Hey everyone

Talks about guys that are nellie.

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Hey everyone

Postby Davey » Sun Nov 01, 2009 1:16 pm

I just signed up to the forum and introduced myself on the users forum, but this place seemed more relevant to my first post - so here it goes...

I'm a 25 year old straight guy (yes you read that, I'm straight) from the UK, and I think probably about 3-4 years ago started having "curious" thoughts - as time has gone on these thoughts have gotten stronger and stronger and it's now reached a stage where its almost unbearable - I don't have any gay friends, or family - and they are not very accepting either.

I'm not saying that I'm gay, or bi - I don't think I am - but it just got to a stage where I was having so many thoughts and fantasies (and still am) that I've reached a point where I had to at least try and find and get in contact with gay guys who are into the same sort of things that I am.

I don't think I could probably act on the thoughts I'm having but I thought it would at least be nice to talk to try and talk to some guys about them!

I've tried a few other gay forums but have been mostly ignored unfortunately, I can only assume that most people think I'm joking or playing around, probably because my situation is a bit unusual, but I can assure you guys I'm serious, and I'm looking to chat and maybe even get some advice.

I'm not really sure what triggered the thoughts to start happening, or why I have them - and its really hard to explain what they're about, these thoughts aren't driven by sex - I'm not just some straight guy who has started fantasising about sex with men - quite the opposite, I can tell you right now that never factors in, it doesn't appeal - instead it's certain aspects of gay lifestyle and people that have suddenly started to become strangely attractive, and I guess as you've probably guessed by now its the sort of flaming "effeminate man" side of things that have started appealing.

I'm not a massive guy (I'm quite slim in fact) but I'm quite masculine in personality I guess, and strangely it's the appeal of all the things that I'm not, that I suddenly became quite curious about, so it's effeminate \ camp men, fashion, gay music and all that kind of stuff that strangely has started to turn me on.

I know this is probably sounding quite weird right now, I know because I've never met another straight guy like me (or willing to admit it) - but as these thoughts became stronger I have to confess that I started having all manner of pretty crazy gay dreams - and then eventually as of about 1 year ago I've started thinking about men during masturbation - something I feel mildly guilty about.

The ideas that appeal to me are being very intimate with another guy, so closeness, touching, definitely kissing.. but that's kind of as far as it goes - I don't think about sex, but also getting into a very particular side of gay lifestyle \ culture that is really far removed from my current "straight" interests, such as going out, clubbing, music, outwardly gay fashion, effeminate behaviours and mannerisms and all that kind of stuff - the thoughts are getting stronger as each day goes by - when I compose myself and leave the house I don't really feel any different - I'm still interested in girls and I certainly don't show any signs of these new feelings, although if I see a gay guy I will certainly observe them from a distance.

All in all I don't know what to do with all these thoughts, but I do know that when I get home it's pretty much all I can think about - and I have to confess I keep having more dreams some of which are getting pretty intense - I had one recently where I met a camp (ish) gay guy and we became friends and he slowly turned me into his boyfriend, changed my dress sense, attitude, personality and got me into dance and club music.. and I have to admit it was just utterly thrilling - I was so confused but so excited when I woke up.

I've written a lot so I'll stop now - but I really hope there's someone out there on the forum I can connect with and hopefully chat to - and of course that definitely includes effeminate "queens" if there are any reading!
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby nimby » Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:26 pm

Wow, you put it into words very well. You are drawn to it for some reason, possibly because it is so different than your normal life. I was too. I really don't have any exlaination for it, but I just gave in to it. I learned that, "If you repress, you will obcess." And I was obcessing. It was consuming every minute of every day. And I gave in.

All I can tell you is that I'm a very different person than I was a couple years ago. I'm still married to an amazingly supportive wife, a dad to two little kids, on the hunt for a male partner to somehow fit in to all of this, and I've NEVER BEEN HAPPIER in my entire life. I still don't completely understand it , but that's ok. I don't have to anymore. Please feel free to PM me if you want to chat further.

Cheers.
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby Davey » Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:37 pm

Hey thanks for the reply, I had to try and explain my situation as best as I could because I fear most people think I'm joking (and have done in the past).

I think your description could be quite right, I'm just drawn to something that's very different and alien to me - but it doesn't make it any easier to accept!

I'd be interested in discussing this and your situation more sure, I'll pm you.

If anyone else wants to chat please reply to this thread - looking to make as many connections as I can here!
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby ispeaktexan » Mon Nov 02, 2009 7:05 pm

Well what an odd situation you are in.
I wouldn't like to be confused like that.
But it makes a lot of sense if you follow that little saying 'opposites attract'.

