How do you know if a guy is gay?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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My guess...lol

Postby topguy » Wed Jan 02, 2008 3:01 pm

All I know is that if I meet a guy that I find to be interesting, I try get to know that guy and become his friend. I watch his eyes and try to see if looks at other guys. Also when a hot girl walks by, I watch to see if he fellow them across the room. If it’s a quick look, my guess is he’s gay. Sometime I’ll comment about how hot she is or I’ll say I wonder what kind of guy she’s into. If he says I would like it to be me, then he might be straight…lol Good luck!
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help me out.... warning long story

Postby Lancey » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:00 pm

There is a guy that at my job that i know is gay/bi but he never ever has admitted it. When he first saw me he did a double look and was very helpful ...and i imediately was wondering (gaydar intuition went off) but he was gorgeous and very masculine so i thought he was str8. A day later he came and shook my hand and introduced himself in a very mature friendly way.
Time went on and he was always friendly to me and spoke. But we really never talked like buddies. But i always felt something was there. I would talk myself out of it because he was so hot and i could not beleive he would like me. Well one day he saw me chatting with another guy (this other guy is another story in itself because he flirts with me too and is married). But he saw me joking around with this guy and he looked at me and just smiled for some reason. The next day he just came up to me and just started joking with me and playing around with me more than he ever did. Ever since that day we had a sort of fire between us. He would come visit me at my station everyday a few times a day. One day we were talking about weed. He told me he smoked it and i told him i never did( the truth). I asked him what does it do for him. He told me it gets him horny and makes him hungry. The next day he comes to me and says so when are we gonna smoke some weed lol! Why would a guy that just told me weed makes him horny then ask me to smoke weed with him...if he is str8. Remember this guy is now married as well. Then the question of when was i getting my own place would come up because at the time i had a roomate.
Over the years so many things happened that made me say this guy is gay and he likes me but i just could not believe it. He saw me talking with another guy and joking and he came up to me and later when the guy left said why are you talking to him you are mines........I was in shock it was like he was another person. I said what and he acted like he never said it. Oh and he seems to get jealous when he sees me hitting it off with another guy.
All in all i can just say there is just alot of chemistry between us and a flirty undertone in our conversations. He always brings up sex when we talk. Sex in general sex with his wife...girls...and even asks me about my sex life. I think he always knew i was gay but just played. I never could figure out why he did these things or was he just trying to find out if i would bite...if i was gay.
Eventually i told him i am gay and he said he already knew. I figured he did. This did not change anything he asked me about having a boyfriend and we talked about sex alot. Sometimes he distances himself but all and all he still seems to like me. He makes comments on my body and at one time slipped and said i use to have a nice shape. I was Wondering what the hell is he checking my body out for.. If he is str8. What is your opinion on this guy? Like i said i think he is bi and undercover but at same time can;t beleive it. And if so why have we not went further....he just flirts alot now. Sometimes he talks about how hot a certain girl is and its weird because im thinking im gay why is he telling me this especially after all the stuff thats has went on. What do you think? I think he is bi and messes around with guys on the DL every so often but thinks he is str8.
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Postby Tireman » Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:19 pm

I've learned to tell the difference between three types of stares from random guys:

1) Passing glance, they are straight, if you try to stare back at them they start to think you're weird.

2) Muscular guys checking out the competition. More than a passing glance, they are probably straight but sexuality isn't even the issue they are just comparing your body with theirs. If you stare too long they will think you're weird.

3) Gay stare. The secret long glance you get, either in public or in a suana when you're surrounded by creepy old men. Almost certainly gay and you should pursue. If you stare too long they will want to hookup, especially if you're in a sauna.


