Coming Out Stories

Was it tough or was it easy, or are you still locked in? Tell the world anonymously about your gayness should you choose.

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Postby michaelk69 » Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:23 am

Hi Mrs Nimby, and welcome . . .

I am not married (and never was) but just wanted to say that you are 100 percent right when you say that it is not your "fault" . . . in fact, it is quite the opposite . . . Michael must really love you to try and try and try to stay with you and love you and build a family with you for so many years.

Leaving would have been a much easier option!!

And so, yes, he clearly loves you, and so I don't see why you can't come to some sort of "arrangement" that works for both sides.

My neighbor back in the UK came out to his wife, and they were married for 14 or 15 years, I think, and had two very sweet little boys. Anyway, the wife was devastated, of course, dealing with the shock, etc, at the beginning .. . but I happen to know that they all spent Christmas together this past year . . . the husband, his new (male) partner), the wife, and her new (male) partner . . . with the kids and some other friends, etc . .. and a good time was had by all . . . the husband and wife have remained really good, very special friends, and they are still raising their children together, in a happy loving environment where (at last) everyone feels fulfilled and happy.

So, there is light at the end of the tunnel! It may not be the family you dreamt of as a little girl . . and it may not be the squeaky-clean Doris Day family of a 1950's movie . . . but it is 100% valid and it really can work, honest :-)
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Postby nimby » Sun Jun 07, 2009 8:42 pm

Hey,

I'm still alive. And we still do a lot of talking. But It is a struggle for her. She is despirately trying to understand me. But I don't think I can make it any clearer. Sometimes she says she's ok, and then the next day she's in tears. It is emotionally exhausting for both of us.

For anyone who is thinking of comming out, make sure you are ready to deal with the repercussions, cause once you do, there is no going back.

I'm wondering now if I didn't make a HUGE mistake.
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Postby olywaguy » Mon Jun 08, 2009 9:15 am

michaelk69 wrote:Hi Mrs Nimby, and welcome . . .

I am not married (and never was)


Again, may I remind you that you are married. Now, you may have never been married to a woman, but yes you are married.

It must be hard to get used to that tag after so many years of not having it...but you two finally got it done and you are married now. :D
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Postby nimby » Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:28 am

Yea, Michael. I thought you were married too.
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Postby michaelk69 » Mon Jun 08, 2009 1:42 pm

heh hehe, OK, OK, I am married, yes! But I meant in the traditional man-woman sense, sorry, lol, I guess i am still kind of backward in my thinking on that subject . .. despite being married, lol ...
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby butch » Mon Aug 03, 2009 8:37 am

One has to "come out" to a variety of people. My actual "coming out" happened while I was in Submarine School in England while I was in the Navy. That's too long a story.

Came out to my mom a couple of years later. My sister outed me... I'd come out to her when my boyfriend and I returned from wandering around England and I decided that we (boyfriend and I... if I'm not the boss, things aren't likely to ever work with ANYONE. And that's why they call me Butch)... my boyfriend and I would move to Vancouver. So we headed out on my 650 BSA which blew a clutch in Montreal and we hitch-hiked the rest of the way.

So... my mom and kid sister were coming to Vancouver to our hippy house for a visit. My sister, with whom I'm very close phoned my mom and told her there were a couple of things she needed to know.

1. Terry now goes by the name "David".

2. He has a boyfriend named Doug whom you are about to meet.

As it turns out, mom said she had suspected YEARS ago and it was a great visit.

:D :D :D
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby ispeaktexan » Mon Aug 03, 2009 4:41 pm

Isn't that just great? Nice to hear it went well.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby jkav » Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:58 pm

I ran into a friend over the weekend (whom I was not yet out to) while I was on a date. I was afraid it would be awkward, but it really wasn't; I was a lot cooler with it than I used to be. I guess it's just becoming less and less of a big deal now.

