Bullying

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Bullying

Postby olywaguy » Sun Apr 26, 2009 1:40 am

What is going on lately? Two elementary level boys committed suicide because kids were bullying them and calling them gay.

We don't know for sure if the boys were actually gay or if they were just perceived as such, but how can kids so young have such a trauma about something like that and want to end it all?

The people that were supposed to help them, weren't there at all. One of the schools even had a contract that each kids, staff, and teacher had to sign in order to prevent this sort of thing from happening and....nothing happened. The boy wasn't protected.
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Postby Earl Butz » Sun Apr 26, 2009 5:10 am

It really shatters that innocent illusion you have as a child that everyone loves you.

I was in grade 9 when it first happened to me. I was locking up my bike one day when the quarterback of the football team started screaming at me that I was gay. He used the word "gay" three times!

Didn't make me suicidal, but that was the day I had my illusions shattered. :(
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Postby Lepus » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:36 am

I was bullied from 3rd grade (if not even 1st or 2nd, but I do remember 3rd grade) all the way through 12th. Thoughts of killing myself became frequent, but I was too cowardly to do it.
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Postby JakeMIke » Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:33 am

I was bullied a lot when I was in elementary school and junior high. I was even verbally and emotionally abused by adults, some of whom were my teachers.

I don't condone violence, but I completely understand how it feels to be bullied, and when I hear of a child hurting themselves or others as a response, I know how bad it can get.
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Postby nimby » Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:36 am

I was never bullied at school because my older sister was the biggest bully there. She really was (and still is) a monster. 30 years later and those kids still are afraid of her. But I was bullied by her at home and she still tries uo till this day.

Ironically, most of the kids she bullied became my good friends.
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Postby Odeh » Sat May 02, 2009 11:22 am

From what I hear, bullying now days has been taken to a more violent
level say than 20 years ago...I think now days it involves more serious
assaults rather than simple fist fights of years back..

I also noticed that younger kids now days don't know how to drop anything..
It used to be that kids would fight and be friends the next day...

Now days it seems like they like to keep things going and escalate them...

2 things I wonder if this escalation wears a kid down over a period
of time and if the kid was never taught how to fight?

I remember being bullied verbally in jr. high school..I would tell the kid in
question to stop bothering me...they would keep it up after about a week or
so then by that time, I would lose my temper and bust the person in the
mouth..anytime, anywhere..

Then you had some kids who just wanted to start stuff and fight...

One kid asked me to watch his radio before class started...he came back
and said "I told you to watch my radio its gone now so you owe me money for it"..(while I had my back turned he came back and took it, I
was later told)...

So when he would see me he would say "You got my money?" this went on for 2 weeks... I would say "From where?"...

So finally, I got assaulted in the parking lot..the next day he shook hands
after pounding my head on the pavement..I did get some licks in..so I
felt ok emotionally..

Then we had one kid who who was always calling someone gay this or gay that and would always fight...I was the new kid in the area so he hauled off and punched me in the face...I picked up a board with nails and came at him and he backed off...

Last I heard, this kid went to prison and got his education there( a Master's Degree)...served his time now has a very good job..and
guess what?? He is now living with a guy in a relationship!!...

I just don't understand killing yourself at such a young age over these
type of things..
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Postby Cachasa » Sat May 02, 2009 5:29 pm

Yeah, you're right. I think there has been an increase in the nature of bullying. It just never seems to stop. It just escalates.

I think that bigger problem is lack of authority. Teachers don't want to do anything because, "It's not my job, it's the parent's job". Even when they want to do something they can't because it they do, the self-entitled baby boomer parents of those little bastards complain and get angry. So with no-one to control those kids. They think that there's no consequences to their actions and they just get worse.

People are too afraid to punish children for their actions. Then there's all this "self-esteem" crap. "Bullies have low self esteem so they lash out for attention". No, those kids lash out because they're sadists and think they're entitled to do what ever they want.
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Postby Odeh » Sat May 02, 2009 6:29 pm

Also, on the other side of the coin...I know of some parents who if their kid
ran away from a fight from a bully have said "If you don't go back out and
beat him you are going to get a worse beating from me".

That is why I can't understand this suicidal thing...You are right, I think
people do things they feel they can get away with..if the bully thinks he
or she will not suffer consequences they will continue to do it..