As for alcohol, I don't know how useful it really is. I'm not out and I've never slipped so far, even when I've blacked out (unless all my friends just haven't told me). At the same time though, my friends aren't secretly assessing my sexuality so I'm not in as much danger.
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Postby Phoenix6570 » Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:36 pm

I must be lacking in the gaydar department, as I never seem to really have any hints about who's gay or not. My best guess is to see how guys look at other guys. If they stare into the guys eyes as they're walking by or really check them out for a while then probably they're gay. I can only base this off of my own behavior when walking around and checking out other guys.
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Postby Tireman » Sat Apr 26, 2008 8:39 pm

If they're gay they catch your gaze and hold it. There's a certain look in their eyes that gives it away.
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Postby Screamer » Mon Apr 28, 2008 10:02 pm

I don't give long looks and aren't the type to get the long-look attention from the fellas, so I haven't got all this figured out yet. Strange sauna guys I've seen, but they didn't do anything in my direction.
"I'm in the mood for love, simply because you're near me"
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Postby Tireman » Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:07 pm

Screamer wrote:I don't give long looks and aren't the type to get the long-look attention from the fellas, so I haven't got all this figured out yet. Strange sauna guys I've seen, but they didn't do anything in my direction.
I only know it because I've spent the last few years trying to live on the dl, (trying is the keyword here). If you get the sauna guys attention they WILL go for you regardless of what you look like.
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Postby selective_soldier » Sat May 03, 2008 12:25 pm

The Long Lusty Greedy stare at hot guys & trying to hide the stare.ImageImage
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Postby Tireman » Sat May 03, 2008 4:59 pm

selective_soldier wrote: The Long Lusty Greedy stare at hot guys & trying to hide the stare.ImageImage


haha, yeah. Its something like that
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Postby HoosierFuzz » Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:36 am

All I know is that my "gaydar" sucks! I only seem to know if a guy is gay if he is rather obviously gay. The problem is, that is not the kind of man that I am attracted to, and not the kind of guy I really hang out with.
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Postby dracuscalico » Sat Nov 08, 2008 1:33 pm

Schlodesss wrote:
buccoman wrote:Okay, let's look at this in reverse....No one EVER seems to know I'm gay. Straight folk never even believe me when I tell them. What am I doing "wrong?"


Tell me about it, I just had that happen yet again the other day at work.

As for just asking someone flat out if they are gay.. I wouldn't. It just seems way to invasive. But this made me think of something..

It's funny as there seems to be this double standard. It's mostly ok for a straight girl to aske me out on a date... what I mean is.. mostly i'm flattered that she would choose me, but well, I want men so.. and most other Gay guys I know or Lesbians for that matter too... we don't get all butt hurt over something like being asked out by a straight person that isn't aware we are infact into the same sex, not opposite..

But when a gay person makes the mistake of even just HINTING to a straight person [well, i'm saying we don't really know if they are straight. I mean,.., they are single.. so our minds we're hoping....] about maybe liking them or wanting to go on a date, it's very very rare that the straight person isn't all put out, mad, freaked out, etc. Few of them react with the "I'm flattered but no thanks, i'm not i to that.." and instead they stop speaking to you, or act "on guard" when you are near them. It's like it permanently ruins things between you and the person.

Why is this? I'm for the most part flattered, yet, disappointed when I get asked out by a chick. So, I wonder why... when I developed a crush on my one friend Craig a few years back... and after a year and a half of becoming good friends, staying there till the sun came up just watchin TV and BS'ing all night, etc.. I told him I was Gay.. and kinda dropped hints about liking him, he was NOT impressed whatsoever.. almost mad. The friendship ended because of it... I still think of him to this day too.. [liked him alot].

I dunno, just seems like it's ok for "them" but not "us". But I should be used to that by now as that's the way it is..... it's [it's = Gay] NOT OK. [for other stuff too if yer Gay, not just asking someone out who happens to be straight]


The reason straights are offended when someone gay comes on to them is they feel like the person is INSINUATING that they are too and they feel put on the spot. They also wonder if your friendship was for real or if it was all just a plan to get in their pants, so there is a feeling of betrayal of trust.

