What is so wrong with being who you are?

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What is so wrong with being who you are?

Postby Ferocious » Sun Apr 22, 2012 4:31 pm

I'm sure this is going to bring on a rash of comments from some people (ie whoever this "Desperate" person is...seriously I've never seen so much hatred and intolerance come from one person before) but I have to ask what is so wrong with being who you are?

Personally I'm not one of the "straight acting" guys on here. Never have been. Never will be. I'm just not...and its taken me 25 years to be ok with that. This issue for me goes back as far as the first day of kindergarten. I've never had many male friends (straight male friends that is, and I'm using straight here as it was intended...to refer to males who like females) for as long as I can remember. Almost as if I had been labeled as "different" or "odd" without ever having known it. In recent years I've taken on a very unhealthy attitude towards "straight acting" or legitimately straight men. I fear them. And with good reason.

My question is...why do so many people go OUT OF THEIR WAY to make "fem" guys lives harder than they already are? I've tried all I'm willing to try to blend in and become "acceptable" so I won't die alone, but what makes it ok for people to aggressively let you know that you (not what you do or how you act, but YOU) are wrong for merely existing in their sight?

This is a bit of a tangent, but it ties in. When I go out in public I don't dress flamboyantly (I don't at home either, but that's besides the point), usually things that everyone in the world wears. Jeans, hoodies, hats, etc. And no matter what I do...I get called out by SA or "straight" men. Not pointed at or looked at or whispered at...but verbally (and LOUDLY might I add) announced to the world as someTHING to be avoided. Something to be feared. Something wrong. Maybe someone on here can shed some light on this matter for me. Am I not a person because I look a little different? OH and for the record...I'm 5'11'' and weigh about 120 soaking wet (through no choice of mine, I have a skinny family and a fast metabolism).

P.S. I just thought of something else while I'm here, are there guys out there that like "fem" men just for who they are? I've read a few posts about SA guys liking "fem" guys but there's always some kind of sexual fetish attached to it where the "fem" is asked to wear panties or makeup to bed or something like that. I happen to like more masculine men (not in an objective way, but I just like the feeling of a guy who is more muscular than me...in a lot of ways haha), that being said; I would NEVER ask a guy to wear football pads to bed...or to run outside and go roll in dirt and grease...etc. I know those things don't apply to ALL masculine men, but get where I'm going. And if you don't, the point of the story is that just because I'm more "fem" doesn't mean I want to wear frilly panties and makeup to make a man happy, just as I wouldn't ask him to wear pads or get all dirty for me.

I reiterate....WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH BEING WHO YOU ARE?
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Re: What is so wrong with being who you are?

Postby catapult » Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:54 pm

Us straight-acting gays just want to show our straight friends that we are normal, masculine guys who just happen to like guys.

We want to be accepted as "normal" other than our same-sex attraction.

Our feminine-acting gay brothers/sisters embarrass us as our straight friends see their flamboyance and label and demean all gays as flaming fems and women in men's bodies.

Hence the backlash by masculine gays towards feminine gays.

Is being a feminine-acting gay a choice, or were they born that way?

Is there another layer of sexual or gender difference between masculine gays and feminine gays?
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Re: What is so wrong with being who you are?

Postby Earl Butz » Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:33 am

I wouldn't say they embarrass me, but I do cringe at what a boring stereotype they are.

Fem acting gays seem to be better at socializing, but only with other fem acting gays. We're never going to get anywhere if all we do is hang out in the ghetto with other gays. We have to become part of mainstream society. Just live our boring lives and let people see how boring and normal we really are. It's the only way you kill bigotry.
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Re: What is so wrong with being who you are?

Postby Guinness Fan » Sun Apr 29, 2012 12:59 pm

^^^^^ Well said Earl^^^^^^
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Re: What is so wrong with being who you are?

Postby DeckApe » Sun Apr 29, 2012 9:04 pm

^^^^^ ditto ^^^^^
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Re: What is so wrong with being who you are?

Postby nimby » Tue May 01, 2012 3:33 pm

I have nooooooo problem with someone being who they are, as long as they don't over do it. See, I've been around long enough to realize that many gays pour on the 'fem' act just like many pour on the 'masc' act too. I've seen it many times first hand. Just be you, no act, no agenda, and all will be fine.
Last edited by nimby on Tue May 01, 2012 3:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What is so wrong with being who you are?

Postby Guinness Fan » Tue May 01, 2012 3:37 pm

^^^yet another ditto ^^^^
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Re: What is so wrong with being who you are?

Postby Phoenix6570 » Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:24 pm

I think many people in general and not just men have a problem with effeminate men because we have all been raised to believe that is not how a man should act. I've heard many people ask and try to describe what makes a man and femininity is usually never part of the equation. When people encounter a effeminate man I think a number of emotions flare up in them some emotions they may not have dealt with before. I think people vocally go out of their way to harass or make comments to validate their belief. If they say what they want and nobody stops them or others join in laugh etc. Then they feel like they're right in believing an effeminate man is a lesser man and have no problem treating him as such.

I'm sure they're plenty of other reasons this goes on but I think the initial driving force is fear. People see a behavior they don't like, so they attack it in a variety of ways in hopes that it will stop and not spread to others.

Theres nothing wrong with being who you are. Thats the only way to go through life so while it will be difficult at times and you will face nasty people you have to put your best foot forward and try and surround yourself with others who don't judge you.
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