I wish I was straight

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Is it possible to find someone who believes in 100% monogamy?

Yes
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No
5
14%
 
Total votes : 37

I wish I was straight

Postby WetStick » Sat Nov 24, 2007 4:52 pm

Why is it that I live in a relatively large city and can't find a guy, my type, who wants to be in a monogamous relationship. I'm not a bad looking guy. in fact, I get hit on very often when I go out, by hot guys too! They all want sex only. It's easy to get sex, but I want more. Do any guys living this lifestyle know how to be with ONE guy only? If I could flip a switch and become attracted to women, I'd do it. Do we have to grow old alone or be in an "open" relationship? I'd rather grow old alone. Maybe it's my fault. I have to be physically attracted to a guy from the beginning, before I'll make an attempt to get to know him for the possibility of developing a relationship. I guess I'm a "love at first sight" kind of guy. Someone let me know, am I alone out here?
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Postby furface » Sat Nov 24, 2007 10:31 pm

Possible, of course; easy - NO. Lose the love at first sight criteria. While it do happen, it's rarer than hens' teeth. You'd be better off workin' on being friends than plottin' a relationship. Most all the long term couples I've met over the past 40 years have started out as friends first and that relationship growed into love and more.

Take your time, think with both heads (but mostly the one furtherest from the floor), and trust your gut reaction.

There are 'nice guys' out there who will be in sync with your ideals and mores. Some are even found in bars and chat rooms. But remember this: your list of must haves ain't, or shouldn't be, a check list what one miss equals elimination from the dating pool. Be flexible, just not to the point of them Mongolian gals who work for Cirque de Soliel.
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Postby gvtire » Sat Nov 24, 2007 11:16 pm

There are plenty of us out there that want monogamous relationship. I have no desire to be involved in a open relationship. It would never work for me, because of what want out of life (ie childern). For me if I wanted to some on the side, I would not be in a relationship at all.
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Postby DeckApe » Sun Nov 25, 2007 10:32 am

I'm pretty serious about my monogamy, too. I'm exclusive with my guy--though we've discussed a few friends as potential thirds. I've told him that no matter how hot the friends were, I'd feel like I was cheating on him.

So far, the list has about three people on it--all hetero. :lol: (Or so they claim. I'm really not sure about the third.)
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Postby RedRage00 » Sun Nov 25, 2007 4:13 pm

It's possible, but it isn't easy.

I havent found anything in all my 7+ years of being out and dating LOL
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Postby chidiver » Sun Dec 02, 2007 3:52 pm

I wonder if it has something to do with one's age? I would think that as a guy gets older they are looking to settle down more and stick to just one fella. Now for my straight buddies, it seems that they start to cheat five to seven years into the marriage after they get sick of their wife's "bait and switch" and the drudgery of family and kids starts to kick in.
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Postby Texas_Thang » Sun Dec 02, 2007 5:04 pm

We're annoyingly monogamous.... much to the consternation of some of Dallas's "royalty" LOL.
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby HetHater » Tue Dec 11, 2007 8:55 pm

WetStick wrote:Why is it that I live in a relatively large city and can't find a guy, my type, who wants to be in a monogamous relationship. I'm not a bad looking guy. in fact, I get hit on very often when I go out, by hot guys too! They all want sex only. It's easy to get sex, but I want more. Do any guys living this lifestyle know how to be with ONE guy only? If I could flip a switch and become attracted to women, I'd do it. Do we have to grow old alone or be in an "open" relationship? I'd rather grow old alone. Maybe it's my fault. I have to be physically attracted to a guy from the beginning, before I'll make an attempt to get to know him for the possibility of developing a relationship. I guess I'm a "love at first sight" kind of guy. Someone let me know, am I alone out here?


If you're a love-at-first-sight person, then you've probably suffered a lot of child abuse and don't know it. You can probably solve this problem with psychotherapy or intensive reading, or both. Good luck.
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby HetHater » Tue Dec 11, 2007 8:56 pm

HetHater wrote:
WetStick wrote:Why is it that I live in a relatively large city and can't find a guy, my type, who wants to be in a monogamous relationship. I'm not a bad looking guy. in fact, I get hit on very often when I go out, by hot guys too! They all want sex only. It's easy to get sex, but I want more. Do any guys living this lifestyle know how to be with ONE guy only? If I could flip a switch and become attracted to women, I'd do it. Do we have to grow old alone or be in an "open" relationship? I'd rather grow old alone. Maybe it's my fault. I have to be physically attracted to a guy from the beginning, before I'll make an attempt to get to know him for the possibility of developing a relationship. I guess I'm a "love at first sight" kind of guy. Someone let me know, am I alone out here?


