Dustin Council (1984-2010)

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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby solitaryman1969 » Mon May 10, 2010 11:39 pm

Chip, you and Dustin have been in my thoughts and prayers for the last few days, and I've been dedicating my yoga practise the last few days to you, sending you some cosmic hugs. Be well.
"Time is priceless, yet it costs us nothing. You can do anything you want with it, except own it. You can spend it, but you can't keep it. And once you've lost it, there is no getting it back. It's just gone."
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby JakeMIke » Thu May 13, 2010 10:53 am

What terrible news! Can anyone PM me and give me an address so I can send a card? I feel very helpless being so far away and not being able to offer comfort to Chip. He and Dustin sent me a very nice card and picture of them at their wedding and I still have it. I am very sad.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Schlodesss » Fri May 14, 2010 7:25 am

Yeah I am still thinking about it too.. I feel crummy but don't really know what to say except that I am sorry.

Sometimes this life..... :?
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Cajun » Fri May 14, 2010 7:43 am

For anyone around here who wants to DO something for Chip, there's gonna be a memorial service in Lafayette on June 5th. A few of us will be attending. Anyone else interested in a place to stay for the weekend, get in touch with me..........
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Gaydudelaf » Mon May 17, 2010 4:49 pm

Hey guys! Cajun, it will be great to see you in Lafayette. I think anyones fear when a loved one dies is that no one will care and all of your condolences have gotten me through a very difficult time.

Now its time for me to ramble and get some useless musings off of my chest. Thanks to all of you for being there for me even if only online.

I am getting used to the idea that Dustin is gone for good. Its been a roller coaster ride to get to this point, but I have always known that this may be how I loose him. Dustin led a sad and very hard life.

His problems began before he was even born. His father of record once pushed his mother down the stairs so that she would loose him because he was not sure that she had cheated on him. Then he left with his older brother before he was even born. He didn't meet his older brother until he was a teen.

According to his family, his mother used to leave him and his younger brother alone when he was a toddler. I heard of one story when he was five, his Grandmother came over and he was picking maggots out of the oatmeal so he could make breakfast for him and his younger brother. She said she come over for Christmas and there were no toys for them, but a shotgun for her boyfriend. I saw childhood pictures of him when the grandmother got them under pants and t-shirts and how excited they were. His younger brother used to get toys that he was not allowed to play with because the father of the younger brother hated his mother. Eventually, the younger brother was rescued from the neglect by his father and Dustin's mother sent him to Louisiana so he would not be taken away. Then she a left him with his grandparents and disappeared.

One story that sticks out in my mind is his trip to the Circus. One time his mother promised to take him and his little brother to the Circus. She put them in the car and made a stop at the bar. Several hours later she came out after leaving them in the car to wait. She was drunk and the Circus had already ended so they went home.

Eventually she met a man named Randy and got married to him. I have pictures of the wedding. Dustin wasn't even there. Randy eventually insisted that he meet Dustin and took Dustin under his wing. He gave Dustin the passion of Louisiana Cooking. Dustin was so brilliant. Probably a genius. He picked up on the computer fast. He also learned at a young age that he was attracted to men. Eventually his mother kicked him out of the house just before he turned 15. He was taken in by a man that took naked pictures of him and exploited him. This man was caught by the FBI. After interrogating Dustin his mother emancipated him and left him on the streets to fend for himself. The middle school in church point Louisiana kicked him out because his hygiene went to hell. In his life he worked his way to San Francisco, LA, Houston, and Atlanta.

When I met Dustin our attraction was immediate and definitive. It was clear that he was troubled but I couldn't let go despite the wise advise of my friends. I had been in the closet and single most of my life. As we grew together I decided it was worth the risk. He has followed me from town to town and from career disappointment after career disappointment. His mental illness got worse and worse.

Coming home and finding him dead was the worst day of my life. Three weeks before he died a neighbor took his anti anxiety pills. I thought he was getting better when his doctor finally refilled the prescription relieving him of unbearable anxiety. I went out for some "me" time. The police just let me lay on the floor and weep in handcuffs until a detective came and tested my hands for nitrates. Then I sat in an interrogation room until about 9 am coming home just in time to see him wheeled out in a body bag. A neighbor that always used to steal from him and stress him out (and also probably stole his medication) came in and vanished. I was still in shock. When she left his computer and wedding band was missing from the Dresser. I still can't get the police to do anything about it.

