Will you ever come out?

Was it tough or was it easy, or are you still locked in? Tell the world anonymously about your gayness should you choose.

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Will you ever come out?

Yes
26
24%
No. I'll stay closeted forever.
11
10%
I'm already out.
46
42%
I don't know.
27
25%
 
Total votes : 110

Postby RedRage00 » Wed Feb 22, 2006 7:27 pm

Lord, I just came out to a football buddy on the TX Football boards. We got into some PM's about going to the Victoria vs SA Reagan basketball playoff game Friday night. Anyway, the conversation turned towards MYSPACE and he gave me his ULR and asked for mine...I told him that I would give him the URL if he promised to not hold anything against me for what was on it and he was cool so I gave him the URL (It says im gay etc).

His reply back was "Wow, now I know why you don't want any info to come out...you are gay? or what do you call it" :P

Anyway, he seems cool with it and is asking all sorts of questions (this dude is 18, but seems very mature). He never thought a gay guy could love Football! Little does he know! LMAO!

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Postby Texas_Thang » Wed Feb 22, 2006 11:56 pm

"...or what do you call it?"

LOL. Gay. Queer. Homosexual. among other things...
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Postby Guest » Sat Mar 04, 2006 4:14 pm

Coming out...of what?

I have a strong dislike of the concept. It refers to a universal point of reference, which would be: heterosexuality. It creates more categories and more closets. Once you deliberately come out, you have to do so on a regular basis: new job, new friends, new neighbors etc. It involves the notion that there is discomfort with the sexual practice. Have you ever heard of a heterosexual person's coming out?

I never needed to come out. I'm always myself and through my discourse people have figured out that I'm a sexual person. I'm open to many things and not just in the sex sphere of my life.

I can't wait until the day where people see human beings before they see their colour, ethnicity or sexual practice as one the most important factor of identity.
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Postby RedKen99 » Sat Mar 04, 2006 9:36 pm

I'm already out, and I don't give a f---k, who knows either. ImageImage
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Postby Creature » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:32 pm

Blackman.....................The best cure for homophobes is when they know someone close to them is not straight. My family hated gays until I came out. You are an individual and the people around you are all individuals. Why question what they would think or assume you would be ostracized or bashed? That is taking on too much. You would be surprsied how resliant and open minded people can be once an issue hits home. BTW, I live in Miami right around Little Haiti.

Guest..........................Coming out doesn't have to entail announcing your gay or whatever whenever new situations arise in your life.

Bottom line is this: When you have a secret a wierd thing happens. You assume the whole world knows, cares, or will have some sort of preconceived reaction if they were to find out.
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Postby MattMurdock » Mon Mar 26, 2007 7:53 am

hmm..i dont think i will come out as long as i live where i live
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Postby noeasilver » Sat May 12, 2007 12:51 am

i'm not comming out until the world that i live in becomes a safer place.
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Postby james » Tue Jul 24, 2007 1:45 pm

I've been in the coming out process for several years now. My close friends, family, and church all know.

I don't like coming out to other gay people. I've known a lot of gay guys who I'm sure suspect, but I really don't want to tell them. Straight people I know have been OK and generally don't care--gay people always act like they want to sign you up for something. I don't like this "Welcome to the family, girlfriend" sort of thing I get from gay people--they're not my family, and we're not any closer just because we now know we have something in common. I frequently experience other gays as invasive.

I wish there was more discussion about this--everyone assumes that coming out to another gay person will always be a positive experience, but it can really be annoying. I'd rather let them think I have internalized homophobia and am quietly suffering in my closet than give them room to invade my life.
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Postby Xaphan » Sat Aug 04, 2007 12:21 am

Done the closet, didn’t like the cramped space. I don’t mind coming out to people. If they don’t like it, then better for me to know than form some false friendship that’ll crumble because of their ignorance/hatred. That goes for straight or gay. If I don’t care for how they hang, I pass. Guess that’s just part of being your own person and not conforming to what other people feel you should be; or needing other peoples’ approval to accept yourself. I don’t introduce myself as “Drexel, I’m gay” but I don’t hide facts (although, I did call James my roommate at first to new coworkers, haha. Not a lie, but not the whole truth).
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Postby Daknee » Sat Aug 04, 2007 6:17 pm

Anonymous wrote:Coming out...of what?

