Halfway wishing I never told my father...

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Halfway wishing I never told my father...

Postby Ajbeaz123 » Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:26 am

So I came out to my father the other day. He gave me the "I'll love you no matter who you are" speech mixed in with cursing fate the whole time, saying things like: goddamit no!, and why!?
Kiiinda feel like he doesn't like me anymore. I was the blacksheep of the family to start off with as I am a "k.i.p.p.e.r." due to mental health/substance abuse & general failure to thrive. Guess I feel like he just wrote me off after hearing that one, and has since redoubled the energy he puts towards my younger brother, named after him. I am jealous of Brian but love him still as he is my brother and he never asked to be put into this situation. I am okay w who I am regardless... Just a painful and disheartening experience. Lonely. Confusing. Cuz I am still financially dependent :/
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Re: Halfway wishing I never told my father...

Postby furface » Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:17 pm

AJ: Coming out ain't a singular event, in any sense of the words. There are always at least 2 parties to each incidence of coming out.

Well, except the initial coming out to yourself, that's always singular unless you're favoring multiple personality disorder. :wink:

You came out to your Dd; and that's a good thing. The fact he said he still loves ya is better. Here's the kicker though - now he has to deal with the reality of your orientation. He has to wrap his head and heart around this, for him, new reality regards who you are. He's got his own coming out to do. The best thing you can do is give him some time and space to come to grips with this. Don't press and don't back away. I know that sounds contradictory, but it's not really. Just be you and with a bit of luck and some time he may just surprise you with how much he has managed to learn.

Y'all be good to youseself, now. Ya hear!!
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Re: Halfway wishing I never told my father...

Postby nimby » Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:11 pm

AJ, congrats on having the courage to come out to your pop. That is a huge step. I will never be able to do that, ever.
Last edited by nimby on Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Halfway wishing I never told my father...

Postby sean304 » Sun Apr 15, 2012 10:11 pm

Yes, congrats on coming out. Unfortunately, I'm kind of with Nimby on this one. I think he pretty much has guessed anyway, but doesn't seem to be too keen to discuss it more. And I'm more than ok with not discussing it. Coming to terms with myself has been a very hard thing to do. But I like the courage that it took. Whether he comes around fully or doesn't you did what you needed to do to live your life on your own terms and that takes courage.
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