15 years before the big one (mid life crisis that is)

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15 years before the big one (mid life crisis that is)

Postby J » Mon Apr 20, 2009 9:20 pm

Does anyone else feel like they've hit a rut that they can't emerge from? It seems most of the things that used to excite or amuse/entertain me just bore me now, and all I want to do is stay home by myself (I never talk on the phone anymore, and I seldom email, unless I have to). Is it just the 15 years before mid life crisis crisis, a lack of initiative on my part or not taking mind bending substances for months (after about a decade of extreme use)? Just sucks, and felt like sharing. I don't want to type anymore, so I'm off to bed (yep, at 10:19pm!).
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Postby Earl Butz » Tue Apr 21, 2009 6:38 am

Oh yeah. Not really a rut though. More like the Grand Canyon.

I rarely go out to a movie anymore. Maybe once a year. I think they're all aimed at kids.

So maybe staying home is a sign of maturity? The weather here is just awful all winter long. And going out can be a headache. Traffic. Paying for things. Parking. Crowds.

I guess the one thing that doesn't bore me yet is food. Even if it's the same thing night after night. As long as it's what I like, I appreciate it.

I usually make a couple trips to the mountains each summer, though. Last year we had a beautiful September, so I went then. All the tourists were gone. It was heaven.
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Postby JakeMIke » Tue Apr 21, 2009 6:59 am

J, have you tried to get some counseling? Sounds like you are depressed or something. At your age, you shouldn't be hiding from the world, or not at any age, for that matter.
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Postby nimby » Sat Apr 25, 2009 1:01 pm

Hey J,

15 yrs beforehand is a long time to stress about mid-life crisis. It sounds like you do have the blues, or quite possibly depression. From previous conversations, you let on that you are on certain meds for mood disorders. Talk to your doctors and let him know how you feel. Maybe just a slight adjustment in your meds is all you need.

Just don't forget, we all go through our moods. And thats ok. Can't be "kittins & sunshine" all the time. We are adults now with adult sized problems. Just learn when & where to get help when things get out of hand.

Take care, Pal.
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Postby Cachasa » Wed May 06, 2009 2:58 am

Well. I had a quarter life crisis when I turned 20. I was freaking out because I thought that my life had no direction and that I wasn't achieving anything. It brushed it off as a joke but really. I was freaking out. I was anxious all of the time.

J, you sound depressed. You should get some counseling. Even one session can help a lot. I've had therapy for issues before it does work.
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Postby Earl Butz » Wed May 06, 2009 7:34 am

Given what he said on the bullying thread about his parents, I'm amazed he's alive at all.
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Re: 15 years before the big one (mid life crisis that is)

Postby dezotti » Thu May 07, 2009 11:04 am

J wrote:Does anyone else feel like they've hit a rut that they can't emerge from? It seems most of the things that used to excite or amuse/entertain me just bore me now, and all I want to do is stay home by myself (I never talk on the phone anymore, and I seldom email, unless I have to). Is it just the 15 years before mid life crisis crisis, a lack of initiative on my part or not taking mind bending substances for months (after about a decade of extreme use)? Just sucks, and felt like sharing. I don't want to type anymore, so I'm off to bed (yep, at 10:19pm!).

I've never been in a rut that I feel I can't get out of. I get into funks every so often, but that's work-related.

Do these feelings come and go, J? Sounds like you're at the low end of the cycle at the moment. Or, at least when you started this thread.

You can blame diet, weather, your job (or lack thereof?), family, social interaction (or lack thereof), the past, denial, or any number of external factors.

Got to take the bad to get the value of the good, man. Life's a bitch that way.

Don't know anything about you, so my advice is hit-or-miss. Anyway, hope you feel better soon.
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Postby dezotti » Thu May 07, 2009 11:12 am

Earl Butz wrote:Given what he said on the bullying thread about his parents, I'm amazed he's alive at all.

No offense, but I don't see the point in this post.