I have since talked to this friend. I don't think he's a homophobe, he's just a little misinformed. You know the type: the kind of straight guy that thinks every gay guy wants him. He told me something along the lines of, "How can you be gay? You're so normal. And you've never tried to hit on me." Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby DeckApe » Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:13 am

I'd take it as such. And you can always tell him that he isn't your type. Even if he is. As Lou pointed out once, not much point in dancin' where ya ain't invited...
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby foxeyes2 » Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:23 am

You could ask him if he wants you to hit on him. LOL! Some of these straight guys that want to make sure you know they are straight then through their words suggest that that they are insulted that you don't hit on them.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby butch » Mon Sep 07, 2009 1:41 pm

jkav wrote:I ran into a friend over the weekend (whom I was not yet out to) while I was on a date. I was afraid it would be awkward, but it really wasn't; I was a lot cooler with it than I used to be. I guess it's just becoming less and less of a big deal now.

I have since talked to this friend. I don't think he's a homophobe, he's just a little misinformed. You know the type: the kind of straight guy that thinks every gay guy wants him. He told me something along the lines of, "How can you be gay? You're so normal. And you've never tried to hit on me." Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?


A lot of guys will never quite understand. You could counter that with a question... "do you hit on every girl you see?... no offense, but you're just not my type."

:shock: :shock: :shock:
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby jkav » Wed Sep 09, 2009 10:17 pm

Kind of awkward outing story at work today:

I work with a girl who moved in with her boyfriend not too long ago, and they're still getting used to each other. She was telling us all this story about some renovations they're doing, and, long story short, she mentioned that her boyfriend doesn't call things "gay," he prefers "a gay," because he thinks its funnier (eg. "You're acting kinda gay," vs. "You're acting like such a gay").

So everyone was laughing at that, and she just started asking people if they were "a gay." And when she got to me, I said, "yeah."

--Silence--

I don't think they believe me, though. We'll see what happens, if anything, tomorrow.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby nimby » Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:20 am

Ha! Slick. Let us know what happens.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby DeckApe » Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:51 am

Been there, done that. It's kinda fun. :)

I was working on the SS Jeremiah O'Brien (holla to my peeps in SFO!) back in 1993 with three other cadets from my academy, all good friends, and we were bunked up together in a four-man room. Stayed the weekend, that sort of thing. The conversation, raucous and rowdy, came to a point where I was doing a swish bit. My roommate at the time, amid the laughter, jokingly said, "Ah ha! You do that too well! Admit it, you're gay, aren't you?"

I replied, "actually, yes, I am. Bang, you got me. So?"

:shock: !

After a moment, he said, "the irony is, now that you've copped to it, I'm not sure I believe you." And that was that.

He and his wife (whom I also knew from those days, but she "knew" long before I 'fessed up) were up to visit and meet my partner this summer. :D
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby nimby » Thu Oct 15, 2009 9:53 pm

Well I went out to lunch with a very old and dear friend today. I havn't seen her in years and was so pleased to see her again. We've been friends for 27 years. After I told her how good she looks, she switched on to me. The weight loss, the hair and the clothes. She goes, "what are you turning gay on me?" I said, "yup," just like that. She look at me and laughed. Then she went, "really?" and I just smiled at her. "REALLY?" and I said, "yup" and just started shaking like a leaf. She flipped!!! She was so excited for me. I was so nervous. It was the first time I told anyone just like that. I corrected her and said, "bi, actually." None the less, she was so excited. We proceeded to talk about it and she told me about her bi experiences. Oh man, what a huge relief. She is so important to me and to be accepted by her just meant the world.
Last edited by nimby on Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby DeckApe » Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:05 pm

Not much to say to that but 'yay!' :)
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby Rico » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:46 pm

One of my favorite coming out stories is not mine but from a friend I met on Biways, a former Compuserve human sexuality forum. He spent years building up the courage and practicing just the right words to tell his parents he was gay. When he finally told them, they stared at him for a minute, smiled and then said: "We know that. What we want to know is what took you so long to tell us?"
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby butch » Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:44 pm

Rico wrote:One of my favorite coming out stories is not mine but from a friend I met on Biways, a former Compuserve human sexuality forum. He spent years building up the courage and practicing just the right words to tell his parents he was gay. When he finally told them, they stared at him for a minute, smiled and then said: "We know that. What we want to know is what took you so long to tell us?"


That's a pretty common situation, it seems. Kind of reminds me of the old adage "there's nothing to fear but fear itself".
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby glas_scot » Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:02 pm

My (future) brother in law found out today. Basically while I was at Uni he come over to do some work on my laptop and checked my history! I must have forgot to delete it before I shut down last night. So when I came back my dad and sister where already home (thankfully he hadn't told them) and he shouted me over.