I have a strong dislike of the concept. It refers to a universal point of reference, which would be: heterosexuality. It creates more categories and more closets. Once you deliberately come out, you have to do so on a regular basis: new job, new friends, new neighbors etc. It involves the notion that there is discomfort with the sexual practice. Have you ever heard of a heterosexual person's coming out?

I never needed to come out. I'm always myself and through my discourse people have figured out that I'm a sexual person. I'm open to many things and not just in the sex sphere of my life.

I can't wait until the day where people see human beings before they see their colour, ethnicity or sexual practice as one the most important factor of identity.


This is the best way I have heard it put before. I am just me first. Whatever that entails. I never come right on out and say I'm x race, x religion or belief, x politicly, x view point on or what ever it may be about me. Yes these things are some of the essence of me but "coming" out, I have never come out of anything. I'm just me. Through out the course of getting to know me, if a person really cares to, they can find out all about me.
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Postby Joey » Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:27 am

I'm still pretty closeted and have been acting straight all my life. I told my friend a few years back and he was the only one who knew until last year when I came out to my retreat group (like 40 guys from my all-male high school. Some of the people who I come out to now ask how I consider myself closeted after telling all those people; for me, to be out my parents and family have to know, which they don't, and I have to not pretend to like girls in front of strangers.).

I recently started telling more people and for the first time went to a gay club. I don't really care if a lot of people know; I just don't want to tell my family until I am completely moved out of the house. Right now, I'm living in a university dorm, but I will probably live with them this summer, so I'm going to wait until I get a house or apartment.
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Postby furface » Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:49 am

Joey - take it from the ole dawg: coming out is generally at your schedule. And there are some folks who just don't need to know. So move forward at a pace that's comfortable for you.
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Postby Dago » Tue Jan 08, 2008 6:22 pm

Let me second what Unca Lou said, you come out at your own pace and you tell who you want to tell. Not everyone needs to know everything about your personal life.

I didnt come out until I was 38 and found it very liberating.

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Postby glas_scot » Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:32 am

I have actually been thinking about this a lot recently.

At present I'm not out to anyone. I'm sure a few people have suspected as I've never had a girlfriend but I use an excuse that normally throws people off. Which can be quite hard as I have been hit on by "friend of a friends" quite a few times now and for example, when my friend will ask "so what do you think, she really likes you" I always use the same reason. But it works like a charm, no further questions asked plus it doesn't suggest anything about my sexuality.

I don't see myself coming out to my family until I leave university and living on my own. Although they do keep asking questions about "when am I going to bring a girl home for dinner" and "what girl have I got my eye on just now." So I don't know if this is there way of saying they suspect something or they are just generally interested in what girls I want to date. I know my sister would be ok with it, but my Dad is a little homophobic. Although he has been asking the most questions.

I don't have a clue how my close friends will react. I think it will be quite mixed. Some seem to be a little homophobic and I think if I came out to them it would turn into an arguement. I'm sure they would cool off eventually and realise I'm still me, nothings actually changed. But as I'm sure you all understand, it's a scary prospect.
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Postby CollegePepper » Sat Apr 25, 2009 12:20 am

Funny you bumped this thread up glas_cot, as I have been contemplating the issue myself.

At the moment I don't really think I will be coming out to anyone. But at the same time I'm comfortable with who and what I am so im not suffering from a complex.

My current situations are such that it would be quite a detriment to come out either at home or at work. But perhaps sometime down the line I can just tell folks and get on with it.
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Postby glas_scot » Mon May 04, 2009 9:45 am

After indulging in one to many beers last night, I ended up telling one of my friends.

I went to the pub last night with a group of friends then we all went back to (for privacy reasons lets call her) Beth's place. The two of us went to get drinks in the kitchen and ended up chatting.

Turns out she has been having some relationship issues (her bf is one of my best mates) and her bf has been acting a little jealous lately, he would even get upset if he knew we were alone together talking.