A LOT of people go through severe bullying and domestic abuse and make it through those times and come out stronger. It's not an impossible feat.
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Postby solitaryman1969 » Thu May 07, 2009 8:47 pm

Hey Dezotti, nice to see you back. :D
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Postby Earl Butz » Fri May 08, 2009 4:13 am

Well it sounded like a double dose in his case. Abusive father; mother wished he hadn't been born.

I agree though abuse can be overcome.
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Postby nimby » Fri May 08, 2009 10:34 am

But a lot of abuse can't be overcome. Wounds run too deep for some to carry on. Just check your local suicide stats.

A month ago my wife's friend lost her 23 y/o son to suicide. He couldn't see his way out. And at one point I was there too. I under stand. I believe sometimes God gives more than we can handle, and when he does, it's His choice to call us home. Not everything that doesen't kill us makes us stronger. Somethings just leave us empty for life.

For those that can pull through, it's all the better.
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Postby dezotti » Fri May 08, 2009 5:14 pm

solitaryman1969 wrote:Hey Dezotti, nice to see you back. :D

Thanks! I didn't think anyone would notice!

I got distracted for a while and stumbled across the site while browsing through my web favorites.

/back to your regularly scheduled thread!
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Postby catapult » Fri May 08, 2009 10:44 pm

J,

I remember also being in a rut or not knowing where I was going or what to do next. Why is it that we find that we are not completely happy, satisfied and content - that something is missing in our lives? I knew there must be more to life.

I was a bit of a seeker, looking for meaning in life, so I started trying different things. I got lucky and stumbled onto TM (Transcendental Meditation. Anybody else do TM?). I've been doing it for 20+ years now and it's been great.

Meditation itself doesn't solve the problems, but it gives you very deep rest, (at times deeper than sleep), and that removes deep-rooted stresses. We don't realize just how tired and stressed we are, how debilitating it is, and how much we are capable of if we were not restricted by stress and fatigue. Stress causes numerous mental and physical problems.

TM isn't some magic elixir, silver bullet or mystical power. The magic elixir is just a normally functioning nervous system and a fully developed mind. And no problem can stand up to the natural ability of a fully developed and optimally functioning human nervous system.

The success and enjoyment of everything we do, the awareness and appreciation of everyone we know and meet, and the accomplishment and fulfillment of everything we desire is influenced, if not determined by our state of rest, health, mental clarity and awareness.

So by going to bed early and getting some good rest when you were feeling down was the right thing. Rest is one of the best prescriptions for almost all ailments.

For deep rest and increased awareness, try meditation. Can't hurt.

GL
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Postby nimby » Sat May 09, 2009 9:40 am

I used to do TM all through college. And it was great. The feeling of inner peace and weightlessness was like no other. I believe I catually used to travel and fly. I actually graduated third in my class with a degree in finance, and barely too any notes. It taught he how to "listen" and understand without all the mind clutter. I have gotten away from it in recent years, but the time is comming to pick it back up. But I've never lost the lessons it teaches. I use them every day.
"Why do we have asteroids in the hemisphere and hemmorroids in the a$$ ? "
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Postby Daknee » Sat May 09, 2009 11:11 am

I have to try TM. I have heard so many good things. I know there are several types of meditation techniques and tools out there hypnosis being one of them. I allow myself to get in a rested state while I do Yoga. This has helped me tremendously! I can really tell the difference especially on the days when I do not do my Yoga. BTW, I do this in the privacy of my own home. I don't think it would be the same for me if I were to be doing Yoga in a class or with others. Initially I hired someone to come to my house to teach me yoga.
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Postby Daknee » Sat May 09, 2009 11:17 am

I heard Drew Cary once in an interview talking about his success. Earlier in his life he felt lost and suicidal. I can't recall if he said he even tried suicide. What he said struck a cord in me. He said when your life is not going right and the rut does not go away you are not learning somthing in life. I now try to be open to learning what life is teaching me.
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Postby Earl Butz » Sat May 09, 2009 5:39 pm

Drew Carey seems like a nice guy. I always suspected that anyway but watching him on the Price is Right proved me right.

I think it's fear that keeps me in a rut. My life is okay as it is, but there's no way in hell I would risk what I have for the unknown.
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