Tomorrow night it will have been two weeks and I think I am starting to accept things. Thank god for my parents for getting me the hell out of there. I still feel sad from time to time like when my parents fight, or when I think of his mother still not being reachable. I went to workout and swimming with my father today and I pictured him the last time I saw him alive playing in the pool and giving me a hard time because I wasn't spending time with him. On the other hand, knowing his disease, I know that he was not in his right mind when he pulled the trigger. Had I come home and stopped him, he would not remember what he tried to do the next day. I still feel bad when I look at the phone records and see all the times he tried to call me on my old number. More than anything, I wish I could just hold him.

Thanks for being for me again and I look forward to seeing many of you in Lafayette!
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Lesley R. Charles » Mon May 17, 2010 5:50 pm

Chip, I am glad that we can be here for you to talk about it. It is a shame he had so many inner demons to fight.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby drtom » Mon May 17, 2010 6:34 pm

Gaydudelaf wrote:As we grew together I decided it was worth the risk.


"There is no security on earth. Only opportunity."
-Douglas Macarthur

I've thought about writing you several times - I just don't know what to say. I am soo sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby nimby » Mon May 17, 2010 8:08 pm

Oh, Chip, please take comfort in the fact that you did your ultimate best for him, but sometimes fate wins in the end. Know that you can reach out to any of us, and we'll gladly lend you an ear to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, and a heart to share with you when you think yours is irrepairable. Just know that your Dustin is peacefully free from pain and when you meet again, he will thank you deeply for doing your best. Everyone finds eternal peace and everyone goes home to heaven. Everyone.

I think about you two daily, and you are both in my prayers every night.

Michael.
Last edited by nimby on Tue May 18, 2010 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Earl Butz » Tue May 18, 2010 6:52 am

I think the way you were treated by the police was inhuman and a travesty, but I don't know all the details. Maybe that's routine with gun deaths.

I wish he had talked more about his troubles on this board. Maybe we could have helped him out, or been a shoulder to cry on.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby backpacker » Thu May 20, 2010 12:34 pm

I had no idea of the pain that Dustin must have been dealing with. His "mom" if you can call her that should have been put in jail for abuse and neglect. He befriended me on facebook and he seemed very together but as someone who never met him face to face I never knew of his inner problems. I've never met Chip face to face but I can tell you are a great guy and that is why this still pains me to think about. While I will not be able to make it to the memorial, I would still like information on making a donation in Dustin's name when you decide on a cause.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Gaydudelaf » Sat May 22, 2010 4:51 pm

Thanks again to everyone who has been providing prayers and support to Dustin and I! I finally got in touch with his Mother today and his brother so now his whole family knows. His mother is a basket case. I also found out today that the reason his biological father doesn't want anything to do with him is because he is gay. Thank god he had a step dad for even a short period.

On the lighter side, the Police found his wedding ring and arrested our neighbor who took it. She also took his favorite necklace. We still can't find his computer, but he had some music on it so the Police may have taken it and kept it. They told me they didn't have it. I feel bad for her because she is a severe alcoholic, but with all of the injustice Dustin had to live through I had to make sure that he got Justice this one time.

I don't remember too much about the night that he found him but I was able to talk to one of the officers that was there. Apparently, I was hysterical and they handcuffed me because they thought I was going to hurt myself. I am going to accept that and wished them well for protecting me.

I am doing surprisingly well with this. I still have sad moments, and will for a long time, but am comforted by the fact that this would have happened eventually. His brother shared with me that depression and suicide unfortunately run in his family.

Thanks again for everyone's support and I look forward to seeing those of you who can make it to Lafayette. After this party, I am going to take my wedding ring of and let him go. He will always be in my heart though. I am going to keep his ashes until I can afford a decent final resting place with some kind of headstone. For those of you that can't make it but will be praying for us, thank you as well!

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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby olywaguy » Sat May 22, 2010 11:40 pm

Hey Chip, let yourself go through the mourning process in due time. Its important that you do. There's no hurry to move on so quickly. Nobody expects you to get over this in such a short period of time.

