Will you ever come out?

Was it tough or was it easy, or are you still locked in? Tell the world anonymously about your gayness should you choose.

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Will you ever come out?

Yes
26
24%
No. I'll stay closeted forever.
11
10%
I'm already out.
46
42%
I don't know.
27
25%
 
Total votes : 110

Will you ever come out?

Postby LongHornA4Boy » Mon May 09, 2005 10:32 pm

I don't know the answer to this question. It's amazing to me how far I've come since I came out here on the forums. Back then it was even hard for me to type the words, "I'm gay", even though I have known that's who I am for the longest time.

But still the thought of everyone knowing is just too scary to comprehend. I wonder if I'll ever change.

So, if you're out, how long did it take you to get to that point? And if you're not out, will you stay closeted forever?
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Postby g.cunningham » Mon May 09, 2005 11:14 pm

I came out at 24 and do remember how hard it was. I knew I was different at around 14 .I got married to my best friend at 19 to get out of the house. Got divorced 5 years later (had nothing to do with me being gay). But I had some soul searching to do and told myself to quit lying to myself and trying to please everyone else and to live up to their expectations of me. I found that when I said “F*ck'em It' my life I'll do what I want and if I fall on my face it's my face”, people whose approval I had sought (namely my dad) finally said "Well it's about time you stood up for yourself!"

Coming out is an ongoing process I’ve been out for over 27 years and it seems a lifetime ago that I was in the closet too afraid to do anything about it. Now I don’t give a sh*t what anybody thinks about me being gay. It is an essential part of who I am like being, male, left handed, blued eyed or grey haired. If people don’t like it I can’t help them.

I am gently in your face. If people ask me if I’m married I just say “I wish I could… but my partner and I have been together for 25 years.” That usually either stops the conversation or they are OK with it. My newest coming out is to the neighbors who moved in across the street this week. A semi retired couple from NM. They asked me and I told them. Didn’t ask any more question about it but did ask if he could borrow my water hose. So I figured it did not upset them too much.

My other neighbor is a Baptist Preacher and he still talks to me and waves when he drives by. So he’s not too bothered. My other neighbors are just as non-plused. My clients know. Michael’s boss and fellow employees know. The people at the bank know. The lady at the florist knows, our priest knows, our parents know, my nieces and nephews know, even my grandparents knew. All the people at my parents church and bridge club know….. What I am trying to say is if you are comfortable in your own skin and don’t feel ashamed of who you are most people won’t care. Of course there are always idiots who don’t like gays, or fat people or blacks, or foreigners, or anyone who does not think and act exactly like they do but you just ignore them, feel sorry for them, and move on.

I know it’s hard but it has been worth it not living a lie. I’m happier and people seem to like me so I guess it’s all turned out ok.
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Postby cass34 » Tue May 10, 2005 7:21 am

I've been coming out to friends over the past few weeks. Everyone has taken it well except one who sent me an email with links to "Exodus International". I told him not to waste his time and try to accept my decision.

As for the family, I'm preparing. I actually dreamt last night that I came out to my mom and one sister and my mom said she knew since I was 4 years old. Wow!!! If only it goes that well in real life
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Postby devilnuts » Tue May 10, 2005 2:20 pm

cass34 wrote:I've been coming out to friends over the past few weeks. Everyone has taken it well except one who sent me an email with links to "Exodus International". I told him not to waste his time and try to accept my decision.

As for the family, I'm preparing. I actually dreamt last night that I came out to my mom and one sister and my mom said she knew since I was 4 years old. Wow!!! If only it goes that well in real life


LOL...she probably has known...most moms seem to know. I think there was a thread on here somewhere about that, but I don't have time to find the link.

Congrats on telling your friends, good luck on telling your family. If someone can't accept you for who you are (since really...what is the change from 5 minutes ago before you told them?) the drop 'em. There's billions of other people you could have in your life. Don't bother with the deadweight...
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Postby Texas_Thang » Wed May 11, 2005 12:39 am

Exactly. Well said - joke 'em if they can't take a f***.

