How to come out.

Was it tough or was it easy, or are you still locked in? Tell the world anonymously about your gayness should you choose.

Moderators: selective_soldier, furface, foxeyes2, olywaguy

How to come out.

Postby butch » Sat Jul 25, 2009 8:29 pm

There is no simple answer. There... I said it. That said, if you are young, this is worth watching...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkkRbVZ-5RE

You may have to change your entire life in order to come out. Many have had to face that particular problem.

DON'T come out at work unless it seems entirely safe. Come out to your mother, first. She probably already knows and if you have a decent relationship, she will be your best friend.

If you come from a very religious family, J Witness, or Mormon, Scientology, etc. you are in a very sticky wicket. Move to another city. I'm serious. If you are being pursued by a fanatically religious family and friends... SECRETLY LEGALLY CHANGE YOUR NAME. Now you are a new person. Stay in touch with family by postcards with no return address. You don't really think a white boy like me was born with the last name SILVERCLOUD do you? Oh good, I have some excellent waterfront property I'd like to unload... I mean interest you in.

Good luck. Most large cities have a gay center and that will be a HUGE help for you. For more useful gay links, click on my homepage icon... the little world thingee below my ugly puss on the upper right.

:D Butch.
"You know it's going to be bad, but you just can't prepare yourself" ... Homer Simpson
Website: http://ButchBoard.com
Image
I'm ready... are you?
User avatar
butch
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 569
Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:15 pm
Location: Vancouver, Canada

Re: How to come out.

Postby Schlodesss » Tue Sep 22, 2009 11:54 am

The work part is so true [all of what you put is]. I really had no choice, I had a nosey store owner who decided to start asking fellow staff members at a X-mas party I didn't attend [i think WORKED...] if I was dating or had a girlfriend.. my one friend kinda looked at her and said "____ I don't think so.. but this is not really the place is it?" which was followed up by "so well then does he have a boyfriend??" [store owner.. <Tim Hortons>]. I guess things got pretty akward from there, then everyone went about the party, but 2+2 = 4 in my case and I had been there several years and no GF.. people talk.. so I admitted it if it came up.. People take it well to your face by if you pay attn you can see the ones who are weirded out, little glances you catch etc.

That store lost a human rights case over gay harrassment issues.

Never again, I learned such a hard lesson from that place, I will never even become close friends with anyone at work, should I chose to go find something and can't make money myself. Work will stay work and a means to pay my life, personal life will be totally separate.

Good advice Cloudy

It saddens and angers me people are still hanging onto this "thing" as a reason to hate, and spread hate. I didn;t know there was a shortage if it previously :roll:
--------------
Schlodesss
Moderator
 
Posts: 611
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:38 am
Location: Lidsville, ON, Canada

Re: How to come out.

Postby Schlodesss » Tue Sep 22, 2009 12:05 pm

Cloudy I just thought of something.

What about a guy like me, that doesn't like a large city or big city life? I am a small town guy and I just wouldn't survive in a large city,, I hate them for the most part. I never ever went through the phaze where I had to move to Toronto and hang out in the Church st area "cause you have to experience it".

I like my cars, my dirt biking, and living in a small town... Heck if I had my way i'd live out in the middle of nowhere and my nearest neighbor would be over a mile away... I like humans, just not close up lol... I just want to find a regular guy to do that with? And I have to say that so far, in smallish towns and smallish cities even, it's mostly married men will to play while wifey is not looking, but nothing more..

I couldn't afford to live in or around Toronto, and, I would have to give up all the hobbies that I enjoy/make me happy...
--------------
Schlodesss
Moderator
 
Posts: 611
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:38 am
Location: Lidsville, ON, Canada

Re: How to come out.

Postby butch » Wed Sep 23, 2009 12:07 am

Re: living in a small town.

I lived in Kelowna, BC for a while, but it is somewhat bigger than truly "small"... and it was spread out.

I'm a bit of a loner, but I was lucky enough to have become friends with several very straight guys and they seemed to really like me for me. When I "came out" to one of them, it put him into shock and he refused to believe it for a while then came to accept it. The point is, I had several established friends who were very jock-like and they knew I wasn't the devil incarnate when they found out I was gay... so I became their "gay friend" and they seemed to treat me just fine. But, again, it wasn't a REALLY small town.

I think, though, the lesson here is to attempt to befriend several of the toughest jocks in the town and if that goes over well, the "lesser" jocks will accept you because the tough guys do.

Still, it's a very, very tricky thing. Making friends with women can help... if you like the company of women. I'm not much into the company of women at all, but they can be very helpful as friends in a small community. If the women trust you, the men are under their control, for the most part, and will tow the line.

Local teenagers can be a real problem. I really like teens and being friends with the meanest toughest teens is also a way to avoid trouble, but you have to have a natural inclination towards them. They can spot a phony quite quickly and will be more than nervous around you. In that case, it's best to avoid them altogether.

Becoming friends with the older... and we're talking OLD, here can help, but if you live in a seriously church oriented community, that can be close to impossible. Staying away from anyone under 21 is seriously necessary because that is their fear... they think all gay folk are child molesters and "child" is anyone under 21 or even slightly older.

I think, in the end, the key is being friends and open with the meanest, toughest guys in town. If they accept you then things can work out. A small town is always a risk because there can always be the secret fag hater waiting for their moment to "get you".

I guess there is no simple answer, but being open and friendly with as many folk as possible is the best strategy because the more people there are who are acquainted with you the less "secrecy" there is about you... but stay away from teens and young folks unless you are very, very savvy about those kinds of situations. They are the most dangerous.

Not many of us are inclined to become involved with "civic" groups and stuff, but if you are, being seen as someone with a strong interest in the community will remove the "stranger" component about you. In other words, if you are seen as someone trying to improve the community and others become aware of you, then people have a way to get to "know" you. You can't be seen as "coming on" to the straight guys, ever. If they have any interest in "experimenting" they will find their own way to let you know. Most guys are worried you want into their pants and most have no interest, at all... ever. In the case of my straight friends, one of them was always a little nervous with me. He was very good looking and married. I just tried very hard not to seem at all interested in him... even though I was.

As for meeting other gay guys... these days I have noticed that sites like http://manhunt.net attract "country boys" so it may be a way to meet others. When I lived in Kelowna I met very few guys... and I was more attracted to very straight acting guys, so the local park was sometimes "lucky"... met guys traveling through, or on vacation. But I've checked out manhunt and noticed guys there from Kelowna and surrounding very small towns, like Summerland, Peachland and Vernon, so it's the "modern" way, methinks.



I don't know if any of that helps, at all... but it's all I've got.

:? :? :?
"You know it's going to be bad, but you just can't prepare yourself" ... Homer Simpson
Website: http://ButchBoard.com
Image
I'm ready... are you?
User avatar
butch
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 569
Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:15 pm
Location: Vancouver, Canada


Return to Coming Out

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest