Any tips for showing your gayness?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

Moderators: selective_soldier, furface

Low on the gaydar

Postby jumpingjellybean » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:03 am

A good amount of the gay guys that I know have told me that they thought that I was straight before I told them.
Another mentioned to me that I'm low on the gaydar.

Is that okay? Does that diminish me being gay?

I just hope that I'm not mistaken over myself being gay.

I know that I'm sexually and romantically attracted to guys and I crush on guys often.
I fantasize about them sexually as well.

Has anyone else here had to deal with similar things?

Thanks... I just want to feel more at ease with myself.
jumpingjellybean
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 11:50 pm

Low on the gaydar

Postby jumpingjellybean » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:11 am

Sometimes I talk to some gay guys and they don't realize that I'm gay until I tell them.
They did not think that I was gay. They thought that I was straight. I'm 19 by the way.
I've lived in a repressive religious environment at home.
One gay guy told me that I'm low on the gaydar.

However I know that I'm exclusively attracted to guys.
I only crush and sexually fantasize about guys since 14-15 years of age.
Never a girl.

Have any of you ever dealt with this? Any advice?
jumpingjellybean
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 11:50 pm

Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby jumpingjellybean » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:12 am

I need something to help my gayness show as I'm low on the gaydar.
Any tips?
jumpingjellybean
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 11:50 pm

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby furface » Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:44 pm

Administrator's Note:

These three posts have been merged into a single topic as they are related.

End Administrator's Note


JJB: Don't worry about it much. Some of us have excellent 'gaydar' and some of us have none at all. Also don't fret if'n some of the family don't pick ya out in a line up. I been asked more'n oncet Ya know this is a gay bar? by well-meanin' barkeeps who thunk I wandered into their establishment by mistake. Hell, I've been asked to leave one or two cause they believed I was straight.

Just be yourself - period!! While there could be some confusion, most of us know the denizens of gay places are more'n likely family and act accordingly. I've seldom encountered a straight guy in a gay venue who took umbrage at being flirted with. Sides it's a waste of a heap of energy to continuous act to be somethin' ya ain't.

With time, a bit of work, and a pinch of luck y'all find someone ya need to be with and him with you.

Y'all be good to yourself, now. Ya hear!!
"Do not ascribe malice to that which can be reasonably explained by ignorance ... or incompetence."
Isaac Asimov
User avatar
furface
Site Admin
 
Posts: 1175
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2004 7:35 pm
Location: The Colony, TX

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby Earl Butz » Mon Oct 25, 2010 6:49 am

Try saying "fabulous" alot. :P

Just act normal. Flaming queens are a stereotype. Gay people come in all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life. Blaze a trail and be whatever you're comfortable being.
A hard man is good to find!
User avatar
Earl Butz
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1370
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:51 am
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby SigEpLaxer » Fri Oct 29, 2010 2:03 pm

Wouldn't worry about it dude.

But, if you really want to gay up your behavior, check out this book, "The Gay Manual". It's a poke at being gay, but a lot of what they talk about in there will help you act "more gay". Which I still don't understand. :)
User avatar
SigEpLaxer
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 4:04 pm
Location: Baltimore, MD

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby nimby » Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:17 am

Wear a really strange haircut, your clothes three sizes too small, and wave your hands around a lot. That should do it. :D
"Why do we have asteroids in the hemisphere and hemmorroids in the a$$ ? "
User avatar
nimby
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 2906
Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 3:35 pm
Location: Toronto, ON

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby madsglen » Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:51 am

You'll score some princess points if you can get the "clutch the pearls" mannerism down, I suppose. And I'd say you've arrived if someone tells you "that's so gay" and means it...