If they got in trouble with the authorities or faced a serious beat down they
might consider their ways..
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Postby Odeh » Sat May 02, 2009 6:37 pm

...you also have a new set of younger parents who NEVER question their kid
and believes everything the kid says...the type who want to run down to the
school and jump on the teacher if the kid gets sent home..

as in "if Johnnie said he didn't do it he didn't do it why did you send my kid
home?" It never occurs to them that Johnnie could be lying and they want
to start something without getting all the facts first..
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Postby chidiver » Sun May 03, 2009 8:00 am

Odeh wrote:...you also have a new set of younger parents who NEVER question their kid
and believes everything the kid says...the type who want to run down to the
school and jump on the teacher if the kid gets sent home..

as in "if Johnnie said he didn't do it he didn't do it why did you send my kid
home?" It never occurs to them that Johnnie could be lying and they want
to start something without getting all the facts first..



I believe that we are raising a nation of assh@les.
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Postby Schlodesss » Sun May 03, 2009 9:07 am

Chidiver, I want to expand on what you said.

"I believe we are no longer allowed to raise our own children therefor they will end up becoming a nation of assholes".

Too much gov't stepping in and knowing what is the best for us all.. and everything these days is "for the children...".
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Postby CollegePepper » Sun May 03, 2009 2:31 pm

I think teasing has always been this brutal. I experienced it quite a bit when I was from 2nd to 8th grade.

I think it really depends on what state you are from.
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Postby westguy3 » Sun May 03, 2009 4:48 pm

If you've ever watched one episode of "Nanny 911" you'd see that somewhere along the line, parents have totally abdicated their responsibility of raising kids correctly. They expect the schools to do it and schools have zero authority to discipline kids now. If you don't discipline (and I don't mean beat them) your kids will basically turn into little animals. It's exactly outlined in "lord of the flies", without parental input, kids turn into warring tribes.

The level is def. higher now, with groups acting much like gangs, keeping up the abuse and taking it online, etc. The level of aggression is higher and I think a lot of that is due to the constant stream of violence they see on TV and in computer games. They're numb to it now. Chidiver is right, we have already become a nation of assholes, all respect for fellow humans has totally eroded.
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Postby nimby » Mon May 04, 2009 9:12 am

I beat my kids every morning whether they need it or not. It helps build character. :lol:

Naw! just kidding. But raising children properly IS the hardest thing in the world. Discipline is very important in their development. None of this, "lets be friends" crap. Children need limits. And as they grow it is their job to test those limits (it's part of their development), and it is my job as a parent to re-access those boundaries from time to time. We can be friends when they get older.

I had to spank my 7 y/o this past new year's eve. And it was very hard. We went out to a friend's place for dinner and celebration. When we were leaving I noticed she was hiding something in her hand. When asked to show me what it was, she refused. I had to pry it out of her little hand. She tried to pocket their i-pod!! She wanted one for Christmas and Santa forgot, so she thought she'd just help herself. I discretely placed it back on the table and we left. When we got home I gave it to her. Open hand and on the butt. But man, it was hard. You know, when your parents said, "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you", it is so true. But it had to be done. I think my yelling scared her more than the spanking. But you know what? I think it's good for a child to have a HEALTHY fear of their parents. No fear of disappointing their parents is a recipe for disaster.
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Postby J » Mon May 04, 2009 8:52 pm

Hell, I was spanked/slapped/kicked/punched in the face on almost a daily basis (mostly by my dad, my mom was more the "I wish you were never born" type). I suppose if it happens often enough, kids/parents just accept it as a regular occurrence. I grew up assuming daily beatings were commonplace! Anyone ever watch the video "Bill Cosby Himself"? I was nearly out of breath laughing at it because some of it sounded WAY too familiar!
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Postby chidiver » Tue May 05, 2009 8:04 am

I worked with a children's media company a few years back. We had commissioned a study about buying habits of parents and one of the things they said was that American parents view their children like a BMW, or some other personal status accessory. I think that may be one of the aspects that leads to overly indulged children who "can do no wrong" in their parent's eyes.
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Postby olywaguy » Wed May 06, 2009 8:57 am

The mothers of the two boys that committed suicide (and the reason I started this thread) will be in Oprah this afternoon today!!

I will be at work, so I won't be able to see it.

Let me know how it goes.
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Postby Earl Butz » Thu May 07, 2009 5:55 am

I stopped watching Oprah twenty years ago
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Postby JakeMIke » Thu May 07, 2009 7:55 am

I saw it, it was no revelation or anything. I just feel bad for all the kids and their families. It's good that Oprah is giving it more publicity.
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Postby olywaguy » Sat May 09, 2009 2:32 pm

Well, were the boys really gay or were they just perceived that way because they were different in some way from their friends?
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Postby dezotti » Sat May 09, 2009 3:01 pm

olywaguy wrote:Well, were the boys really gay or were they just perceived that way because they were different in some way from their friends?

No, they weren't gay.

Name-calling to make them feel bad.
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