Were you born gay?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

Moderators: selective_soldier, furface

What is the leading cause of your homosexuality?

Born that way
107
73%
Majority born that way, somewhat environmental
26
18%
Majority environmental, somewhat born that way
8
5%
Environmental
6
4%
 
Total votes : 147

Postby devilnuts » Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:34 pm

Okamoto wrote:Oh, duh. I forgot that unit in middle school on how to be a poofter. Silly me. :P


You must've been out that day. That was the day they sent the girls to shop class and the boys to home ec. :P Evidently you did your own home study program ;)
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Postby Okamoto » Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:37 pm

I am guilty of loving me some extra-curriculars while I was in school. ;P
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Postby Daknee » Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:46 am

I have to say the same thing many of you have said. Yes I was born GAY. I have to admit it took me sometime to realize I was gay but in hind sight I know it was there from the beginning.
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Postby JustJack » Thu Aug 09, 2007 9:42 am

Same here. Born this way. Never really had an interest in girls. I seem to recall the day I was born the doctor checked me out and said "It's a boy!", then I said "You've seen mine, now show me yours big boy." :wink:
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Born gay?

Postby Social_Hell » Fri Aug 24, 2007 4:21 pm

This has been a subject I have studied as a formerly straight turned Bi then Gay man. I have talked to may gay men who while claiming to be born gay tell about their first sexual contacts. With few exceptions, all of the hundreds, yes I said hundreds! Of gay men told tales of how they had sexual contact with older males (some a few years and some many years older) this happened at ages far before puberty. many told me of sexual contact while 8 , 9 10, 11, 12 years old and some far earlier. Many of these encounters were with family members, family friends, neighbors and so on. Studies rarely approach this subject as gay political correctness lashes out in anger and rage. Nor do they talk about role models and role model abuse. Role model abuse is where the MALE straight role model is abusive. This often turns young boys to emotionally bond with female role models, mommy, sister and such. This is not to say that no one is born with a leaning towards same sex. We all who have a background in Psychology and Sociology know that prior to puberty boys tend to be confortable with boys and girls with girls. Thats normal, but sometimes adding in abuse by role models, sexual abuse by same sex before puberty, can in fact mold behaviors to lean away from the percieved bad persons gender, or towards the good persons gender.
To be honest, something the gay community has lacked due to political correctness. No person is born sexual, despite Freuds assertions we are sexual in the birth canal LOL it's not true and has been aptly disputed.
I am gay by CHOICE, like many freedoms I am a man and proudly made this choice, because I am intelligent, and rational. Why gay men fear being intelligent and rational is beyond me. Yes I did just say that! As gay men we follow, and never lead. Let's be leaders once in a while. And a leader isn't some screaming flamer! It's about being a man that stands up and is honest.
There is NOTHING wrong with choosing to be gay, or Bi. Get over it already. Society isnt that stupid, I was straight I know whats said about gay men a society has contempt for the gay dishonesty. Gay dishonesty is now the major reason our progress in society is running into road blocks.

I chose to be gay because of stupid women and fickle games women play. I always enjoyed the company of hard core straight guys, but my sex drive drove me to women for that comfort. Once the sex drive was satified I longed to get the fu** out of here and be back with guys. Finally I decided this was stupid but was powerless to change the situation. That one fatefull day my buddy who found his woman was sleeping with his brother come over and drunk, frustrated and horny from watching straight porn all damn day, decided to tease and joke around, well it finally go out of control and we were both sexually driven to the point of no return, it happened. I found out that day, sex with a male was fun and there was none of that talk to me about your feelings BULLSHIT after we fucked. I was the happiest man alive. That developed into a relationship that lasted 18 years, my first guy, and my last woman the 3 days prior.