He said he noticed something on my computer today, and there it was...straightacting.com!!! :o

And well, thats it. They just left 5 mins ago and he didn't say anything or seem angry/upset etc. Plus just as he was leaving we were having a jokingly teasing each other and he said "do you really want to take the mickey out of me when I have more ammo now than ever!" :lol: So at least I now he's fine with it. I'm just worried he will mention to my sister, who will no doubt tell my Dad within millieseconds. But I think I'm just being overly paranoid!

PS. YOU GUYS OUTED ME YOU B@$t@rd$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :twisted:
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby foxeyes2 » Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:06 pm

Don't sweat it. If your sister and father find out they find out. just relax and know that you are the way you are suppose to be and sounds like you will have an ally in your brother in law.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby nimby » Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:30 pm

Wow. Take a deep breath. That's gotta be the worst when it comes out accidentally and you're not prepared for it. But it is out now. He most likely will tell your sister eventually, who will, as you said, tell your dad. How do you think he'll handle it? Prepare yourself now, Steve, and all the best. Keep us informed, eh? And as we're partly responsible, do you want us to call your dad? We'll 'splain it to him nice and easy. :lol:

And don't forget to breathe.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby olywaguy » Tue Dec 01, 2009 7:35 pm

If the rest of your family comes to find out, see it as a relief. No more hiding. Now you are free to be yourself. No more stressing about family finding out any more. They can meet the boyfriend, etc.

Similar thing happened to Chip. His niece outed him to the rest of the family. Though difficult for him, it did give him the freedom to be himself and marry the love of his life. :D Now, the family has to live it.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby solitaryman1969 » Tue Dec 01, 2009 11:33 pm

If he had found a site history called "Gay Acting" would he have questioned it? Wonder if there's a site for straight men who act gay?
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby butch » Wed Dec 02, 2009 12:19 am

Well... it's nice to have all of that "out" in the open now. Things will work out and better sooner than later. It's always stressful hanging on to "secrets" from family.

I'm wondering what kind of person "pokes around" looking at the history on a computer unless they were busy looking for exactly what they may have expected to find.

In any case, I think it's all for the best because now you won't have to trip over stories you may have created and have just been given the keys to some personal freedom, for better or worse. Now you can claim more of your life for you... and you are the most important person in your life. Take care of #1 and don't try to be what others want you to be.

P.S. bet he checks out this site "in private" sometime.
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Re: Coming Out Stories

Postby glas_scot » Wed Feb 17, 2010 5:38 pm

I don't want this thread to turn into MY gradual coming out, but I do have a pretty interesting story.


On Xmas eve,my local pub was holding an big Xmas party in it's function hall. The night ended up being fantastic. Loads of my good friends turned up, the atmosphere and the music was great. And I had WAY more to drink than I had planned. Due to this, I ended up telling one of close friends while we were dancing together during the final song (the Pogues!). She gave me a MASSIVE hug and then we continued dancing. :)

Unfortunately when we've been out recently we have never really been alone to kind of talk about it. But it was fantastic knowing one of my closets friend knows!

So on saturday we were all out for a 21st Birthday party. We ended up in some crappy club with really crappy, loud music but the drinks we cheap! And we finally got a chance to talk.

It's a bit complicated, but she was dating one of my longest friends for 3 years until they split up around 4-5 months ago. They split on fantastic terms and are now still great friends! So after discussing how she feels he will react when I tell him etc etc, she actually kind of came OUT to me! She is a little confused but knows deep down she's a lesbian if not "slightly bi". I really couldn't believe it and I am so proud of her. It's great knowing I now have someone I can talk to about this who understands what I am going through. What's even better now is that I'm there for her. I can give her advise from what I've experienced and learned from reading on this excellent site and what I've picked up from YouTube videos. Right now, she needs me more than I need her.

I still find it unbelievable that someone so close to me and have known for years has been going through this as well.

Now, I just need to man up and tell one of my close male friends. I'm ready and know 2 of them will be completely fine. But there's always that doubt in the back of my mind that's holding me back.
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