How to create sparks

Talk about romance and dating, or lack there of.

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How to create sparks

Postby shelts » Sat Sep 04, 2010 11:32 pm

Hello all,

Recently, I started dating for a long-term relationship with someone. I am looking for some advice on how to be more seductive and creating chemistry in dates.

To give some background, I am a 25-yr old Asian male living in a gay-friendly city, and I believe I have the right qualities to make a fantastic boyfriend (educated, balanced, stable). I have been told that I am good looking, as I am slender build, tall (about 5 11), get stares all the time from hunkier guys even though I don't necessarily fit the stereotypes as I work in a conservative industry. Sometimes, people wonder why I don't get more men who want to date me! But I have a feeling that for lots of men, all they want is the physical, whereas I have different personal standards, choosing to not have sex until I fall in love (still a virgin).

I recently signed up for a matchmaking service and went on a date with someone I like and whom I believe would be both great for a relationship and physical play. The problem was that the date felt rather "awkward" for the both of us......conversation was difficult to start, he had to cut the date short, appeared somewhat distracted due to a family situation, etc. Nonetheless, I felt I could have done a better job of "breaking the ice" and so looking for some tips on how to psychologically seduce a guy (on different levels) from you experienced daters.

I am all very new to this, have been out for about 4 years now, and love being gay. I am eagerly awaiting my first time!

Shelts.
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Re: How to create sparks

Postby nimby » Sun Sep 05, 2010 12:01 pm

Hi Shelts and welcome!!!

Hmmm, awkward conversations is a tough one. For me I just keep talking. If you feel the conversation starts to lag, ask him questions and get him talking about himself and relate about stories from your past. Eventually you should find some common ground and the conversation will start to flow. It works for me. I'm a huge chatter box. My last blind date started of like that. I was so scared. But we went for an evening walk and the conversation just flowed. Been together for over a year now and the conversations are just great now, plus lots of other benefits :D .

Good luck and keep us updated!!
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Re: How to create sparks

Postby shelts » Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:23 pm

Thx! I'll try to get him to think some dirty thoughts.

On a first date, should I admit or subtly allude to the fact that I have never had sex?

Also, are there any witty conversational humorous or sarcastic things I can weave into my conversations to make them more exciting? I find that simply asking about the usual stuff (profession, birthplace, family etc.) makes the converstaion very stiff and neutral, whereas I am looking to create some sparks.
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Re: How to create sparks

Postby Rico » Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:20 pm

shelts wrote:Thx! I'll try to get him to think some dirty thoughts.

On a first date, should I admit or subtly allude to the fact that I have never had sex?

Also, are there any witty conversational humorous or sarcastic things I can weave into my conversations to make them more exciting? I find that simply asking about the usual stuff (profession, birthplace, family etc.) makes the converstaion very stiff and neutral, whereas I am looking to create some sparks.


First, welcome to the boards.

The "usual stuff" is not "stiff and neutral" but is often the best way intially to get to know someone. My advice is to not think about this too much, but just be yourself. If your conversations aren't naturally humorous, smooth or exciting, then don't fake them so that they appear to be. You won't be able to keep it up forever and eventually will be caught. You'll just have to be yourself and let the guy know who you really are. If the chemistry is there, you'll know it.

There are plenty of things you can do without faking it. Nimby was right. Ask alot of questions. Show an interest in him if you are interested. If you see something you especially like about him, tell him. (e.g. "Nice butt!" "I really like your eyes." "You're so handsome my head is spinning.") Guys love compliments, especially when the giver is sincere.

I guess the bottom line is that you don't want someone who doesn't like and appreciate the real you...so above all....be real! Let nature take its course and you'll be just fine.

All the best!
In the Beginning there was nothing, and God said: 'Let there be Light." There was still nothing, but you could see it.
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Re: How to create sparks

Postby olywaguy » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:01 pm

If this is someone you met online and who has a personals profile, check and see what he wrote down for his interests. That could be a conversation starter.

Because, I didn't start out in my gay life until I was 38 years old, one of the things I am curious about is how they first realized they were gay. Who was their first attraction and what happened, etc. Talk about family and if they know he is gay. This could be very important because it would define the kind of relationship you will have with him.

But, just be yourself. Tell him what you are interested in. Red flags for me are when they say they like the same things as you exactly. I expect some likes but most of the time a lot of differences...and I don't consider that to be a bad thing. It means I have an opportunity to learn something new from them and that can be a lot of fun.
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