I am sure there are guys who are born gay sorta, but so many guys I know who had wild sex lives with women and then after years of a crappy marrige and that encounter as I had suddenly discover they were gay all the time are liars. They are looking for an excuse for being gay. There is NO need for an excuse, we have choices and be proud you chose as you did. I fully understand why a man gets sick of women, the divorce rate and men leaving women for others and even being celebate shows this is epidemic. Women today are confrontational, whiney, demanding, and lack that special quality they had prior to the womans movement, which frankly has become as tasteless as a bowel movement. Today women blame men for everything that goes wrong, even society is anti-man with thousands of comercials showing men as stupid, ignorant, and useless. It's not the mens fault for growing tired if bitchy women. And dont get me started on PMS! Why should a man put up with a raving lunatic?! Why do I have to be sensitive with someone who becomes the anti-christ for a week a month? Before the 1960's women were expected to "control" their behaviors associeated with PMS, today it's perfectly ok to be one step from LUCIFER that unholy week of PMS. Maybe women need to take responsibilty for their actions once again. Women make men gay more often than we would like to admit, because it is politically incorrect to blame a woman for being a bitch, even if she is one.

There are many reasons men are gay, and it's not always a fact of birth, often there are other reasons, but few gay men will buck the tend.
Just like we don't have to be a flaming queen to be gay, niether do we have to agree with the flamers who claim all gay men were born gay.
I am done being control by the gay-Nazi who says I must be a certain way to be gay. What we need now is gay freedom movement to free us from the imposed gay stereotype of being feminine and born gay. A rational choice is something to be proud of! Not being a cocksucker.
The minute we are free of one tyranny, our own place us in a tyranny of lock step correctness. Be free! Be who you are. So many gay men are brainwashed into saying "I finally accepted I was gay" like they lived in denial bullshit. If you liked pussy and discoved cock was better so be it. You didnt live in denial, you matured! and made a concious, sensible decisions based on facts, and thoughtfulness. Its perfectly natural to like the company of a man, all biys do even straight guys. Most straight guys dont lick pussy all day and night, they get some then run off with their buddies and hit the bar, bowling alley, ball games, whatever.....
Straight men are more honest, they blame their bitches for chasing them away. They know the women can be jerks.



I am proud I choose to be gay! It was a good decision for me.

But it was a decision and well thought out. I wanted to try bisexuality before that day me and my buddy did it, but was chicken sh*t. I didnt crave guys, I was wondering if it was as good as Bi or gay men claimed. Damn straight it is....

I like being a man fucker.
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Postby Social_Hell » Fri Aug 24, 2007 4:37 pm

GX wrote:I think it's equal parts or more environmental. I can't think of anyone that was born a fruitcake...they just kind of evolved into it. The coding may be in your genes but I think certain things must occur for it to be triggered.


I agree see my comments in my post..
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Postby Okamoto » Fri Aug 24, 2007 9:18 pm

If you were able to have women as an option, then it sounds like you're a bisexual who chooses to be with men.

I would never be able to "choose" to be with women. Their parts are so grody. No straight or gay man has ever had to make a choice because the opposite sex to which they are attracted can do nothing for them. I have never gotten hard thinking/seeing a woman like that. It's just so gross. D:

And gay men who refused to accept being gay could have forced themselves to hide who they really were from fear of rejection. It's not that farfetched of an idea. Also, alternative lifestyles weren't as accepted before my generation, so I imagine it wouldn't be as common to force oneself into a psuedo-relationship.

No one ever tried anything with me, and I'm still a virgin. I *$#*@# know I was born gay, and it's not possible to convince me otherwise. My mom even knew when I was 5, but didn't bother telling me until I came out. She didn't treat me any differently than my 3 other siblings(all of whom I assume are straight). I had a perfect frickin childhood, and I know I'm gay. >_>
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Postby Social_Hell » Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:27 pm

Okamoto wrote:If you were able to have women as an option, then it sounds like you're a bisexual who chooses to be with men.