If you're a love-at-first-sight person, then you've probably suffered child abuse and don't know it. You can probably solve this problem with psychotherapy or intensive reading, or both. Good luck.
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby HetHater » Tue Dec 11, 2007 8:58 pm

WetStick wrote:Why is it that I live in a relatively large city and can't find a guy, my type, who wants to be in a monogamous relationship. I'm not a bad looking guy. in fact, I get hit on very often when I go out, by hot guys too! They all want sex only. It's easy to get sex, but I want more. Do any guys living this lifestyle know how to be with ONE guy only? If I could flip a switch and become attracted to women, I'd do it. Do we have to grow old alone or be in an "open" relationship? I'd rather grow old alone. Maybe it's my fault. I have to be physically attracted to a guy from the beginning, before I'll make an attempt to get to know him for the possibility of developing a relationship. I guess I'm a "love at first sight" kind of guy. Someone let me know, am I alone out here?


Also, your I-wish-I-were-straight depression is massive internalized homophobia, which is consistent with the child abuse hypothesis. Both can be addressed by a good psychotherapist. Good luck.
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Postby RedKen99 » Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:34 pm

I think couples have to understand that their partners were taught and raised that "monogamy" was normal and morally right. It's neither of those things. Monogamy or non-monogamy is normal and morally right.

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If you're fine with your partner dating or having sex with other people, then there is nothing wrong with that... But if you're not, and they do it anyway, then it's morally wrong.
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Postby nimby » Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:27 pm

I say that it's next to impossible for one person to fill all of one's emotional needs, and rather unfair to expect one to do so. Humans are social animals and need companionship in one form or another.
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Postby scguy » Tue Apr 21, 2009 6:17 pm

hmmm....not impossible nimby, my parents spent 55 years filling each others needs til dad passed a couple weeks ago. I would liked to have had what they had, but what can you do? :)
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Postby nimby » Tue Apr 21, 2009 8:41 pm

I'm sorry to hear about your dad's passing, but 55 years of wedded bliss is quite an achievement. Almost unherd of in today's world.

But the key words I used were, "next to impossible", not impossible. Now did your dad have any outside interests? Any buddy or friend that he also spent time with (and obviously I mean not in a sexual nature), did he have a positive male influence in his life growing up? Did he spend every waking moment with your mom? My point is that everyone needs a friend to pal around with, to do guy stuff with. If he found all his emotional needs in your mother, lucky guy. But it is a different world today, with changing relationships and personal situations. Pity really.
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Postby scguy » Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:35 pm

no you are correct, it is next to impossible to want to be around the same person for very long for anything. My parents were an exception I'll confess. If it was that easy I wouldn't still be looking. :D
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby Privaguy » Tue Dec 20, 2011 2:45 am

If I could flip a switch and be straight I would do it too, I can't live with this feelings and turmoil in my life anymore. It's taken it's toll - depression, anxiety, insomnia etc. Everytime I see a hot guy in a bar or night club or in the supermarket I feel depressed, sometimes I just leave the trolley right there and leave. I always have to ensure nobody see me stare.

I so desperately want to have a man in my life and be openly gay but my family, friends and co-workers will never accept it. My parents are very religious too and I'm fully aware of what the Bible say about homosexuality. I've always had relationships with woman too be "normal" but I'm not satisfied. When I wake-up next to my girlfriend I wish it was a guy laying next to me. When we make love I have to force myself to have an orgasm. When she wants to know why I tell her its the medication.

I know its wrong this is all wrong. If I could flip a switch and be straight I'd do it now.
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby nimby » Sun Dec 25, 2011 2:34 pm

Privaguy wrote:If I could flip a switch and be straight I would do it too, I can't live with this feelings and turmoil in my life anymore. It's taken it's toll - depression, anxiety, insomnia etc. Everytime I see a hot guy in a bar or night club or in the supermarket I feel depressed, sometimes I just leave the trolley right there and leave. I always have to ensure nobody see me stare.

I so desperately want to have a man in my life and be openly gay but my family, friends and co-workers will never accept it. My parents are very religious too and I'm fully aware of what the Bible say about homosexuality. I've always had relationships with woman too be "normal" but I'm not satisfied. When I wake-up next to my girlfriend I wish it was a guy laying next to me. When we make love I have to force myself to have an orgasm. When she wants to know why I tell her its the medication.

I know its wrong this is all wrong. If I could flip a switch and be straight I'd do it now.

Dude, It breaks my heart to hear you say these words. You have to find a way to make your life yours!!!!! It is up to you now, you are an adult and your own man. If you don't like your life, only you can change it. Life to too long and too precious to be so miserable.
"Why do we have asteroids in the hemisphere and hemmorroids in the a$$ ? "
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby Earl Butz » Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:10 am

If you figure things out, tell me how you did it. I'm in pretty much the same boat. Although I couldn't care less what the bible says. I've always thought the word "gay" was cruel irony. It's a life of sadness, as far as I can tell. And that's if you're brave enough to stick around.

:|
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby ProMale » Mon Dec 26, 2011 6:17 pm

I'm so glad I'm a homosexual, and I'm even more grateful that I wasn't born a woman. There's nothing genetic to being homosexual, of course; the "scientific" hype has all the odor of a mountain of manure. And before anyone says to me, "Well if it's not genetic then you must be able to choose," they should say it to a Catholic or a Jew. We don't "choose" our religions (or nonreligions) either, but only fools and scientists would claim that religion is genetic---as indeed they have, according to that mouthpiece of stupidity, Time magazine.

