Dating Whys

Talk about romance and dating, or lack there of.

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Dating Whys

Postby olywaguy » Sun Jul 25, 2010 10:33 am

Why are there so many guys into:

--extremely submissive behavior where the guy wants to be humiliated, treated shabbily, taken advantage of physically, mentally, economically? I really don't understand that.

--some literally want to be a slave for a guy and do everything he tells you to do.

--some are so submissive that they want to be told what to do every moment of the day.

I call these guys hyper-submissives.

What is it about these guys that make them so hyper-submissive? It is like living a SIMS video game where you do everything for the character.

This goes so against my natural tendencies. I really don't understand it at all.
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby butch » Sun Jul 25, 2010 12:25 pm

Butch doesn't like to assume but he's not above taking on a bit of speculation...

I'm speculating that people who want to be dominated are from very dysfunctional families and are trying to fulfill lost happiness from their childhoods. I speculate that, in order to be rewarded as children, they had to be very submissive and obedient and likely had a mother, or father, with whom they spent a lot of time. The parent was an enabler who wanted total control over them and likely didn't let them out of their site for long. I expect they were not allowed to make any decisions of any kind on their own, but were rewarded for being obedient.

Another possibility is they got little attention as young children unless they made themselves slaves to a parent or older brother or sister. They came to accept such behaviour as "normal".

But what do I know?

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Re: Dating Whys

Postby Earl Butz » Sun Jul 25, 2010 5:45 pm

Heh. Interesting. I have alot of those behaviors....it just seems normal to me. I don't like being told what to do, but I hate asserting myself or any kind of conflict. I was the youngest of four children in a dysfunctional family.

Since I was way younger than my siblings, I always felt like the least important one in the family. They were all adults off on their own when I was just starting middle school.

Being told you're scum is better than being ignored! Yeah that's a really sick attitude, isn't it? :oops:
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby olywaguy » Sun Jul 25, 2010 8:56 pm

Let me show you an example from a guy on a dating site.


"i want my Dom guy goes against my will but my limits...and train me as his boy. If he wants to share me, and i don't want to be...he must be the guy who will throw me into a grp of bears...

and humiliate, shame me, i want him to have nasty mouth...etc."


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Re: Dating Whys

Postby Earl Butz » Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:54 am

Another odd one I just recently learned about is yiffing. That's when grown ass men dress up in furry dog costumes and dry hump each other.

I'm not sure I get that one either.
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby butch » Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:59 am

I was the oldest and wasn't above throwing tantrums to get my way. I'm told my father beat the crap out of me once while he was home on leave from the Air Force when I pulled one of my tantrums. That seemed to work I guess because I became shy and retiring, but I learned quickly that most were idiots and, since I didn't have to study in school I could use my brains to get my way. Then the Navy taught me how to assert myself and I learned that people will do what you tell them if you seem demonstrative enough.

I can't imagine letting anyone have control over me... they'd learn a quick lesson in how really, really mean I can be to idiots. I can be very, very nasty. I really don't understand anyone with a "slave" mentality. I'm not fond of being around wimps. Can't stand them, actually. Nor do I want a slave. I want someone who will stand up to me but recognize rule number one: I'm the boss and don't you ever forget it.

My boyfriend who passed away in 1994 was a quiet type but strong willed. When he wanted to get to me he would just stop talking to me... for days on end, sometimes. It drove me nuts, mostly because I didn't know what he was angry about. But we always had great make-up sex.
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby Earl Butz » Mon Jul 26, 2010 2:48 pm

I don't know. Words like "wimp" and "idiot" are just labels. No one is completely anything. I never saw the point in being pretend macho, because I knew I didn't have the muscle to back it up. Or the attitude.

I've always had strained relationships with straight guys. The smarter ones seemed to respect me, though. I'm six feet tall so that helps. But I imagine they wonder what is up with my lack of aggression. And then there's the shyness....a lifelong problem I've never solved.

But it helps to figure out who you are and then act accordingly. Like if I see a macho idiot on the road, I pull over to the right and stay out of the way. It just makes for a happier world. :?
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby Schlodesss » Mon Jul 26, 2010 6:02 pm

Well, I dunno.

Realtionship wise I think there is often times a leader and follower and I use that term lightly... because I am brain farting right now but you guys get my point.. I see it often in friendships, one person is the more dominant one as far as making decisions.. or whatever...

I have fallen into both parts in friendships, and if it fits and works well I go with it.

Now, that out of the way, sexually, I like a rough take charge dominant guy, [very hard to find]. I don't mean some dude who dresses up in an out fit of some sort and tells me what to do.. [that's good for a laugh though] but a guy who can physically overpower me and do as he pleases if need be but has the mental confidence / hold over me to most of the time not need to do so to get what he wants.. if that makes sense. Like Cloudy says it's mostly a confidence thing, and it has to actually be there, you can't dress up in leather, put a cigar in your mouth and instantly you are a dom.. I have met guys that are smaller than myself, it was a certain masculin confidence that had within themselves that made me feel i'd be in a more submissive role with them, be it just friends or more.