I would never be able to "choose" to be with women. Their parts are so grody. No straight or gay man has ever had to make a choice because the opposite sex to which they are attracted can do nothing for them. I have never gotten hard thinking/seeing a woman like that. It's just so gross. D:

And gay men who refused to accept being gay could have forced themselves to hide who they really were from fear of rejection. It's not that farfetched of an idea. Also, alternative lifestyles weren't as accepted before my generation, so I imagine it wouldn't be as common to force oneself into a psuedo-relationship.

No one ever tried anything with me, and I'm still a virgin. I *$#*@# know I was born gay, and it's not possible to convince me otherwise. My mom even knew when I was 5, but didn't bother telling me until I came out. She didn't treat me any differently than my 3 other siblings(all of whom I assume are straight). I had a perfect frickin childhood, and I know I'm gay. >_>


Womens parts being objectionable to you is fine, many gay men wont commit anal sex on other gay men for the same reason so are they straight?
Many gay men only do oral, this is a choice as well. Whether you accept reality or not, it is still reality.

I did choose, based on years of attitudes from women and watching other men suffer from woman to woman. One buddy found out I was gay and was shocked. He never been with a guy and was miserable with the 4th wife he was divorcing. This guy asked me how could I be gay and I told him the whole story from my first encounter fueled by alcohol and my decision it worked best for me. He was asking so many questions My mind blurred lol. Details fo how it feels and so on. after a few weeks he asked me if a Guy trys something with a guy is he gay, I laughed and told him, if a scientist studys a subject is he that subject, and he agreed that he wouldnt be gay but curious. So I fixed him up with a guy I knew was gay but normal acting. 3 days later he emerged from the gay mans house and came over said he tried it all and foubd out it was as good as a woman and then stopped and asked me no to laugh, I promised to not laugh, he said getting fucked was awesome. LMAO after his break up with the wife he hooked up with that guy and for years they shared a home lol....

Yes a man can convert or decide to be gay because its better or makes better sense to them...

No excuses needed for being gay..

..
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Postby Social_Hell » Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:37 pm

Donovan wrote:For me it was 100% environmental. I was completely not gay before I came to the US when I was 18 years old. I dated a few girls in middle and hgh school, and the idea of dating a guy actually kind of disgusted me before I turned 18.

I turned gay within a year after I came to the US. How did I turn gay so quickly? I am not sure. Sometimes I wonder if someone casted a spell on me or something.... :roll:



No spells on you buddy lol.

Maybe you matured and realized sex is sex and procreation is procreation.

If one masturbates why are they not labled as defective, or a-sexual for the rest of their lives?
Fact is it would castigate everyone.
I think to pigeonhole one self as genetically Gay is tantamount to admitting they have no ability to control themselves in life. if you are gay, you are gay. Get over it. LOL
Making excuses for being gay is like admitting you are defective. Why do I need an excuse to be an adult and make responsible adult decisions?

I am who I amj because I am and I do not need to make an excuse for me. If I want to masturbate, do I need an excuse now?
Gay men need to grow up and quit looking for excuses for being gay.

it's like this America! I happen to be gay, please move on to the next subject because this one is not your business, it's mine....
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Postby Social_Hell » Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:49 pm

Okamoto wrote:Oh, duh. I forgot that unit in middle school on how to be a poofter. Silly me. :P

It's funny that there are so many straight people unwilling to hear from the first-hand source that we are who we were born to be.


News Flash!!

Most straight people don't care why, how, when, or if. They already know you are gay and at that point move to subject ( B ).

Problem is gay men have this need to pusue the subject that most straight people are tired of. If I went on and on and on about how I love combat shooting in a group of femmy assed drag queens they would have the same reaction, why?? It's a subject they have ZERO/NONE/NO interest in. Thats why.. Its like the Jehovah Witness showing up and catching me outside, I don't really want to hear it, you belong to a certified CULT and I m not interested. Many straight people are afraid of being seen as rude or mean to gay people and try and change the subject because they dont give a damn. Its often gay men who shove it down their throats like so many Mormons, Jehovahs witnesses, or those guys who feel the need to tell everyone about all the super Models they scored on last week, who *$#*@# cares....