It doesn't change who you are at your core. You're still a ..... fill in the blank...., just now you have a different romantic interest.
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Postby LongHornA4Boy » Thu May 12, 2005 6:17 pm

Hmmmm interesting results so far. 32 percent said they either won't come out or unsure if they will. But it's still a large majority of you that are out at 55 percent. I think that's really admirable guys.....
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Postby BlackmanXXX » Fri May 13, 2005 9:08 am

I don't know.



Coming Out usually means accepting that you are Gay and telling everyone about it. What about those of us who also like the ladies ? Coming out and telling everyone I'm queer is kinda misleading considering I still find women attractive and want to sleep with more of them as time goes by. Do I have to tell my family ? They're Haitian. In Haiti, there is a word that describes gays, lesbians and bisexuals. ABOMINATION. Haitian people kill Queers. It's not considered a hate crime there. At all.
This has led to many gay men and lesbian womens living in Haiti being forced into heterosexual marriages. As for bisexuals, you get the idea.



If I come out as bisexual, I can rest assured that I will be disowned and hated by the whole family until the day that I die...
and beyond. That's why I take great precaution not to leave behind any evidence of my sexual orientation. I have a library of hetero porn. I don't go to gay bars. I don't "openly" hang out with gays unless I am far away from home.


It's funny how my lady Melanie accepts me just as I am while
my own family would try to hurt me if they knew. It shows you how strange people are these days. I look forward to living on my own and having a job and some money. My life would be much better.
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Postby coloradoElectrician » Thu May 19, 2005 9:09 am

Hey LongHorn,

Think of coming out as giving yourself a beautiful gift.
That's what it is.

It's giving yourself the gift of life.

It's giving yourself the beautiful gift of sexuality.
(sexuality in secret is worse than no sexuality at all)

It's giving yourself the gift of sexuality that God
has already given you, but you left it unopened
under the tree.

Live your life.

BE the gay man that God made you. (he knew what he was doing)

Love your gayness, it's yours.
It's what makes you who you are.

You are a man who has romantic feelings for other men.
It's just the way it is.
You've found out by now that you can not change it.
And you're starting to find out that you wouldn't even if you could.
Love yourself as a gay man and, the rest of the world will
love you too.

Be the way God intended.
Live.
Stop wasting time.

Come out and then, go on with your life.
You have much to do.
Get your closet out of the way, it's holding you back.

Be the gay man that you are.

I've been coming out over the last year.
The ONLY regret is that I allowed my closet to keep me
for 52 years. I can never get those years back, they are gone.

It's your closet.
You built it, you can tear it down.

Love,
Eric
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Postby mikeoas » Thu May 19, 2005 9:25 am

It's worth it, let me tell you ... apart from coming out to myself (the most important person to come out to), I only came out to various members of my immediate family 15 months ago or so, although I have been coming out to various people for a year or so before then, and it's probably the most liberating thing I've ever done. (Naturally, I do find it a bit unfair that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendering people have this obligation to come out to society while most straight people don't, but what can you do? That said, I know one straight guy who apparently did come out as straight among a lot of gay boys in his school! :) )

Anyway, it's a little bit of an issue with me at the moment - my b/f Carl is not yet out to his parents, nor is he likely to deliberately come out to them. However, speaking from experience, I do believe his mother suspects he's gay - well, he is 35 and he's not yet brought a g/f home to meet his parents, so naturally I would imagine questions will be asked. My mum certainly thought I was gay before I came out to her - she'd even suspected before I came out to myself properly - and Carl's lodger's mum also knew he was gay (ditto his younger brother).

"Mums always know!" :D
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Postby yes_I_am_so_what » Thu May 19, 2005 12:39 pm

Didn't really come out of the closet, I burned the f***ing closet down.

The whole "coming out" thing kinda bothers me... sort of like there's something wrong that you should admit to. No. I am who I am, if someone has an issue with one aspect of who I am well then tough sh*t.



When can we start locking up narrow-minded bigots in closets?
There are so many emotions available. Why strive only for happiness?
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Postby Texas_Thang » Thu May 19, 2005 2:01 pm

We can't, sadly. I think they actually should be in locked foot lockers, myself.
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Postby dabonsteed » Fri May 20, 2005 12:25 am

coloradoElectrician wrote:It's your closet.
You built it, you can tear it down.