A less threatening way of putting it might be to "acknowledge their straightness" with something along the lines of, "I know you're straight, but if I could meet a gay version of you...", "Can I clone a gay version of you?" Or leave the word GAY out of it and say, "I know YOU'RE not into guys, but if I met someone like you who was...." , "Do you know any guys who are similar to you, except they like guys? And if you do, can you fix me up?"

If you allow the guy "plausible deniability", it gives him room to breathe and think, for all you know he COULD be interested, but if the approach is too direct it can scare them off. After all, the goal isn't to LABEL the interest, but to determine how much interest is actually there.
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Postby PhillyAgenda » Wed Nov 26, 2008 6:21 pm

HoosierFuzz wrote:All I know is that my "gaydar" sucks! I only seem to know if a guy is gay if he is rather obviously gay. The problem is, that is not the kind of man that I am attracted to, and not the kind of guy I really hang out with.

Well this is also my problem. If it wasn't for the net (and even that hasn't gone so well), I'd have no idea how to go about meeting other masculine guys.

All this talk about eye contact is making me think about this guy I knew in school who would stare directly into my eyes for what seemed like a long time whenever we were talking. A possible missed opportunity.
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Postby GX » Sun Nov 30, 2008 2:57 pm

Mannerisms would be the first way to tell.

Then you have the types that you can't tell by mannerism, but you can when they talk.

Staring is yeah, another way though not always accurate...but there are not many ways to pick out the attractive non-queeny homos other than by asking if they prefer sausage or clam. Staring could mean the person is thinking about rolling you and running off with your wallet, the person might recognize you and is trying to remember where from, or he wants to nail you(or vice versa).

Clothing and jewelry can also give away homos, though again that is not so accurate in the current times where straight men dress like fags.
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Postby dracuscalico » Sun Nov 30, 2008 9:02 pm

The social rejection thing is devastating though if you make a mistake in coming on to a guy and he tells you with the slightest bit of indignance that he is straight. You feel like a fool AND a loser for picking up on the wrong type of guy and if it is someone you already associate with on an ongoing basis, they have the upper hand and gloat because you wanted them and they'll try to jerk your chain, from that point forward, just to be a tease.

It's a lot easier to flirt when you don't actually mean it, than when you're emotionally invested in the outcome. Some straight guys get a kick out of toying with a gay guy, like teasing a desperate puppy, and then turning them down. Sometimes guys flirt just to smoke someone out that they suspected was gay and they may have even bet their straight buddies, in advance, that they could get a response out of you to prove it. Then there's always the entrapment thing that cops do to get a guy to tip his hand.

It's difficult to come up with any secret codes like wearing something on this side or that side, because the whole world is paying attention to that kind of stuff trying to figure out if every guy is gay now, plus the sissies are giving away all the secrets to the whole world, putting everyone else in jeopardy.

Perhaps the thing might be to spot clues and drop SUBTLE hints, that aren't enough to incriminate you or express an opinion about something somewhat related and see how they respond. Leading or open ended questions always work to indicate you are at least interested in them as an individual and warms them up enough to feel comfortable with you, which would be the first step in them wanting something more if the interest is mutual.

The other thing that I have experienced, is that people might find me interesting but it doesn't mean they are INTERESTED in a sexual way. They often just think you would be a cool guy to be buddies with. I have found this out, the hard way, a few times at first and the smart subtle way thereafter. I have this strategy of not trying to connect with guys that I would ever have to interact with during the course of my normal life should it not go anywhere. I used to work out at one gym and use a gym on the other side of town to try to meet guys, so if there was any fallout, it wouldn't affect my normal day to day life.

One of the things that works is really thinking like a hunter and evaluate them like prey, watching closely how they react to your presence. If they come near you but don't look AT you, and unconsciously start preening or displaying themselves by making sure to turn this way or that way to give you a good look, while still NOT looking at you, they are interested.

