Frustrated

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Frustrated

Postby Phoenix6570 » Sun Jun 27, 2010 11:24 am

So lately I've been trying to find a relationship. I've never been in one and always wanted the experience, so I decided to put some effort into finding one. The results have been rather disappointing. I was talking to a guy for a few months then randomly I never heard from him again. This seems to be a reoccurring trend for me; which is one I'll never understand. Why do people lead you on for a good amount of time just to go silent on you? I can deal with things not working out, but when people up and vanish and there's no explanation its really aggravating.

Searching is always an uphill battle anyway. I don't fit the build everyone out there wants ( white, with a perfect body.) I'm young but fat, so that instantly makes things difficult. I've tried sites like biggercity but it isn't much of a help. Most bigger guys are looking for fit guys so at times it seems hopeless. I wish I could make it to the point where I at least got the opportunity since I think I have a lot to offer someone.

Part of me wants to stop trying and focus on other areas of my life. At times it seems more practical than setting yourself up for constant disappointment.
"As long as a person doesn't admit he's defeated, he is not defeated-- he's just a little behind, and isn't through fighting" ~ Darrel Royal
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Re: Frustrated

Postby butch » Sun Jun 27, 2010 12:07 pm

I've been in more than one relationship. I chalk that up to luck since I'm very choosy.... very, very choosy. I'm not a social type so I don't have a lot of friends to compare myself to, but I've met a lot of gay guys because I have volunteered my photography services to a number of gay causes. And I've met quite a few gay men who I asked to model for me. Most gay men I've met have not been in a relationship for any extended period of time so I expect the number of single gay men exceeds the number in long term relationships.

The point is, you aren't alone.

If you want to get ahead in life, I've found you have to invest in yourself... time, money and EFFORT. The last one is the hard part.

For instance, while I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm trying to improve myself as an artist and YouTuber. I don't have much money (I'm too lazy and old to work). I want to succeed as an artist in my old age... so I have to allocate a large part of my meager resources to buying paint and canvas (very, very, very expensive) and to advance myself as a YouTuber I've had to invest in better camera gear and computer gear. Money-wise it means giving up just about everything but rent and food and being very careful how much I even spend on food. I walk instead of taking buses to save money. Just yesterday I ordered a GoPro Wide camera. It's a huge expense for me but I'm investing in myself.

You say you're fat. Well that may be a big issue for a lot of men but there are guys who like that... you just haven't found them and maybe you won't but you must invest the time to find the guys who will like you for you. Even guys that may seem slim and attractive (to you) will have their problems meeting "Mr. Right" because they may have high expectations too.

I say don't give up, and if being fat is something you see in yourself as a problem then work on changing it. Start eating a lot of vegetables in your diet. That will reduce your cravings for other foods and they (vegetables) aren't fattening, will make you feel full much longer than other foods and are actually good for you. Learn to cook to make them taste better. You have to cut out a lot of calories from you diet and you are already addicted to fattening foods... you may be a rich food addict but don't know it. So learn to cook if you don't know how and work on reducing your weight if that is an issue for you... and you mention it, so I expect it is an issue and it won't ever go away on its own. If you feel full, you will eat less and you will automagically start to lower your weight. You may have to exercise... darn. Otherwise, you must accept your appearance and habits and IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT.

Anyhow, you aren't alone in having trouble finding a boyfriend. People get rich running businesses that help people meet other people.

A relationship is hard work, it's not something magical that always works out. You will have to learn how to compromise all the time. Just keep yourself out there, talk to as many guys as you can and maybe you'll get lucky. Don't be too demanding a person, the other person has needs too.

Keep your chin up, something will work out if you keep trying.

P.S. I don't know if this will help you at all. I have had 3 significant relationships in my life. The first lasted 2 years (I ran away to England to follow him), the second lasted 18 years (he died from AIDS) and the third lasted 10 years (he was straight... he moved to New York to pursue his photography career and I moved to Vancouver to retire).

What is important here is this... I met ALL THREE of them by walking up to them on the street and talking to them
. They were COMPLETE STRANGERS. I had no idea if they were straight or gay... I was just attracted to them and I made the first move... someone has to do it. May as well be you. I've never met anyone in a gay bar or club who was relationship material... one night stands only.

And... get this, I've brought several straight couples together. They were too shy to talk to each other and I had picked up on their interest in each other... so I introduced them. I actually told each partner that the other was interested in them and they really should talk to each other. Once they spoke to each other the chemistry simply took over and the rest, as they say, is history.
"You know it's going to be bad, but you just can't prepare yourself" ... Homer Simpson
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Re: Frustrated

Postby Phoenix6570 » Sun Jun 27, 2010 3:12 pm

Thanks for the advice. I've actually started many of the things you mentioned so its good to know I'm on the right track. I've been changing my diet to include more fruits and vegetables. I cut out many of the bad foods I would eat and have been slowly adopting a healthier lifestyle. I go to the gym on a regular basis; about five times a week for at least an hour.

As for my other interests I really love creative writing. I've been working on a story for a while now. I'm getting much more accomplished with it than ever. My goal is to write everyday even if its just a sentence that way I'll be consistent with it and it will stay in my mind.

I'm not going to stop trying. Like you said I just need to keep putting myself out there and work with whatever options I have. Walking up to someone on the street would be pretty ballsy for me but hey its worth a shot the worst that could happen is nothing which is where I'm at now.

Thanks again
"As long as a person doesn't admit he's defeated, he is not defeated-- he's just a little behind, and isn't through fighting" ~ Darrel Royal
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Re: Frustrated

Postby butch » Sun Jun 27, 2010 8:43 pm

Fruits are good for you, but remember most are high in sugar... sucrose. Veggies are low in sugars and high in fibre and carbohydrates which require time to digest. Fruits are easy to digest (most of them). Veggies (I buy various varieties of mixed veggies) take time to digest which reduces hunger. I'm a terrible cook so I cook up several skinless chicken breasts (to re-heat over the next few days in the micro wave) in a small roasting pan on the stove top (takes about an hour) and dump in a can of low salt tomato sauce. The sauce ads flavour and is idiot proof. That way I have something to make the veggies taste better, and I have some uncle ben's rice with it. Not dieting as such, just cutting calories and making myself feel less like needing a butter tart. Hmmmmmm.... butter tarts. Yummy.... where was I? And he says to himself... forget it David, eat your veggies.

Since you're writing, I'll try to make this brief. It is some advice I was given about epic story and screen play writing... the rules. It's called the Hero's Journey... i.e. the hero vs some kind of struggle or antagonist.

The stages of the story...

1. Home... the ordinary world, the set-up part of the story. Boring normal life.
2. The "call to adventure"... something happens to awaken the spirit.
3. The refusal of the call... I'm not good enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm not worthy yadda yadda
4. Meeting the mentor... could be a person, a magic sword, a passage in a book... something to inspire.
5. Crossing the threshold... making the first step... acceptance of the call to adventure.
6. Allies, Tests, and enemies
7. Approaching the danger... making plans, sending out scouts... preparation.
8. The ordeal... the actual dangerous part.
9. The reward
10. The Road Back.
11. The resurrection... having to admit the "excitment" is over now.
12. The return of the elixer... remembering the "feeling" and the happy, or not, ending.
"You know it's going to be bad, but you just can't prepare yourself" ... Homer Simpson
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