Getting over hurt

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Getting over hurt

Postby MrGreen » Thu Apr 11, 2013 11:26 am

There is something that I really need some help on. Firstly (to bring this question into context, not to prove anything) I want to affirm that I am a gay man totally okay with my sexuality and also I am an atheist. Now the thing that happened in my life is that when I was younger I slept around a bit. I don’t consider it that much. The thing is looking back… I have really slept with one or two awful and mean people but more that… For me sleeping around is not in my value system. I want a beautiful life and I don’t feel that what I did added to my life. It feels like what I did has really hurt me. What is even harder is that when I try and explain this to my other gay ‘friends’ they think I am some kind of self-righteous asshole. I often get the answer to just ‘get over it’. Someone even told me that ‘I hate myself’. This is not true I have spent so much time working on myself. I don’t want to live some hedonistic lifestyle and I hate being made to feel bad about it. I wish I could go back and undo it all. I now know the reason I did what I did was because I had low self-esteem. My self-esteem is very good today but I still have the hurt. I know that often an outside perspective can offer some valuable insight. Has anybody had a similar experience?
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Re: Getting over hurt

Postby doctor dan » Thu Apr 11, 2013 8:06 pm

You already know this, I'm sure, but you're allowing yourself to feel bad. Nobody can do that to you without your permission. So stop allowing yourself to feel bad about things you did in the past that you regret. Whatever your value system is now, it is a cumulative aggregate of your past, present, and future. You would not be where you are today without the formative actions in your past. You know this too, it's folly to regret past deeds. You cannot undo them. It sounds like you have come to terms with whatever you did in the past. So move on.

If there are people around you who bring up past things that irritate you, politely tell them that you have moved beyond that "stage" of your life and would appreciate their not rehashing it any more. If they persist, I'll borrow a line from Dear Abby: find new people to associate with. You'll do all of you a favor. Good luck!
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Re: Getting over hurt

Postby DeckApe » Sat Apr 13, 2013 8:38 am

I think Doctor Dan covered pretty much everything I would've said and did so in a more eloquent fashion.

Apparently we as gay men are somehow expected to be... well, sluts. I'm sorry your 'friends' don't get that you do not wish to "conform," as it were. I personally think it is great that you want to keep intimacy intimate.

Again, I'm with Dan. Find new friends!
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Re: Getting over hurt

Postby MrGreen » Sun Apr 14, 2013 12:40 pm

Thank you, doctor dan and DeckApe for the advice. I have spent the weekend thinking it through and you have given me an insight I really needed. My friends do want me to be like them but I have changed so much. I think I already know which of my friends respect my boundaries, who wants the best for me and who doesn’t.
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Re: Getting over hurt

Postby nimby » Thu Apr 18, 2013 7:21 pm

And you are only human too. Your feelings are yours to experience and grow from. All are beneficial, even the ones you don't give permission to experience. Without the bad, there is no good. Just own them, learn from them, forgive yourself and move on. Yes, new friends may be in order. Good luck.
"Why do we have asteroids in the hemisphere and hemmorroids in the a$$ ? "
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