And that 'repress, obsess' thing is true, i think its happening to me now.
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby butch » Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:02 pm

You need to stop worrying about "what is gay" and "what is not gay". Most people are insecure about "not belonging" and like the world to be black and white as regards "the rules"... whatever that is.

You are obviously in some grey area of sexual desire and probably longing for "companionship". Just don't worry about what people say and try to follow your inner desires. There are a hundred shades of grey between straight and gay and some other shades of sexual desire that don't come close to either.

As regards being "straight" or "gay"... the simple rule is what you think about when beating the meat, as it were. If you have little sexual desire, of any kind, well you are in a minority, but don't let it bother you. There are others like you but finding a suitable companion may not happen. That's life.

I'm certain a lot of guys join the military who aren't really gay, but really enjoy spending their time with other guys. Strange, but true.

For all you know, you could be a bi-sexual woman trapped in a man's body. Just remember, if you think about guys when you beat it off, you are gay inclined. If you think of women, you are straight inclined. If you think about goats, leather, chains, cartoon characters, or something not quite male or female, you are in a rare league of humans, but likely not alone... just lonely.

The stereotype of gay guy portrayed in the media is a myth... don't believe it. Don't try to follow rules you think exist, but really don't. Just be you and follow your heart.
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby Daknee » Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:43 pm

butch wrote:You need to stop worrying about "what is gay" and "what is not gay". Most people are insecure about "not belonging" and like the world to be black and white as regards "the rules"... whatever that is.

You are obviously in some grey area of sexual desire and probably longing for "companionship". Just don't worry about what people say and try to follow your inner desires. There are a hundred shades of grey between straight and gay and some other shades of sexual desire that don't come close to either.

As regards being "straight" or "gay"... the simple rule is what you think about when beating the meat, as it were. If you have little sexual desire, of any kind, well you are in a minority, but don't let it bother you. There are others like you but finding a suitable companion may not happen. That's life.

I'm certain a lot of guys join the military who aren't really gay, but really enjoy spending their time with other guys. Strange, but true.

For all you know, you could be a bi-sexual woman trapped in a man's body. Just remember, if you think about guys when you beat it off, you are gay inclined. If you think of women, you are straight inclined. If you think about goats, leather, chains, cartoon characters, or something not quite male or female, you are in a rare league of humans, but likely not alone... just lonely.

The stereotype of gay guy portrayed in the media is a myth... don't believe it. Don't try to follow rules you think exist, but really don't. Just be you and follow your heart.



Butch you've said it very well!

Davey I hope Butch's wisdom has help you some.
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby olywaguy » Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:26 am

...or he could be bisexual as well. Its okay if you like both genders too. It doesn't have to be an either/or kind of situation.

I think that Davey is also craving just plain old male companionship. So many men are growing up without a dad or any other males around them. They are around women all the time and hence there are men craving just plain old male companionship. Men are losing connection with other men. The only men who don't seem to have a problem with that are gay men because their relationships are all based on being with other males.

Men are no longer sharing male companionship/intimacy because (for the straight man) they are afraid of being tagged "gay." That causes a great deal of stress in the male psyche.

I am big on hugging and sometimes that might put off some guys. Most men are growing up without receiving male touch like hugging a good friend or your children or your dad, etc.
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby DeckApe » Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:13 am

Welcome, Davey!

I'd just like to say 'good for you' for wanting to deal with this rather than try to bury it. That's a good way to implode.

Everything I had to offer on this topic (which admittedly wasn't much) has pretty much been said, but I'll certainly echo it... you may well be looking for male companionship, pure and simple. A 'deep friendship' which most men are afraid to cultivate for fear of being labeled 'gay' and, as a result, become your stereotypical beer-swilling, sports-cheering, he-man types.

Your desire to check out 'the other side' is perfectly normal, if only because you see a group of people who aren't afraid to be in deep friendships with the same gender ("As he dances all around the word 'intimate,'" says the play-by-play guy).
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby Davey » Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:51 pm

Thanks for the replies guys, even though it feels really weird saying this right now - I think you're right in that I shouldn't rule out that I could be bi-sexual of or even gay-inclined.

I'm really not sure I can agree with the "male companionship" point though, obviously as a single person right now I miss companionship (but that probably goes for any single person, male, female, gay or straight) but I don't think there's any secret longing that's been going on for a male partner. Right now even the thought of having or living with a male partner is unthinkable.

The weird thing is this attraction to a very particular gay stereotype, and it's the effeminate man (the fact this site has a forum for just exactly that is the reason why I signed up to this forum!) and a lot of the personality and culture that goes with it that's become a really bizarre turn on - and I know that probably sounds very superficial and shallow but it's just the way it is - it's not something I can really control.

