I want to be more str8 acting

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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I want to be more str8 acting

Postby nitroike » Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:33 pm

Is there a rulebook, or guide on how to be an attractive straight-acting masculine man? Im pretty lanky, just started working out to build muscle mass. Most people say that Im pretty straight acting anyway, but thats only other str8 people. Straight acting gay guys have no interest in me, so I wanna fix that. I have longish hair I usually pull back, and work out most of the time. I dont play any sports though..should I? I'd appreciate any thoughts or input. Also, Im generally just unable to relax around hot guys which I think plays a factor in it too.
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Postby furface » Sun Feb 04, 2007 6:02 pm

Ike, if'n I can calls ya that; relax son. What makes ya attractive (beyond existin' within disgust limits for your species - and from that avatar that ain't a problem :wink: ) is just being who ya are and comfortable in your own skin. Don't do no actin' cause lest you're Oscar caliber eveyone'll see right through it and y'all come across as a poser and someone ya ain't.

Most folks find a man with a sense of humor, a sense of the absurd, a child-like sense of wonder and enthusiasm, and a modicum of self confidence to be attractive. It's the naturalness of who you are that conveys that, not the applied mannerisms and affectations of the allegedly straight-acting.

There used to be a tough ole bear here'bouts named Tom from Michigan. He was always telling folks Be the man you want to be and you'll be with the man you want. I know that's a mite trite, but this ole dawg knows it's true.

Stick around. Ask questions. Pull a chaior up to the stove, whittle if ya like. Chaw if ya need to, but mind where ya hock, the ole hound sleepin' on the porch don't tkae kindly to be spat on.

Y'all be good to yourself, now. Ya hear!
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Postby nitroike » Mon Feb 05, 2007 12:56 am

but see thats the thing, I really want to be a different person. Im pretty sure I need to change some things around in my life, because most of my decisions were based on what my straight female friends thought were attractive, and I really just need some good solid advice to follow. I guess there isnt any out there..
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Postby Davy » Mon Feb 05, 2007 6:07 am

Hate to break it to you but masculine and feminine men are born, not made. You can't make yourself more masculine anymore than I can make myself more feminine. Sure, I could probably take up going to the opera or painting my nails or calling everyone "honey" or "sweetheart" or even teaching myself the gay Richard Simmons-type accent, but it would be an act.

The person you display to others can easily be changed, but you can't change what is in your heart. Eventually, you get tired of the act and the show. Just be yourself. That's all you or anyone can expect of you.
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Postby chrismanos » Mon Feb 05, 2007 7:34 am

heya Ike,

Without actulaly knowing you, we can't make any judgement of your personality, other than what you portray here. From what you say, you want to be a different person. So my question to you is, "What about you don't you like?" Once you can answer that definitively, then you can start figuring out what, if anything, you want to change.

Instead of concerning yourself with trying to be something, concern yourself with trying to figure out who you are. You can't change who you are. I pretended I was someone else until I was 27, when I came out. But coming out hasn't changed the things I like to do. I like to do woodworking. I like to hike and spend time outside. I don't mind getting dirty. Find out who you are, and get comfortable with it. Once you are comfortable with yourself, and by yourself, you will come across as confident. A man who is comfortable with who he is, whether masculine, or feminine, is a man.

Welcome to the boards. SA.com helped me come to terms with a lot of stuff. I hope you stick around for a while and we can help you figure out who you are.

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Postby JakeMIke » Mon Feb 05, 2007 8:41 am

Maybe you can start by getting some new clothes and trying out a new look. Don't know how you dress now, but clothes can make a difference in how you start out.
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Postby Ben » Mon Feb 05, 2007 5:03 pm

nitroike wrote:but see thats the thing, I really want to be a different person. Im pretty sure I need to change some things around in my life, because most of my decisions were based on what my straight female friends thought were attractive, and I really just need some good solid advice to follow. I guess there isnt any out there..


I'm not gonna tell you "be yourself, be proud of who/what you are, don't fake it, don't act yada yada yada".

To me it sounds like you're already making the changes in order to be happy with yourself. I think it's the unconscious changes that matters. To NOT change something in yourself that you're unhappy with is actually the same as NOT "being yourself".

Like I told somebody else here a long time ago. To change oneself is kinda like walking through a tunnel full of hinderblocks. The world on the other side seems bigger and better. And when you're on the other side you may have made the changes that you set out to do. If you then find that you're the same person as you were before, at least you'll realize that that is who you were born to be, and be at peace with that.

IMO it's the path, the struggle of change that does the magic, not the outcome.

At least in the perfect world I'm trying to realize.
:P
Last edited by Ben on Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby stevestr » Mon Feb 05, 2007 6:30 pm

Ben wrote:
nitroike wrote:but see thats the thing, I really want to be a different person. Im pretty sure I need to change some things around in my life, because most of my decisions were based on what my straight female friends thought were attractive, and I really just need some good solid advice to follow. I guess there isnt any out there..