Seriously, though, please don't fall into the trap of thinking that you have to do or act any way but what's natural for you. If you feel you need to advertise a bit, OK. But don't think it's necessary to be anyting but yourself. Just because you don't set everyone's gaydar pinging like a pinball machine doesn't mean anything's wrong with you. Sometimes good things are hard to find. Know what I mean "jellybean"? (Sorry, just had to go there... :wink: )
The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek - Joseph Campbell
User avatar
madsglen
Member
 
Posts: 410
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2005 1:40 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby Learning » Mon Nov 01, 2010 7:53 am

You don't need to make yourself fit stereotypes, but you do need to show your interest in guys. You can show interest by what you look at, touch, talk to, and say. Context can also make a difference in what people notice. People notice different things about people depending on where they are and who they are with.
Learning
Member
 
Posts: 201
Joined: Thu Mar 26, 2009 5:37 pm

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby Marvinteck » Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:50 pm

Im pretty low on the gaydar as well. Its sorta nice. My wardrobe is t-shirt and jeans. I drive a beat up old 1986 F150 pickup truck and work at an electrical/plumbing/HVAC contractor company. My coworkers still dont know Im gay and I choose to keep it like that. I act natural and be myself.

Tips on showing your gayness?
:shock: Stare at other guys non stop till they get paranoid and ask "do you have a problem?" then say "Oh nothing".
:lol: Giggle like a little school girl.
:cry: Cry when you hear a sad song come on the radio or when you break a nail.
:wink: Wink at random strange guys and ask "How yooooou doing big boy?" in your best NY accent.
:x Get mad when somebody insults you by saying your shoes clash with the dress that you are wearing.
:) Talk about how much you like cock to everybody you meet.
8) Dress like you should be on the cover of GQ magazine
:mrgreen: Start dancing around and singing along every time you hear the song "Its Raining Men"

Sorry I couldnt be of more help. Seriously though just act like yourself and make small changes if you see fit and not because you think you are not acting or looking gay enough. For example I would like to update my wardrobe and start dressing nicer. Also I would like to trade my gas guzzling truck in for a PT Cruiser. I wish to make these changes because I want to improve myself and not because I think I am not gay enough. Im trying broaden my horizons but not lose who I am in the process. Try different stuff out and see what fits you as a person. Life would be boring if we as gay people all drove the same car, wore the same clothes, talked the same, liked the same sports team, voted for the same political candidate, etc.......
Marvinteck
Newbie
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2010 12:08 pm

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby olywaguy » Thu Nov 04, 2010 9:54 pm

There are manly ways to show a guy that you like him.

* Elevator Eyes: check him out from head to toe and toe to head.

* Find excuses to touch him like a pat on the back or on his shoulder.

* The other day, when I was talking to a guy I kind of like, I shook his hand.
When I said good-bye to him, I shook his hand with my right hand and
placed my hand on his bicep with my left hand. :mrgreen:
There have been a couple of times when I patted him on the back too. :D

* If you play baseball and football, there is an opportunity to pat a guy's butt. :twisted: :mrgreen:
Carlos

"I just want to suck his tongue out of his mouth !"--JPaul


http://www.askcarlos.com/
http://carlos-the-critic.blogspot.com/
User avatar
olywaguy
Moderator
 
Posts: 1672
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 1:08 pm
Location: Tupelo, Mississippi

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby PhillyAgenda » Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:16 pm

Yeah I get the low on the gaydar thing as well, but I honestly wouldn't try to change my mannerisms in order to attract a guy. I think olywaguy has a good point there. A little physical contact here and there might actually help in some cases. There's a guy I work with who I've sort of become friends with, I really like him, but I'm being as cautious as I can while still being really friendly with him. He might actually be straight and not straight acting (Which would suck so much seeing as how I've already got a huge crush on this guy). But I always try to strike up conversations with him, make eye contact all the time, crack little jokes here and there. He's kind of quiet but he's warmed up to me pretty well (he's been to my apartment once to watch a movie). Still haven't gotten around to a conversation about women/girlfriends etc. for some reason to see if there's any chance but that's definitely on my to do list. We just don't see each other often enough since our schedules are so different and I'm trying real hard not to come off as a stalker. I honestly don't know what to make of this guy yet, but I'll keep trying to find excuses to see him outside of work.
PhillyAgenda
Member
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2008 2:18 pm
Location: Philly

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby Phoenix6570 » Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:34 pm

I think the best thing to try would be to smile at guys frequently. Try to maintain eye contact while doing so. Also Olywaguy had some great tips. Finding small ways to touch a guy is a great way to hint at your sexuality.
"As long as a person doesn't admit he's defeated, he is not defeated-- he's just a little behind, and isn't through fighting" ~ Darrel Royal
User avatar
Phoenix6570
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 613
Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 11:33 pm
Location: Chester, New York