As for monogamy, it's not only unrealistic but is actually unnatural and even immoral: no human being should be expected to deprive themselves so cruelly. (And I suppose I should now also say, for the sake of those unnuanced minds that fly from one extreme to the other, that promiscuity isn't healthy either). In any case, I predict that if you were ever magically granted a romance in the style of contemporary Hollywood, in time you would eventually, and quite rightly, begin to pine for someone other than your spouse. Welcome to human nature; it's better than any foolery that heterosexuals ever cooked up. And, by the way, it doesn't at all mean that marriage is doomed. After all, nuclear marriage was invented by the Romans, and they managed it with great success, precisely because they were not monogamous and also not categorically heterosexual. So, as long as hetero-promoted Hollywood delusions about marriage live on in this country, its divorce rate will remain ridiculously high, and gay-identified homosexuals like you will continue to lead unfulfilled lives.
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby MarkPaul » Tue Dec 27, 2011 12:40 pm

I agree with some of what you (Promale) say.

I believe that sexual orientation is not "genetic" in the strictest definition of the word. Having identical twins with different sexual orientations belies that claim. There are many factors (genetics being one of them) that would influence that orientation and I believe that it is set before we as an individual have the ability to make a choice.

I think you are wrong when you say that monogamy is unrealistic, unnatural and immoral. Too many generalities for me. Just like it is foolish to say that everybody should be monogamous, it is equally foolish to say what you say. Curbing your "natural" inclinations is what everybody does as a part of society. Killing your rivals is undoubtedly a natural instinct for some, but we don't do that as a condition of being civilized. Settling down in a monogamous relationship has some benefits and some disadvantages, up to you decide if it works for you. I personally know that I would be happy if I were able to get the attention/sex from a lot of people, but I would be happier if I got it from one person that I cared about. If I had to choose between the two situations, I would definitely choose monogamy. If you say that you could have the best of both worlds, I would say that I am probably not able to enjoy it b/c part of the happiness that I got from that one person is knowing that he is also making the choice between the two worlds and he chose me. Vice versa. I would hope he would get happiness out of knowing that I could have sex with other people, but am choosing not to for him.

In general, I sometimes wonder about the "I wish I were straight" concept. Not so much these days, but it will always be a lingering question in the back of my mind. What helps me when thinking about it is knowing that being straight doesn't lead to instant happiness and that the underlying concern really isn't about being gay, but the societal baggage that comes with being gay. I live in a city where the societal baggage that weighs down on people who are gay is easy to avoid/ignore, so that might be a different factor than some of you guys.

anyhow, my random thoughts on the topic and I hope that it helps.
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby ProMale » Tue Dec 27, 2011 7:07 pm

MarkPaul wrote:I personally know that I would be happy if I were able to get the attention/sex from a lot of people, but I would be happier if I got it from one person that I cared about.

Before calling my ideas foolish, please read them carefully. Your middle paragraph misrepresents my post, and the line I've quoted above shows that you leapt to the very conclusion I cautioned against.

It might help to view a video that I ran across a couple of weeks ago; it agrees considerably with my views: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8SOQEitsJI. But please try not to misunderstand or misrepresent it too.
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby MarkPaul » Wed Dec 28, 2011 12:30 pm

Before calling my ideas foolish, please read them carefully. Your middle paragraph misrepresents my post, and the line I've quoted above shows that you leapt to the very conclusion I cautioned against.
Actually, I didn't. You misunderstood my post. The part that I said was foolish was saying that monogamy is "unrealistic, unnatural and immoral." I understood your comment to mean that it is always that way for everyone. Hence, my comment about "too many generalities." To postulate that it is "unrealistic, unnatural and immoral" for everyone is foolish just like it is to postulate that monogamy should be the rule for everyone. Everyone is different and have different inclinations. If I misunderstood your statement not to apply to everyone, then I was mistaken, but I think it's the natural implication of your words.

The part that you quoted is my personal assessment of the possible benefits that I would get from both a monogamous and nonmonogamous relationship. These are the benefits that I see them as they apply to me alone. I do not speak for anyone else. You have a different point of view as it applies to you. Sure, have at it, but don't tell me that my inclinations are "unrealistic, unnatural and immoral."

It might help to view a video that I ran across a couple of weeks ago; it agrees considerably with my views: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8SOQEitsJI. But please try not to misunderstand or misrepresent it too.
I think I got your viewpoint without having to watch that video. I simply disagree as it applies to me. I don't really want to f*** the s*** out of other people. I'd like it if one guy chose to be with me.
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby nimby » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:46 pm

And the word for the day is... monogamish.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... monogamish
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Re: I wish I was straight

Postby DeckApe » Thu Dec 29, 2011 8:37 pm

Good word, 'monogamish.' I know I used to be a hard-line monogamist... :oops:
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