Guys that act really girly, wear certain clothes, have a certain attitude and listen to certain music - are a strange turn on and I don't know why - I guess I can't simplify it any more than that - just the thought of finding one to chat to online makes me feel uneasy but excited!
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby butch » Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:40 am

Guys that act really girly, wear certain clothes, have a certain attitude and listen to certain music - are a strange turn on and I don't know why - I guess I can't simplify it any more than that - just the thought of finding one to chat to online makes me feel uneasy but excited!


Well, lots of straight men are turned on by wearing woman's underwear, so you are narrowing down your attractions.

I have no idea what it all means. I'm not even remotely attracted to effeminate men, so I have no ideas on the subject, at all.

I'm guessing you were the youngest child of a domineering mother.

But what do I know? I guess what I'm saying is, your attractions may be more psychologically driven than sexually driven, and you have an underlying fear of women. You don't want to get hurt in a relationship. But what do I know? You need to find what makes you happy and enjoy life, so keep searching for answers and follow your desires while respecting others.
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby olywaguy » Wed Nov 04, 2009 9:53 am

Davey wrote:The weird thing is this attraction to a very particular gay stereotype, and it's the effeminate man (the fact this site has a forum for just exactly that is the reason why I signed up to this forum!) and a lot of the personality and culture that goes with it that's become a really bizarre turn on - and I know that probably sounds very superficial and shallow but it's just the way it is - it's not something I can really control.

Guys that act really girly, wear certain clothes, have a certain attitude and listen to certain music - are a strange turn on and I don't know why - I guess I can't simplify it any more than that - just the thought of finding one to chat to online makes me feel uneasy but excited!


Don't fret about this attraction. There are tons of gay men who have particular attractions to certain types of guys. Yes, some just like feminine guys, others have a preference for more masculine guys, hairy guys, guys attracted to feet, guys only attracted to ethnic men, etc. If an effeminate guy is what you attracted then go for that. I am sure there are lots of effeminate guys out there who will consider themselves lucky to be with you.
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby Davey » Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:37 pm

I definitely think the attraction is just as psychological as it is physical, maybe even moreso, I'm not the youngest child of a domineering mother though :)

I guess I'll keep searching to find the answers, it's hard to know where to look though.

Can anyone recommend any other good forums or resources?
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby butch » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:41 am

These days forums and bulletin boards are old school. Facebook and Twitter are the new kids on the block. http://Gay.com may have something, but I don't know... I'm not much into gay sites, myself. Most gay men are mostly interested in getting laid, and often. Social networking is not their forte. I have a link on my ButchBoard to forums, worldwide, but mostly they are by country. The list is here http://www.gayegypt.com/formenseekeg.html

This board is a nice quiet little neck of the woods not overly concerned with getting laid.

If you live in a large city there will likely be a gay centre, but they may not have groups except for teens. You would have to be a teen to be allowed to join into those groups. Trying to find yourself, your sexuality and desires, is not an easy thing to do. You aren't likely to find a group of effeminate men looking to hold your hand and guide you. There are all kinds of gay men (and women) and finding friends is a chore, sometimes... particularly if you don't live in a large city.

In any case, you can poke around index 2 of my website to find some links. See my website link, below.
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby batty » Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:10 am

Hi Davey, y' all rite

Welcome to the boards! The road to self-discovery in long and continuous. So buckle up and enjoy the ride, so to speak. I say enjoy, but I know it most of the time comes with very little "enjoyment" and much anguish and acrimony. You're in control of where it will take you. Sounds simple doesn't it? But people, friends, even very good friends, will try to sway you into their "camp" (no pun intended). After a while it does start to sink in and you can easily fall into the trap (2 close friends this year tried to convince me that I was straight because I couldn't be gay!, talk about circular argument), it's not that people don't mind their business, most of the time it's to help (the whole "I've been there..." argument). But this is a journey you have to undertake yourself, for yourself. It's not about picking sides, it's about what feels "right" to you. And back to the "enjoyment" part I mentioned earlier, what feels "right" is by no means necessarily easy.

In the meantime, you are most welcome here (and at the same time you bolster the Commonwealth representation :D )
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby Davey » Sat Nov 07, 2009 5:51 pm

Thanks.

So does anyone know of any internet forums or resources dedicated to camp acting or effeminate gay men?
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby butch » Sun Nov 08, 2009 12:07 am

"You know it's going to be bad, but you just can't prepare yourself" ... Homer Simpson
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Re: Hey everyone

Postby nimby » Fri Dec 18, 2009 11:48 am

Surprise. You found me out, eh? LOL!!!
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