LOL


I was one of those "assunmed" straight people and OMG the gay men who have tried to convince me they were born gay and thats why was obnoxious. I am 50 years old and remember so many times gay men tried to convert me, or convince me of the gay thing.

Sometimes gay men are their own worst enemy...

.
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Postby Social_Hell » Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:57 pm

Okamoto wrote:If you were able to have women as an option, then it sounds like you're a bisexual who chooses to be with men.

I would never be able to "choose" to be with women. Their parts are so grody. No straight or gay man has ever had to make a choice because the opposite sex to which they are attracted can do nothing for them. I have never gotten hard thinking/seeing a woman like that. It's just so gross. D:

And gay men who refused to accept being gay could have forced themselves to hide who they really were from fear of rejection. It's not that farfetched of an idea. Also, alternative lifestyles weren't as accepted before my generation, so I imagine it wouldn't be as common to force oneself into a psuedo-relationship.

No one ever tried anything with me, and I'm still a virgin. I *$#*@# know I was born gay, and it's not possible to convince me otherwise. My mom even knew when I was 5, but didn't bother telling me until I came out. She didn't treat me any differently than my 3 other siblings(all of whom I assume are straight). I had a perfect frickin childhood, and I know I'm gay. >_>



My friend, you label gay men as you and most gay men scream about being labled. You fail prey to that which you hate. You try and convict me not knowing what, or who I am. You are acting like a straight person who is trying to condemn someone for being gay.

If I said I was straight and now am Gay accept it!!! Quit trying to BRAND me. I am not cattle, I am a man who chose to be gay and is frustrated that gay men are far MORE JUDGEMENTAL than the straight people they point the finger at, for being (guess what?) JUDGEMENTAL..... Do as I say and not as I do, will not convince anyone to be different...or listen either..

We can't convince people to think or act differently if we act just like them....

.
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Postby kyrio » Sun Nov 25, 2007 11:49 pm

me... i think i was destined to be gay.

the first encounter was the most wanted experience i had always dreamed of ever since my early childhood: to stay safe and sheltered in the embrace of a man.

^-^
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Postby ansc » Sat Dec 01, 2007 6:23 pm

I was born gay, and I believe most gay people are. But I also believe some people can choose to be gay. The thought of having sex with a woman does not gross me out, it just does not arouse me. When I read about gay guys that have had sex with women I think ,how?
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Postby catapult » Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:11 pm

New here. Set me straight if I'm way off. (I mean correct me or enlighten me if I'm wrong!)

I think we are born with the potential or tendencies to be gay.

I'm convinced it is not any one factor. In the end it is just karma. No one theory works. If there are exceptions, then it doesn't work. Older brother, aloof or unaffectionate father, over-bearing mother, left-handed, victim of child abuse, gay genes, whatever. It is obviously not just one or always one of those. And it seems to have been proved that those alone wouldn't make every boy gay. So there must be some predisposition, be it physical (genetic) or cosmic (karma).

From that predisposition, who knows why we like what we like and dislike what we dislike?

Some guys like only blondes, or just red heads, or just brunettes and they won't persue any other.
Some guys have a thing for short girls or tall girls, or fat girls.
Some white guys have a thing for and only want Asian girls or black girls. (And vice versa.)
And some guys like other guys. But maybe only certain types of other guys and not others.
And some girls like other girls. But maybe only certain types of other girls and not others.

I mean what's up with all of that?

What causes these preferences and behaviors? A gene? Early childhood development? Family stuff? TV? Movies? Madison Avenue (Advertising)?

Does it matter? Yeah, sorta. Or at least I am one who would like to know. Others here don't seem to care why. It just is. But I'm curious to know if my preferences have been influenced by my upbringing, early friends, tv, movies, advertising.

I guess it DOES matter to me to try to understand what has caused it so that I can fully embrace it as who I am, or decide, NO, I'm not going to be that just because of something my father did or didn't do for me.