I've been thinking of you a lot lately. Big hugs.
Carlos

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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby J » Thu Jun 03, 2010 11:08 pm

I feel like I should add my $0.02 about Dustin's mother. I met her for a short time when I went to visit Chip, Dustin and Normen while they were in Long Beach. Dustin's mom was with them, and I was expecting her to be a lot worse than the lonely, sad, but somewhat funny woman I met. I actually liked her and liked talking to her. I guess she was "tagging along" or something, but I'm guessing she doesn't have many, if any, people in her life, and I had to empathize. I know loneliness very well, and I have a myriad of mental "demons" I've been fighting for as long as I can remember. Of course, I only met her once, so I likely only saw a small part of who she is.

Although I cannot make it there this weekend, I decided that if I could, I would have given her a rose or something. I wonder, if I wired a few bucks to someone, could that person give her a rose (not sure what color, I guess any) and my condolences? I know she was not a model mom for the most part, but I could tell she (finally?) loved Dustin, and seemed to need him or want to be with him and not be so lonely. I can't imagine how badly she's taking it. She must be a wreck...
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby nimby » Fri Jun 04, 2010 9:35 am

Chip, I agree with Carlos, take your time to grieve. But also remember that Dustin is now in a place where no one and nothing can hurt him any more. And he is so happy and thankful for what you two did share. To me it sounds like you were the only shining point in his life, and that is such an honour, to have that kind of impact on another's existance.

Always remember that now he will never be far from you, all you have to do is close your eyes and call his name, and he will be there in all his glory. I know that for a fact.

Peace and love and a big hug to you, brother.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Gaydudelaf » Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:27 pm

Hey dudes!

Thanks to all of you for the moral support, advise, prayers, and flat out being there for me! The memorial was a very phenomenal healing experience for those who attended. For those of you who were unable to attend Dustin's memorial, I will be posting pictures to my Facebook page. We may start making this gathering an annual thing since everyone got along so well. A lot of new friendships were formed! Here is a link to the first batch of pictures from Dale G. Will someone please let me know if these are not open to the public so I can fix it.



http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=65229&id=1442983906&ref=mf
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Earl Butz » Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:45 am

I can't see the pics. But I'm cyber challenged.... :P
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Gaydudelaf » Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:49 am

There are more coming in. I may just post one big album somewhere!
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby J » Tue Jun 08, 2010 2:14 am

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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby foxeyes2 » Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:55 am

It was an honor to be there and so great to meet people I only knew online. It also helped me understand my brother better.
I do hope it can become an annual event.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Cajun » Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:16 am

Here's the group photo from my home-crew this past weekend:

Image

From the left:

Dan (Token Straight Guy!)
Moi
Monte (foxeyes)
Chris
Lou (furface)
Matthew (derwanderer)


Dan's wife Kerry took the pic - what a group, what a weekend!!!!!
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Gaydudelaf » Fri Sep 10, 2010 11:47 am

Hey all! I just wanted to let everyone know that I have some closure! It appears that Dustin was cremated on July the 8th. I was finally approved to take his remains and notified August 25 that I could get his ashes. They sent them to me in a Cardboard Box, but I have purchased a nice URN that has an engraved picture of a guy with a hat (that looks just like his favorite Dick Tracy hat) fishing and looking at a Light House (like the one we discovered on our way to Canada to get married). I also finally got his Death Certificate on Monday.

Thanks again everyone for all of the emotional support! I feel like I am more on the mend now!
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby nimby » Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:46 pm

That's great news, Chip. It's a long road for sure, but just take one day at a time and remember, Dustin will never be totally gone. He will always be a part of you where ever you go, and that you made him happier. I didn't even know him, yet I still think of him and you often with a very heavy heart. Take care of yourself.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Gaydudelaf » Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:50 pm

nimby wrote:That's great news, Chip. It's a long road for sure, but just take one day at a time and remember, Dustin will never be totally gone. He will always be a part of you where ever you go, and that you made him happier. I didn't even know him, yet I still think of him and you often with a very heavy heart. Take care of yourself.


Thanks Nimby! Hopefully we can meet you one day. I was thinking about you when I was in Ottawa a few months ago.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby DeckApe » Mon Sep 13, 2010 9:01 am

Hey Chip! I am glad to hear from you. I think of you often and am glad that you are making your way through it all.
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Re: Dustin Council (1984-2010)

Postby Lesley R. Charles » Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:22 am

Chip, I am happy that you are doing better. That sounds like a good way to honor Dustin.
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