Also I have met guys [and i'm mostly a submissive type in bed] where I just want to pick them up, put them over my shoulder and carry them to a remote spot and......................... :twisted:

So in the end, with me it's not really about my childhood [which was shitty parentally, but good as far as having had a lot of fun] but more about how I click with a person chemically and molecularly lol...

Sorry if I veered off the actual topic a little. I had a lesbian friend Linda, and she wanted to live as a slave, like, a collar, a chain, chained up in the living room to a post, etc... I tried to wrap my mind around it but didn't get it. :? I like the idea of being someone's "slave" in bed for a few hours or a night, but... not like... in everyday life.. although, like I said I do believe that without even realizing it we fall into dominant or submissive rolls in our every day lives in relationships with co workers, friends, and our partners/lovers.

I wish I had the $ to go back to school to study human psychology.....

Edit - Earl that's strange because I find myself opposite you. I have awesome flowing relationships with 99% of straight guys I meet, and I more often than not clash with most gay guys I meet and try to hang out with in person. There have been exceptions, [Tygrr and Mopar and Porsheboy are a few i've met on here and got along with well] but like if I meet people locally generally it peters out fast because of the lack of common interests.. I STILL can not understand why.... millions of straight men love performance cars and racing [not just watching] and dirt bikes/quads, but gay men it's like a needle in a haystack... I used to think that there was not much diff between straight and gay except sexual preference but, I was wrong, gay and straight men are very different much more so than just who they are attracted to.... I wish I knew why.... I wish there was more diversity in gay men....
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby Earl Butz » Mon Jul 26, 2010 6:26 pm

I tend to get along better with women than men....gay or straight. I've known way more straight guys though. Some are hopeless, some are nice. You never know.

It's hard to find gay hockey fans, too. They need to diversify for sure.
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby ispeaktexan » Mon Jul 26, 2010 10:45 pm

Maybe y'all just aren't looking in the right places.
I myself haven't given much thought to the whole submissive/dominate thing. Didn't strike me as important...
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby butch » Tue Jul 27, 2010 2:22 am

Even though I can't understand why anyone would want to be dominated, I give the folks who do it credit for recognizing their inner selves and acting upon it. Not that I think they are mentally healthy but, at least, they are trying to be themselves.
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby Earl Butz » Thu Jul 29, 2010 3:13 am

Earl Butz wrote:Another odd one I just recently learned about is yiffing. That's when grown ass men dress up in furry dog costumes and dry hump each other.


Oh forgot to mention: the reason they call it yiffing is that's the sound foxes make when they do it. :mrgreen:
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby furface » Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:55 pm

Foxes dress up in furry dawg suits and dry hump one 'nother. :shock: Who'da thunk it? I missed that show on Animal Planet. :D
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby olywaguy » Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:54 pm

Actually, you missed an episode of CSI that talked about the furry culture. That's where I heard about yiffing. Here in Washington, I've met a couple of people who are furries...it is an interesting culture no doubt.
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby Phoenix6570 » Sun Aug 01, 2010 10:29 am

I can't really say why some guys are hyper-submissive. The situations you presented are things I would never subject myself through and can't understand why others are like that. My only guess is thats in their nature.

I'm not the most dominant person in the world. I would say I'm passive-aggressive but I've gotten better with that over the years.Not perfect by any-means, but I'm the best with it now than any other time in my life. I assume for other people these traits just drive them to deeper extremes because that's where they took it or saw that as the best option.

I do like being dominated to an extent mainly in the bedroom. I could see letting a partner making some of the choices but I would always want to have a voice, and would never be a slave. Like I said the only place where I would be real submissive is in the bedroom, but thats only for the right person. The feel and attitude has to be there, if it isn't then it becomes laughable.

So in the end I can't really say but I do think Butch has a good point with what he said.
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby nimby » Tue Aug 10, 2010 8:34 pm

I've been placed in dominant roles most of my life. Sometimes I just want to be dominated. Not in a nasty way but just for someone to watch over me for a while.
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby Earl Butz » Wed Aug 11, 2010 4:51 am

nimby wrote:I've been placed in dominant roles most of my life. Sometimes I just want to be dominated. Not in a nasty way but just for someone to watch over me for a while.


I'm the reverse. I fantasize alot about handcuffing a guy to a four poster bed so I can have my way with him. But I'm never the one being tied up. :mrgreen:
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby olywaguy » Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:02 pm

I have recently met a couple of guys who enjoy hooking up with other men for oral sex only and nothing else...no kissing, no cuddling, no nothing else. One of them has a girlfriend. But the thing about these two guys, they seem to get together with other guys only when they are intoxicated. Why is it?
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Re: Dating Whys

Postby madsglen » Fri Aug 20, 2010 10:40 pm

Oh, Lord, I don't know. Maybe they're Goys... (sorry, had to say it) And maybe the alcohol reduces their inhibitions to the point they take risks and actually do what they want to do.
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