Gays seem to come in a wide variety. Maybe each one has their own cause. Tops, bottoms, girly boys, butches, jocks, fems, bears, artsy types, rugged types, sensitive, insensitive, monogamous, sluts, cunts, true princes. I bet each type has their own origin or cause. Or karma.

This is my experience: I am gay if the guy is my VERY narrow, specific type. Honest, if he is not my type, I have NO physical desire for him at all, and I wouldn't look at him or feel any different about him than a straight guy would. What's up with that? Anyone else have that experience? That can't be a gene. There can't be a gene that dictates that you will only be gay for twinks. Or for Bears. I feel like I am only gay for one in a hundred, maybe one in a thousand guys!

But at the same time, I have to admit I have no physical desire for women - at least not enough to motivate me to be out there looking. Oh, maybe I could get interested in a certain type of woman, and if we happened to meet and spend some time together, I just might fall in love and enjoy sex with her. But as with guys, I'd only be able to fall for a very narrow, certain, specific type.

It would make more sense if we were all totally and genuinely bisexual. If we could fall in love equally with men AND women. And of course have that be the accepted norm. Now that would make more sense.
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Postby catapult » Mon Dec 24, 2007 6:28 pm

So in conclusion, I'd say I was born to be gay. That was the blueprint for this life, for whatever karmic reason. So it doesn't matter how it came to be; it was meant to be. Nature or Nurture does what it needs to do to turn out another gay one, in whatever variety that particular recipe calls for. A gene here, an aloof father there, an over-bearing mother over there, left-hands here and there. Whatever. Doesn't matter how it came together or what it took to produce the final product. Don't sweat the details. It was meant to be.

And I'm cool with that. I've finally accepted and embraced it. It's a kick actually. God's got a curve ball. And a sense of humor.

In fact I've never had a problem with it. But it just didn't fit for me at first. That is, because it wasn't acceptable and respectful, things I wanted to be, I didn't know how I could go with it. But at some point you realize it's cool - and not give a rip what others think.
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Postby andysmiffy118 » Mon Dec 24, 2007 8:53 pm


i'm gay because i am.
i tried to like women, but the fact that i was trying to, told me that it wasnt natural.
i don't understand it, i never will.
i don't want to understand it if it just causes me pain.
i'm now at the turning point of my life where i want to tell the world, and get on with it,
BUT god it feels so horrid to be shutting off the one thing that ive always wanted in my life.
comflict of morals, subconsious need, what i want, feelings and a "happy and correct ending"
lets just make it as we can, enjoy life, and dont get bogged down with understanding it.
(there are many more contemplatory questions that could be thought of)
:D im just starting to accept myself for being me, the me ive always been, and now want to be.
:D cheers :D

-andy-
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Postby Joey » Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:49 am

I had to have been born with it or somehow been affected unknowingly in some way to cause me to be gay. I have always been pretty shy, and growing up like this, experiencing high school like this, has only kept me from meeting a lot of people and doing other things I wanted to do. I'm now in college and becoming more OK with my situation, but I imagine it'd be easier to be straight.

This may sound somewhat hypocritical compared to a post I made in another thread about how, if given an option, I wouldn't change to be straight. However, since I am becoming more OK with myself, a part of me wants to experience the challenge.
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Postby Laiku » Sat Jan 12, 2008 7:30 am

I think you're pretty much born with your sexual orientation. I'm 100% not straight. As far as I remember, when I first really noticed sex (I knew of course, what sex was, we had lots of animals so it wasn't knew) I was aroused by men and women, but only in softcore films never in real live, there I was only aroused by men and to be honest, in full puberty I was horny extremely often so I'm not quite sure if it wasn't just coincidence. But since I was seventeen I think I was only sexually attracted by men. A few people (including my mother) said, that its likely that I'm actually bisexual. But as I said, I didn't noticed much in the last year so I must be at least bisexual with homosexual preference. But I don't really care, I'm to much drawn by instinct so I'm sometimes suprised myself If I find a guy attractive or not.
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Postby Laiku » Sat Jan 12, 2008 7:32 am

I miwrote something.
I ment that I didn't noticed much in the last years (7 or 8 ) not in the last year
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Real feelings, desires?