I met a buffed and tough Asian streetfighter at the gym that way. He did not in any way fit the Asian stereotypes so I thought he was absolutely straight UNTIL the unconscious display tactics happenned. I deliberately let him see that I was looking at him, but did it in a nonsexual way. He eventually came over and asked to work in with me on a piece of equipment. I didn't indicate sexual interest but said we should do a workout together sometime. We got together for a workout then dinner then hung out at my place. No leading conversation in anyway. When he was getting ready to leave, I gave him a full body hug and his tough exterior melted. He said, "I was afraid that you were probably straight and didn't like me". We started seeing each other from that point forward. Even though he told me was interested the moment he walked onto the gym floor, had I been too forward or abrupt it would have scared him off completely. Masculine "hard to detect" guys need to feel comfortable that you are not going to do anything overt that would compromise their discretion.
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Postby PhillyAgenda » Sun Nov 30, 2008 9:29 pm

very interesting post ^
The social rejection thing is devastating though if you make a mistake in coming on to a guy and he tells you with the slightest bit of indignance that he is straight. You feel like a fool AND a loser for picking up on the wrong type of guy and if it is someone you already associate with on an ongoing basis, they have the upper hand and gloat because you wanted them and they'll try to jerk your chain, from that point forward, just to be a tease.

Well put. Definitely a reason why I am so reserved in public. I can't even imagine coming onto a guy who I wasn't sure was into other guys. Rejection in general is bad enough. But that's just a nightmare.
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Postby dracuscalico » Sun Nov 30, 2008 10:03 pm

I know someone who came on to a guy he knew only professionally in real life at a gay bar and asked him to dance and the guy said to him, "WHAT? Are you gay?" Turned out the guy was straight and it was his first time there because his girlfriend wanted to see the female impersonators. Totally humiliating and professionally compromising for the person I know who made an honest mistake in a gay bar where it should have been safe to come on to anyone.

Gay bars used to be a safe place where masculine guys would go to meet guys, but that was when the bars were all male and guys kept their mouths shut. As soon as gay bars became a straight woman's playground, all that went to Hell. Now guys are afraid to go to gay bars because they'll get outed or emotionally blackmailed by any women who might recognize them as well as potential conflicts with the straight males the women bring "slumming" with them.
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First Post ----> How could you possibly know?

Postby BadBoy220 » Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:55 pm

Maybe he noticed you were looking at him ?

and therefore made him paranoid so he began looking at you to see if you were looking at him . . . .

There is no definite ways of knowing unless he mentally undresses you :shock:
"If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I'm not frightened by anyone's perception of me." - Angelina Jolie
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Postby chidiver » Tue Feb 03, 2009 10:07 am

Owning an iPhone is a big red flag.
Homosexuality is like duck hunting. Interesting only to those who practice it, and for those who want to stop it.
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Postby michaelk69 » Tue Feb 03, 2009 10:10 am

chidiver wrote:Owning an iPhone is a big red flag.


lol ... not in the UK . . . EVERYone in London seems to have one . . .

(except me, that is!)
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Postby olywaguy » Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:05 am

A guy is gay if most of his friends/best friends are women.

Only gay guys wear belts.
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Postby edu999 » Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:00 am

olywaguy wrote:Only gay guys wear belts.


In what planet?
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Postby chidiver » Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:18 am

olywaguy wrote: Only gay guys wear belts.


I wear a belt because I'm fat. :?
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Postby Daknee » Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:38 am

olywaguy wrote:A guy is gay if most of his friends/best friends are women.

Only gay guys wear belts.


Speaking for myself, this is true for me. Even back in the day when I was in denial. I knew I had way more women friend than men but I tried to tell myself it was because I'm so good looking. :lol:
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Postby Cajun » Wed Feb 04, 2009 4:09 pm

olywaguy wrote:Only gay guys wear belts.


I wear a belt so that I can do as Nancy said and "Just say no to crack" :P
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Postby Cajun » Wed Feb 04, 2009 4:11 pm

If you want to know if a guy is gay, stop by McDonald's and order a small fries. Then sift through them and find the longest one, get where he can see you, and slowly maneuver the fry down your throat whilst making eye contact with him - you'll have your answer in a short amount of time - trust me :wink:
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