We talked a little about this, which led to me telling her I'm gay.

She is totally fine with it. I actually can't remember too much of what she said after it as I think I went into a small state of shock! :lol:
But yeah, even though she said she doesn't care about peoples sexuality she was a little surprised. Mainly because theres not much about me thats "gay".

Feels great to have finally told someone!
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Postby furface » Mon May 04, 2009 10:04 am

Good on ya, glas!!! Keep on workin' on being the best Scot ya can be. Though I might suggest ya be a bit more careful with indulgin' in the local brew. :wink: 8)
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Postby ispeaktexan » Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:25 pm

I plan to. I attempted to this last year, but didn't say I was gay, I kind of let them find some evidence to kind of out me....
Yeah that didn't go so well...I was told by my mother that if I was gay I had a mental disorder and that I had to go to counseling, and I had to stop talking to all of my gay/bisexual friends. I was also told it was satan's temptation and I had to resist. Once I heard 'counseling' and how I had a 'disorder' that was later referred to as a 'disease' I just denied the whole ordeal explained it as a mix up, and decided I would wait till I was completely independent to come out. I'm 18 still living in the house. I have time. Hopefully it goes better than that did...that wasn't good at all.
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Postby Daknee » Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:02 pm

ispeaktexan wrote:I plan to. I attempted to this last year, but didn't say I was gay, I kind of let them find some evidence to kind of out me....
Yeah that didn't go so well...I was told by my mother that if I was gay I had a mental disorder and that I had to go to counseling, and I had to stop talking to all of my gay/bisexual friends. I was also told it was satan's temptation and I had to resist. Once I heard 'counseling' and how I had a 'disorder' that was later referred to as a 'disease' I just denied the whole ordeal explained it as a mix up, and decided I would wait till I was completely independent to come out. I'm 18 still living in the house. I have time. Hopefully it goes better than that did...that wasn't good at all.


Just so you know and for your comfort level The American Psychological Association no longer considers homosexuality an illness or mental disorder. It hasn't for many years now. Thank God! Now if you're talking religious zelot counseling that could be a whole other thing but in the world of conventional counseling don't worry you won't be locked up in a looney bin. Ask yourself too why you're coming out. Is it for yourself or for those in you life, family and such. If it's for others you are very right, you have time.
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Postby ispeaktexan » Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:17 pm

Daknee wrote:
Just so you know and for your comfort level The American Psychological Association no longer considers homosexuality an illness or mental disorder. It hasn't for many years now. Thank God! Now if you're talking religious zelot counseling that could be a whole other thing but in the world of conventional counseling don't worry you won't be locked up in a looney bin. Ask yourself too why you're coming out. Is it for yourself or for those in you life, family and such. If it's for others you are very right, you have time.


Well i come from an extremely religious family. & i have to say it doesnt help. I don't know who i am doing it for...i feel bad keeping things from them i feel like a stranger in my own house. I hate it. I have had girlfriends but they havent met any of them. Another thing is, im doing it for myself because i am attracted to girls just not as much as men, i feel i cant really be happy unless im with a guy, it just feels so much better & natural to me. Not to mention living with a man seems so much better. & i hate that i havent dated any guys recently because of the fact that im fearful of getting caught. Well also because all of the guys that tend to like me have not been my type either. But if i felt comfortable id give chances.
Really it sucks. & ive taken psychology and i know its not a disorder but sometimes i feel it would be so much easier if i was straight. But nonetheless i like who i am, and im proud of being me. So it doesnt matter whether i like men or women. Doesnt change me. But i guess they can't see that. Sometimes i wish i had power in the world, but im always grateful for what i have. & some day i will have to tell them. Just dont know when that day will come.

*sorry if it looks messed up im posting from my phone.
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Re: Will you ever come out?

Postby nimby » Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:04 pm

Good for you!!! For 18, you seem like you really have you head on straight. I wish I did when I was your age. Just be true to you self, but all in good time. Because you still live at home with no means of supporting yourself right now, it sounds like you have to play by their rules, unfortunately. But keep your head up. Soon enough you will be able to be who you are, in whatever form that takes, and you will live you life on YOUR terms. Your youth is a gift. Believe me. But you won't realize that till you're older, when it's too late.