Love,
Eric


Amen.
"this is your life, are you who you want to be?"
Switchfoot
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Postby PhillieSoulKid » Sat May 21, 2005 2:10 pm

I started the coming out process about ten months ago. While there are days when I really feel overwhelmed and depressed, I do feel more in touch with myself. I have my moments when I cringe when someone says something about me being "gay" but then I just move away from the negativity associated with it and remind myself I'm fine no matter what anyone might think.

I'm out to my friends, coworkers, and business associates, but not to my family. That will be the most difficult part for me. I'm not sure when it'll happen, probably after I bring home my boyfriend (whenever I get one that is...) home for Christmas Dinner! But from my other post I wrote, I'm trying to take things day by day based on the good advise given. My self-acceptance is the only important thing in the coming out process because I'm coming out to myself and moving on with life. I wasted my teens, 20s, and so far a lot of my 30s on self-hatred. Time to grow the hell up, so to speak :wink:

hey Cass34:
I've been coming out to friends over the past few weeks. Everyone has taken it well except one who sent me an email with links to "Exodus International". I told him not to waste his time and try to accept my decision.

As for the family, I'm preparing. I actually dreamt last night that I came out to my mom and one sister and my mom said she knew since I was 4 years old. Wow!!! If only it goes that well in real life



I have one of those damn Exodus International tapes another gay guy from college gave me. I don't know why I hold on to it. Maybe on my guilty days I feel if I do all the things it says, I'll be set "free!" I have my whacked out moments. What was your experience like with your friend who gave you the link to their website?

I think my mother knows I'm gay, but because my father was gay too, I think she's in deep denial. From what I've been told by all my current gay friends, all their mother's knew about their sexuality beforehand. So mabe neither us will have to have that conversation with our mothers, lol.
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Postby cass34 » Sat May 21, 2005 5:22 pm

Hey Phillie

After my friend sent me the link, I sent him a reply with a list of pro-gay christian articles and websites including arguments against "Christianities anti -gay arguments". Havent' heard a peep from him or his wife unfortunately.

Last week, I email many people about the National Day Against Homophobia and one of my old friends from California sent me back a scathing reply.

His Reply 
"Do you support homosexuality as a Christian? I'm a little confused. I'm not homophobic, but I don't want to encourage society to accept homosexuality as acceptable behavior. I think this petition is a little worldy to call it a day against homophobia when it also seems to deceptively sneek in support for homosexuality. If thinking homosexuality is wrong is called homophobic, then I would rather support God and be homophobic in the eyes of the world.
 
As a follow of Christ, I don't think this petition is the right way to proceed in handling homosexuality in our world."

Well, I replied that yes I do support homosexuality because I'm a gay Christian and it went downhill from there. He sent 4 emails berating me for turning against God, links to anti-gay websites etc. I told him that he needed to learn to respect my decision and that my relationship w/my God was off limits to his judgements. Then told him not to contact me again until he can do this. Havent' heard back

BUT.... 2 friends thanked me for the link and one even admitted that he'd just come out also. Wish I would have known back then that he was going thru the same struggle, but that's the way it goes.

Needless to say, its gonna be a rough few weeks. Telling the family via letter next weekend. Should be interesting. :shock:

I think you're going about things the right way. Firstly, you have to become comfortable w/being you, a gay man. This is difficult. I'm going thru that phase now also. A great book is "10 Smart Things a Gay Man Can do to Improve their Lives" by Joe Kort. I highly recommend you pick it up at Barnes and Nobles.

PS: I told my family I wouldn't be home for Christmas because I was going on an Italian Cruise w/friends. Plan was actually to be w/my boyfriend because I knew he wouldn't be welcome at Christmas after I come out. Heck, I may not be welcome; but it was so hard to spend Christmas away from him. Hopefully next year I'll again have a BF to spend it with.
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I'd Love too

Postby Darth_Phallus » Fri Dec 23, 2005 5:26 pm

I wish I could come out but I'm not brave enough or have the courage to deal with the backlash it will cause. Maybe if I can get it together before the summer I can birng a guy to my cousins wedding and get it all done it one giant swoop LOL.
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Postby M4n1c » Sat Jan 14, 2006 11:24 pm

Besides telling my grandparents (I don't see the point, they wouldn't understand), I've always been out...it's just that most people didn't believe me. :?