I'm not gonna tell you "be yourself, be proud of who/what you are, don't fake it, don't act yada yada yada".

To me it sounds like you're already making the changes in order to be happy with yourself. I think it's the unconscious changes that matters. To NOT change something in yourself that you're not happy with is actually the same as NOT "being yourself".

Like I told somebody else here a long time ago. To change oneself is kinda like walking through a tunnel full of hinderblocks. The world on the other side seems bigger and better. And when you're on the other side you may have made the changes that you set out to do. If you then find that you're the same person as you were before, at least you'll realize that that is who you were born to be, and at peace with that.

IMO it's the path, the struggle of change that does the magic, not the outcome.

At least in the perfect world I'm trying to realize.
:P


Totally unrelated to the discussion at er hand but are you back in Sweden now or have you just never updated your profile?
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Postby furface » Mon Feb 05, 2007 6:34 pm

Ike; I think the upshot to what we're trying to say is yes, change yourself but change it because it's for you, not what others may think about you. Expand your world view and try different things, but keep those new interests and behaviours that you enjoy. Don't adopt something because you feel it's manly or might get ya noticed more. If ya don't enjoy it, it's a waste of your time and effort. But don't abandon an new interest or appearence too quickly as some things take a bit of time to be merged into your persona.

Keep asking us questions as we ain't mind readers, gaydar not withstanding. :D And if it's something ya'd rather not ask in open posts; most of us have valid e-mails in our profiles and there's always PMs. We'd like to help if we can, but we need some additional input from you if possible.
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Postby Frizzurd » Mon Feb 05, 2007 7:32 pm

How many straights are there that either cant play sports because they are lard ass couch potatoes or have no interest in it at all? These bullshit requirements piss me off. Expecially when i see so many jocks peircing theyre ears and wearing those shell necklaces. Screw with me and im still going to use my fists rather than scratch you or run away. Of course (Masculinity) will probably use this against me because he has a 15 inch shlong and hair covering his entire body like Chewbacca.
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Postby Earl Butz » Tue Feb 06, 2007 8:18 am

Jocks are boring anyway. When I see one on a talk show, I can only watch about 2 minutes before I'm comatose and pass out on the floor from the boredom.

As for the topic, I agree that you should live your life for you. Do things that please you. It's the only way you can be happy.
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Postby Ben » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:38 pm

stevestr wrote:Totally unrelated to the discussion at er hand but are you back in Sweden now or have you just never updated your profile?

Back in Sweden. I haven't made the big move yet. We're still working on that.
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Postby nitroike » Wed Feb 07, 2007 11:06 am

I think I understand.

And you're right I have already started making some changes. I based alot of my interests and appearance on what my straight female friends thought was hot, and while I like some of them too I can live without them. I've already stopped wearing black eyeliner, I've been going to the gym more frequently and increasing my workload there, yesterday I bought my first non-black article of clothing since I was in elementary school and I'm considering cutting my hair. I'm growing facial hair, and thinking about taking up a sport. I agree that I am making some fast changes, but I think Im beginning to feelthat I just want to grow up into the strong man I always wanted to be.
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Postby furface » Wed Feb 07, 2007 2:30 pm

Good on ya, son!! Y'all likely headed in the right direction. All the smartass banter aside what most all of us really want is for ya to be a happy healthy man; fully growed. We're here if and when ya need us - sorta a large semi functional extended family.

Y'all be good to yourself, now. Ya hear!!
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Postby blu » Sun Feb 11, 2007 9:29 am

nitroike wrote:I think I understand.

And you're right I have already started making some changes. I based alot of my interests and appearance on what my straight female friends thought was hot, and while I like some of them too I can live without them. I've already stopped wearing black eyeliner, I've been going to the gym more frequently and increasing my workload there, yesterday I bought my first non-black article of clothing since I was in elementary school and I'm considering cutting my hair. I'm growing facial hair, and thinking about taking up a sport. I agree that I am making some fast changes, but I think Im beginning to feelthat I just want to grow up into the strong man I always wanted to be.


