Would you date a Bi Married Man?

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Would you date a Bi Married Man?

Postby coeur de lion » Sun Mar 11, 2012 3:24 pm

I am seeking some thoughtful advice.

I am a Bi sexual married man. NO before you jump to the conclusions... I am not in denial, I am not sitting on the fence. I am not in hiding. I am not on the down low. I truly am a bisexual man.

I have worked VERY hard to be truthful and honest to my world. I am fully out. I came out to my wife before we married 18 years ago. We have long ago worked through this and she is understanding. In this she would prefer that I meet one guy rather than random hookups. I would prefer the same.

First off, I am an attractive man... at least this is what I am told. I am handsome, very masculine and established. I do NOT have a problem finding a hookup if that were the agenda.

But I tend to get a few responses from men.

The first comes from gay men that simply will not accpet that bi exists. I have sat through more rants from uneducated gay men that refuse to let me be who I am. Frankly I have worked MUCH harder at being who I am than most gay men... and paid the prices of such. These guys are write offs.

The second comes from gay men that dont really care about any of that depth. Frankly it just seems that they want to simply check a straight acting bi guy off of their list of sexual conquests. Just not my thing.

The third comes from other bi men... but they tend to be on the downlow. Frankly I do NOT want to have an affair. They may not care about their partners feelings... but I do.

Honestly I see these guys that are perpetually single. I see gay men that are so lonely. I see gay men that flit from LTR (2years) to LTR. sh*t I offer way more than that. I am loyal, exclusive, totally decent guy that truly does have the time and freedom to meet a guy. Im open to possibilities. I am open to various scenarios. I am willing to do the hard work to make something work.

So my question is... how do I get beyond the initial "reactions" that I get to all of this? How do I get past the preset stereotypes that most assume. My experience is that as men come to know me and understand my situation they actually open to me?

Do I approach men pretending to be looking for friends? Do I not mention immediately that I am bi married? Do I just play hard to get? All of these things seem deceitful to who I am and the paths that I walk. The problem is NOT getting a guy... I can do that. the problem is meeting someone worth investing in?

Any advice is appreciated.
coeur de lion
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Re: Would you date a Bi Married Man?

Postby nimby » Sun Mar 11, 2012 6:58 pm

First of all, Hello!

I too am also another married bi guy from Toronto and I know EXACTLY what you say. Most of the resistance I've encountered pertaining to my bisexuality has been from other men, especially those who claim they are "straight" but just like dick, or gay guys who claim I am fooling myself. Surprisingly I have also met a number of gay guys who regularly sleep with women yet still call them selves gay. Apparently denial ain't just a river in Egypt. :D

Anyway, It can happen. You can have both. If your wife is fine with it, what does anyone else's opinion matter? It is much more common than people realize and it can be a very satisfying experience for all those involved. Me, I am in a closed loop relationship with a guy and it is working out very well. He knows my wife and adores her, and she him. We all get along nicely.

T.O. has a great bi community. Are you involved in it at all? I facilitate a monthly bi mens' support group here; a great place to meet like minded guys who are in very similar situations. If youd like more information, please PM me and I'll be glad to share. Otherwise all I can say is keep looking. Sometimes Craig's List has ads from married bi guys looking for just what you are.

Best of luck and nice to meet ya!
"Why do we have asteroids in the hemisphere and hemmorroids in the a$$ ? "
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Re: Would you date a Bi Married Man?

Postby beezer » Sat Nov 03, 2012 10:00 pm

I am also a bi married man. My wife does not know ... I've had more encounters than actual dating experience, but I have met some really nice guys whom I do consider to be friends. I've had some on this board tell me that I'm gay ... I politely disagree with them. It's a tough road ... good luck to you.
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Re: Would you date a Bi Married Man?

Postby Puppy_1994 » Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:34 pm

Hello guys! I'm new here! I'm from Paraguay. My english is not too good. I hope I can make new friends here! I'm 18 years old. I'm gay and I recently broke up with my first boyfriend. I found this web site interesting to share opinions and other stuff so I decided to create an account. Let's see what happens. It's my first post but I know it won't be the last :D
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