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby Mac59 » Sat May 21, 2011 8:50 pm

I agree, buddy. Just be 'yourself'. The popular belief is that all gay men flame. Untrue. While I do believe all gay men have their tiaras, how we wear them is as individual as the number of gay men who have one. A big fear of "coming out" for me was and I think alot of gay men is the fear that they will "turn gay" once they come out. Meaning, gone will be the masculine qualities that now keeps you low on the gaydar. That could happen if what you learn about gay culuture rings true for you and you gravitate to such a persona. But, there are just too many of us that learn, experience, live the gay idenity and still maintian a healthy does of masculine qualities. What will happen is that you will become aware of gay culture, that happens to all of us. Many of us learn to what is appropriate at any given time. You will learn that the 'high fives" you give to your buddies at the gym aren't necessarily what you will do when you're around a group of gay men in a gay setting, an affectionate hug may be what you give. You will learn you can do both, and that both are part of your makeup. You're not straight, so don't worry about not always feeling you're the butch dude, but you are a young man, you will know when being butch is what you need to be. "Butch", that's a gay term..lol, you don't hear str8 guys using that term, see what I mean.

Some gay men may critique your "manly" behavior as being in "denial" 'being something you're not", pass them off, and move on to guys who accept you for who you are. If you don't give off gay vibes like a torch from Lady Liberty, so be it. If you find you have a bright flame, you'll learn when to let it shine. The only persona you need is your own and the fact you aren't chasing after women is the only "behavior" needed to get yourself clocked by any gaydar. I find that in many situations, all that is needed is "the look", that 'connection' you make with a singular, inconnent, "Look". If at age 50, you decided to start flipping your wrist, so be it. However, you proceed, be yourself, be confident, be your own "Man".

Mac
Mac59
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 8:11 pm

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby Gaydudelaf » Sun May 22, 2011 4:44 pm

Mac59 wrote:I agree, buddy. Just be 'yourself'. The popular belief is that all gay men flame. Untrue. While I do believe all gay men have their tiaras, how we wear them is as individual as the number of gay men who have one. A big fear of "coming out" for me was and I think alot of gay men is the fear that they will "turn gay" once they come out. Meaning, gone will be the masculine qualities that now keeps you low on the gaydar. That could happen if what you learn about gay culuture rings true for you and you gravitate to such a persona. But, there are just too many of us that learn, experience, live the gay idenity and still maintian a healthy does of masculine qualities. What will happen is that you will become aware of gay culture, that happens to all of us. Many of us learn to what is appropriate at any given time. You will learn that the 'high fives" you give to your buddies at the gym aren't necessarily what you will do when you're around a group of gay men in a gay setting, an affectionate hug may be what you give. You will learn you can do both, and that both are part of your makeup. You're not straight, so don't worry about not always feeling you're the butch dude, but you are a young man, you will know when being butch is what you need to be. "Butch", that's a gay term..lol, you don't hear str8 guys using that term, see what I mean.

Some gay men may critique your "manly" behavior as being in "denial" 'being something you're not", pass them off, and move on to guys who accept you for who you are. If you don't give off gay vibes like a torch from Lady Liberty, so be it. If you find you have a bright flame, you'll learn when to let it shine. The only persona you need is your own and the fact you aren't chasing after women is the only "behavior" needed to get yourself clocked by any gaydar. I find that in many situations, all that is needed is "the look", that 'connection' you make with a singular, inconnent, "Look". If at age 50, you decided to start flipping your wrist, so be it. However, you proceed, be yourself, be confident, be your own "Man".