But you already are a strong man, you seem like one.
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Postby nitroike » Mon Feb 12, 2007 3:27 pm

thank you Blu. I have been lurking these forums for awhile and enjoy your posts.
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Postby Creature » Tue Feb 13, 2007 12:02 pm

Seems like you've been taking your lead from females and your tired of it..........I had the same thing happen to me, but I was much younger.
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Postby nitroike » Tue Feb 13, 2007 6:38 pm

yeah, basically. All my straight female friends thought that pale skinny guys with long hair and makeup who write poetry and play music and wear black fishnets were hot, so for some reason in my head I thought that those things did equal hot to all those attracted to guys, lol. Didn't even occur to me that I wouldnt touch me with a ten foot pole lol
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Postby RedKen99 » Wed Feb 14, 2007 3:34 am

The way to achieve being more straight acting is simple. Learn to hate anything wonderful or beautiful about yourself.
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Postby variant » Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:55 pm

I always looked at transforming into a more masculine version of yourself as an emphasis rather than a destructive editing process. Find the things that are already masculine about yourself and begin there. Slowly you'll begin to take on a different frequency and seekout things that are more comfortable to that condition.

Being masculine does not be mean being an asshole, stupid or shallow. Remember that.
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Postby Pazuzu P. Sasquatch » Fri Aug 01, 2008 4:52 am

As corny as this is going to sound -- Learn to like yourself. Self-confidence is a turn-on. (Yeah, I know. . . "But how do I do that?" It's a lifelong project for some of us, but you're going to be around for a while, right?)

You say that "Straight-acting guys don't like you," or something like that. (I'm keying this right now and can't go look.) There are all kinds of tastes out there. I've known guys who were Butch as hell who could barely handle being around anything or anyone feminine. (I think that's kinda f***ed, but that's me.) I've also known Butch guys who love 'em queenie, the nellier the better. And there are people who like everything in-between, too.

Whoever you are and however you come off, embrace and enjoy that. Believe me, the vibes you give off then will attract plenty of guys to choose from.

And smile. . . . often.
When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I don't want the world. I just want your half."
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Postby Barmbek78 » Mon Aug 04, 2008 7:40 pm

Interestingly, I went through a number of similar changes in my mid-20s (hey, I'm still clinging on to my late 20s, so it's all relevant ;)), but not particularly out of any desire to be more straight-acting per se - I've never had any real problem with that, fortunately you might say - but simply to feel more at ease with myself.

I grew up in the metal scene, so long hair and black clothes were par for the course all through my formative years and into my 20s. I also carried about 50-60lbs of excess weight, had geek-style glasses and basically didn't really care about whether I liked the way I looked. I'd also never been in a meaningful relationship, at least not since my teen years when the definition of "meaningful" can be somewhat different.

The hair, which stretched right down to my waist, went when I was 25 and simply got home one rainy night and decided I was sick of looking after it. Out came the scissors, I borrowed a friend's clippers a few days later to finish the job off properly, and I've had it cropped short ever since and never looked back. (Good thing really, since my old man's receding hairline genes are starting to bite. ;)) The weight soon started to follow, without even working out (though I do go to the gym now in a vain attempt to establish some kind of muscle tone, nothing more - it's a damn sight easier to exercise without a head of long hair, that's for sure...), the spectacles are far more petite than the lab goggles they used to be, and while my wardrobe is never going to resemble the constituent parts of a technicolour dreamcoat, I feel a damn sight more comfortable going out and about in my earth tone shirts, dark blue jeans and all than I ever did in black, black and more black.

Oh yeah, and I've just racked up three years with my bf. Coincidental, perhaps, but in hindsight I think I just had to feel a whole lot better about myself before I could even consider the possibility that someone else might care about me too. It's an age-old cliché, but it's been mentioned already in this thread and there's undeniably some truth in it.

And I'm still into beer, soccer and hard rawk just like I always was. ;)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't be changing yourself just to meet a different set of Other People's Expectations to what you've been conforming to in recent years, because that's still no guarantee of self-satisfaction - but the process of changing and seeing yourself in different lights, seeing the different versions of you that can (co-)exist, can often be a spectacularly liberating and illuminating process no matter what triggers it in the first place, and it might take you down all kinds of avenues you never expected instead of getting stuck in a rut. So if that's what you're embarking upon and you like the way it feels so far, I say go for it.
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change is good

Postby dracuscalico » Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:40 pm

I haven't read every single post but as far as masculinizing yourself. Stop hanging out with your female friends so much. Women generally try to take a guys edge away to make him "less threatening" despite the fact that they chase after the bad boys anyway.

Pick a masculine prototype and become it. If you are attracted to muscular guys become one. If you like guys who ride motorcycles, get one. By having something in common with the guys you are attracted to, it'll pave the road to meet them even if they just become friends with similar interests. Having more male friends will give you male validation which goes a long way in helping you exude masculine confidence, the most desirable trait that "straight acting" guys are looking for.
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Postby kyrio » Sun Aug 24, 2008 8:48 am

I grow a little beard now... :) which makes me less twinky, and I did that for the sake of my job. Grrr
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Postby olywaguy » Mon Aug 25, 2008 12:31 am

kyrio wrote:I grow a little beard now... :) which makes me less twinky, and I did that for the sake of my job. Grrr


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