"But...you don't act gay."


Edit: And, yeah, I guess it was somewhat hard. Many of my (straight) guy friends started coming around less and less, until they disappeared and my mother, a self-described "ultra left-wing, open-minded, former hippy" thought that my being gay was embarrassing, unpleasant, and something I shouldn't ever talk about or bring up in public or around her. Image
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Postby RedRage00 » Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:08 pm

I came out when I was 18. Best thing I ever did because I am loving and enjoying life without any worries about my sexuality. I don't care what people think of me anymore. I did when I first came out, but it gets easier. I don't go around telling everyone, but I don't lie if they ask me.

Joe
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Postby Winterbourne » Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:34 pm

I'm going to come out once I leave home: I want a bit of distance as I don't wan't to have to live in a bad situation if there is one.
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Postby BlackmanXXX » Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:13 pm

You know, sometimes I feel like coming out. I can't do it right now. I need money. I need my legal papers. I need my indepence. I can't come out and yet continue to live with a bunch of hateful homophobes. No can do, fellas. I want to be out and proud someday but hopefully independent. Right now, I'm enduring hell on earth. Let's just say that the people I care about are far away and the people who hate me are much too close for comfort.
Sounds like fun ?
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Postby Winterbourne » Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:03 pm

BlackmanXXX wrote:You know, sometimes I feel like coming out. I can't do it right now. I need money. I need my legal papers. I need my indepence. I can't come out and yet continue to live with a bunch of hateful homophobes. No can do, fellas. I want to be out and proud someday but hopefully independent. Right now, I'm enduring hell on earth. Let's just say that the people I care about are far away and the people who hate me are much too close for comfort.
Sounds like fun ?


How is your relationship with your family otherwise? Is there anyone in your family who loves you more than they hate gays?
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Postby BlackmanXXX » Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:19 pm

I don't trust any of my family members. Why ? Something wicked runs in the family. Especially among the women but also among the men. It's called sociopathy. A non-correctable disfigurement of character resulting in an inability to empathize with others and a general remorselessness.
http://people.lulu.com/users/index.php?fHomepage=496298

I need to engage in bisexual behavior on a massive scale. It cannot be corrected but I have no other way to fulfill my needs.
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Postby JakeMIke » Tue Jan 31, 2006 3:17 pm

I'm out on a need to know basis, but someday I plan to be totally and completely out. Since I don't have a lover, I'm not sure what the use would be. To me, coming out completely would be telling the world about my partner, and I've never had one.
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Re: I'd Love too

Postby RedRage00 » Tue Jan 31, 2006 4:52 pm

Darth_Phallus wrote:I wish I could come out but I'm not brave enough or have the courage to deal with the backlash it will cause. Maybe if I can get it together before the summer I can birng a guy to my cousins wedding and get it all done it one giant swoop LOL.


I'll be your date ;)

Joe
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Postby TomMichigan » Thu Feb 02, 2006 11:17 am

RedRage00 wrote:I came out when I was 18. Best thing I ever did because I am loving and enjoying life without any worries about my sexuality. I don't care what people think of me anymore. I did when I first came out, but it gets easier. I don't go around telling everyone, but I don't lie if they ask me.

Joe


Joe, remember all those times in the past when I'd say over and over again, "you're gonna be ok kiddo" :?:

I was right, and I knew it then. Your turning into a very good young man, and I'm proud of you.
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Postby RedRage00 » Mon Feb 06, 2006 10:59 am

TomMichigan wrote:
RedRage00 wrote:I came out when I was 18. Best thing I ever did because I am loving and enjoying life without any worries about my sexuality. I don't care what people think of me anymore. I did when I first came out, but it gets easier. I don't go around telling everyone, but I don't lie if they ask me.

Joe


Joe, remember all those times in the past when I'd say over and over again, "you're gonna be ok kiddo" :?:

I was right, and I knew it then. Your turning into a very good young man, and I'm proud of you.


Yeah Tom, I remember that like it was yesterday :D

I didn't think I'd be OK then, but now I know I will be 8)

Thanks!
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