Postby catapult » Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:04 pm

Real feelings, desires?

Physically, I have the desire to penetrate and thrust. I do not desire to penetrate and thrust anally, nor do I have any desire to be penetrated. That much, I expect I share with straights. But that's where I divert.

I just do not have any desire to penetrate a woman and her vagina. I'm just not attracted to women or to a woman's body - big hair, big boobs, big hips, soft and gooey and all those frilly undergarments and straps and hooks, whatever. Why I do not desire straight sex I don't know, considering that physically and primally I feel the desire to penetrate and thrust.

So I know I am attracted to guys, but then again only certain types of guys. I'm not into big or hairy guys. I'd actually prefer the woman in that case. (Sorry Bears.) Am I still gay and just damn particular?

I only desire a cute, trim, smooth guy. If he had a vagina, I guess I'd have the best of both worlds. But I also would like that he have a dick, so if it could be interchangeable that would be even better. ;-)

So penetrating and thrusting face to face, chest to chest with a guy of my narrow type tops my fantasies if it were possible without surgery! Second would be frottage or just plain naked wrasslin' with a guy. Third would be het sex with a cute, short-haired, tomboy girl.

This makes me think my genetic and anatomical makeup is straight but that some psychological forces have shaped and changed my desire for a loved one to gay.

How do you all feel? Do you sometimes wish your BF had a slip-on temporary vagina?
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Postby LtotheP » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:38 am

In all honesty IDK.

I tend to believe that it is a mixture of (genetic and due to different process of socialization) this goes along with my general construct of how a society is formed along with "human nature".

At the same time I can go back to grade 2 and before that and defiantly pick out homosexual tendencies. I also think there might be tendencies towards girls though, but I think these might be a result of being told that over and over by my mom. I think its more likely that I just liked the girls as friends and my mom thought more for it.
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Postby rte99 » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:44 am

My dad is gay, so I'm fairly confident that it runs in my family. He and I are also both left handed.

Probably means I'll go bald, too.
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Postby Tireman » Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:39 pm

I think I can honestly say that I don't care why or how people are gay or not. I don't mean that in an arrogant way.

That being said I think it's biological in some way. :lol:
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Postby matinee » Wed Apr 23, 2008 11:20 pm

I really had no choice here. I was GAY ever since I can remember (I am sure this is a repeat).
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Postby anatole noziere » Sun May 11, 2008 2:37 am

There is a huge debate going on in the Great World out there about "Social Construction" Vs. "Essentialism." Which comes down to Postmodernism (collectivist/feminist/anti-rational) Vs. positivism/empiricism/individualism. The Pomo/feminists and effeminate men (Judith Butler, Sheila Jeffries, John Soltenberg, Michael S. Kimmel) are espousing a basically Freudian "developmental" theory of ego and gender; claiming that men are wrong and deluded in their apperception of themselves as men--because they have no such apperception of themselves and can't imagine how anybody else could. This is complicated for them by the fact that the rock on which they have anchored their social constructionist theories--Freud--has crumbled/vaporized under the attacks of Frederick Crews and others; while the French Postmodernist "Philosophy" itself that had grown out of second-hand Freudianism and "analytical Marxism," has been to all intents and purposes blown out of the water by the Sokal Affair, and by the publication of Sokal's and Brincmont's "Fashionable Nonsense." The death throes of Postmodernism are rather funny, and terribly undignified, but it should be gone (With the Wind) in another ten years or so--Leaving? Well, I suppose Rictor Norton has as lucid a grasp of the default philosophy of "Essentialism" as anybody: Google him and follow the Wikipedia link.
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