Sincere best of luck to you.
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Re: Will you ever come out?

Postby ispeaktexan » Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:30 pm

Thank you. & yes I always do alot of thinking i cant help it. Ive gone through too many stages of being other people and im glad i got out of them quickly. Recently lifes been stable, despite having no means of support if i were to get kicked out, i think id be able to turn it around. Im not cocky at all and i know it would be devastating but they dont give me the credit i deserve, the other day they said the neighbors son was mature for his age and i was normal for my age (were the same age) and that disappointed me because even though they are my parents they dont know me enough to make tnat sort of decision. They have so many misconceptions of me. I love my parents i do just sometimes they upset me. I just hope when i come out they dont feel like failures. Because they should realize that im doing well in aspects of responsibilities and education despite not trying very hard, not to mention im a well manered individual. I always wish i were older. Because i dont feel anyone around my age really relates well with me. It doesnt make sense. Its actually funny and kind of ironic.
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Re: Will you ever come out?

Postby J » Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:43 pm

ispeaktexan wrote:I plan to. I attempted to this last year, but didn't say I was gay, I kind of let them find some evidence to kind of out me....
Yeah that didn't go so well...I was told by my mother that if I was gay I had a mental disorder and that I had to go to counseling, and I had to stop talking to all of my gay/bisexual friends. I was also told it was satan's temptation and I had to resist. Once I heard 'counseling' and how I had a 'disorder' that was later referred to as a 'disease' I just denied the whole ordeal explained it as a mix up, and decided I would wait till I was completely independent to come out. I'm 18 still living in the house. I have time. Hopefully it goes better than that did...that wasn't good at all.


If she still acts that way toward you when you're out of the house, just cut her off completely. No more Christmas, Thanksgiving, phone calls, emails, whatever. Everyone I know who has done that broke their mother's heart (good, she deserved it), and after months/years of zero communication and ignoring/rejecting any attempt she makes at "smoothing things over" and "just wanting to have him/her back in the family", maybe reconciled, but only after she realized how much of a bitch she was and how much worse her life got after being cut off for so many years. I know one girl who's a lesbian and her mother was the same way. She ended up moving out, and not having any contact with her mother/family for over a decade, despite her mother's pleas to "just hear her voice". Seriously, if your mom's like that, the only effective thing to do is break her heart by never contacting her again. Or at least for a few years, and avoid all family activities, holidays, etc. She'll realize she just wants you in her life, regardless of sexual orientation.
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Re: Will you ever come out?

Postby ispeaktexan » Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:54 pm

I have pictured my coming out so many times..in day dreams, dreams, and just whenever i think...and it always seems like such a liberating day. I always end up saying along the lines of.

"I know you dont approve of it, but this is me and its a part of who i am. It wasnt your fault. But im not going to change myself to satisfy you. I cant please everyone. Im not gonna be given a trip either so if you plan to make a big deal of it now, tell me so i can quickly put this out of mind, and myself out of sight, but just accept it no questions asked and i will still be your son. Nothing has changed about me. Im still the same person i have been for XX years. And dont be judgemental either because from what ive learned in all the christian classes youve put me through is only god can judge and to love everyone...(something like that). With all that said, accept it, or forget me. Its your choice..."

By then hopefully my manipulation skills have increased and i can give them a guilt trip haha! or i might not need it anyways.

*sorry on my phone...
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Re: Will you ever come out?

Postby nimby » Fri Jul 10, 2009 3:36 pm

I'm almost complete in comming out to those that matter. I've realized that not everyone needs to know.

Yesterday I came out to my family doctor, and she was super cool !!! She's young and keeps on top of stuff. I told her about the difficulties the wife is having and she pulled up a bunch of great resources and councellors for us who specialize in gender identity issues and marriage councelling, just in case we need them and all paid for by the province. She gave me such great words of comfort. She said, "I'm not going to send you to someone who will try and fix you, cause you are who you are and it has to be accepted."

Very cool young lady.
Last edited by nimby on Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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