woman or leave you for a woman. But isn't cheating cheating no matter what's between the legs of the "other" person? Seriously, if he cheats on you or leaves you for a woman, it's no different than if he does so with a man.
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby J » Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:39 pm

In the unlikely (?) event I find myself in a relationship, he can be confident I won't be sleeping around with women. No thanks.
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Re: How would you handle this...your partner came out as bi?

Postby Keeper » Sun May 15, 2011 6:18 am

I would never be in an open relationship, so any 'bi' inclination of my partner would be no different than his attraction to other guys. In both cases, sleeping around is a serious violation of the relationship.
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