Mac


True, but also don't wait until you are middle aged, even if you are in the closet, to seek out relationships. Its possible to do that and be discrete.
------------------------------------------------------
Chip
http://www.myspace.com/chip_council
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id= ... ef=profile
"Bring back the Frozen Chicken Position (FCP)"
User avatar
Gaydudelaf
Member
 
Posts: 427
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 9:21 am
Location: Yuma, AZ

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby Learning » Mon May 30, 2011 5:50 am

Mac59 wrote: The popular belief is that all gay men flame. Untrue...Some gay men may critique your "manly" behavior as being in "denial" 'being something you're not", pass them off, and move on to guys who accept you for who you are...However, you proceed, be yourself, be confident, be your own "Man".
Mac


Good points. A person's style and a person's sexual interests are two different things. You should be free to act in the style that fits for you and what you want to accomplish. Interests come through in who someone looks at, talks with, touches, hangs out with, and treats certain people, not in how effeminate someone is.
Learning
Member
 
Posts: 201
Joined: Thu Mar 26, 2009 5:37 pm

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby olywaguy » Mon May 30, 2011 12:55 pm

What I don't like are gay people who force a style of behavior onto someone new to the gay life...like as if the only way you are truly gay is if you behave in an effeminate way, buy certain brands of clothes, etc. To these people, if you behave in a masculine style you are denying your "true" self. You are being hypocritical, etc.

Of course, what they don't know is that we are all different and have have a different style of behavior that is different from them. We are who we are whether we behave in a masculine or feminine way. If that is who they are, then that's who you are. However, I do resent anyone pointing their scrawny little finger at me and telling me I am not being who I am. I also don't like guys who are dishonest and behave masculine when you meet them and as soon as you are not in front of people, they behave in a feminine...now, that's dishonest!!

Just be who you are and continue doing the things that you like to do. Gay is just a small part of who you are, it is not your whole being.
Carlos

"I just want to suck his tongue out of his mouth !"--JPaul


http://www.askcarlos.com/
http://carlos-the-critic.blogspot.com/
User avatar
olywaguy
Moderator
 
Posts: 1672
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 1:08 pm
Location: Tupelo, Mississippi

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby David » Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:30 am

Standing in a gay bar always works for me.
David
Newbie
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 8:36 am
Location: East Coast

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby edu999 » Mon Jun 06, 2011 7:25 pm

David wrote:Standing in a gay bar always works for me.



LOL
User avatar
edu999
Moderator
 
Posts: 680
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 2:31 am
Location: SF Bay Area, CA

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby olywaguy » Mon Jun 06, 2011 8:27 pm

David wrote:Standing in a gay bar always works for me.


Nice to hear from you David...it's been a while. What have you been up to lately?
Carlos

"I just want to suck his tongue out of his mouth !"--JPaul


http://www.askcarlos.com/
http://carlos-the-critic.blogspot.com/
User avatar
olywaguy
Moderator
 
Posts: 1672
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 1:08 pm
Location: Tupelo, Mississippi

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby David » Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:08 am

I've been up to the usual stuff. Randomly appearing like a one-liner troll on here, despite my deep history and love for this site. :)
David
Newbie
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 8:36 am
Location: East Coast

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby furface » Tue Jun 07, 2011 11:07 am

David wrote:Standing in a gay bar always works for me.

I remember y'all doin' just dat in the center of the Eagle here in Dallas followed a'most immediately by ya sayin' "Don't let them touch me!" Maybe the eau d'leather and stale beer was havin' the wrong effect. :wink: :lol:
"Do not ascribe malice to that which can be reasonably explained by ignorance ... or incompetence."
Isaac Asimov
User avatar
furface
Site Admin
 
Posts: 1175
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2004 7:35 pm
Location: The Colony, TX

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby tidak-apa » Sun Jun 12, 2011 12:14 pm

The only thing that sucks about being low on a gaydar is that it is extremely hard to meet with another gay man
tidak-apa
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:38 am

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby DeckApe » Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:08 am

That it does. I haven't found a way to combat it, but given that I'm in a relationship that looks like it's going to be the long haul, I'm not too worried anymore.
DeckApe
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1675
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 5:52 pm
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Any tips for showing your gayness?

Postby batty » Mon Mar 26, 2012 9:26 pm

At a traffic light the other day and noticed the car in front of me with a thin decal/strip across the bumper with a rainbow flag.

I forgot these things even existed. I remember in the late '90s/early '00s those decals would show up once in a while. I guess that's one way of showing your gayness...

For some reason though, the sticker felt out of place, a relic from another era (which, in all fairness, I never really knew/lived through)... not unlike those who have a confederate flag as a bumper sticker.
batty
Moderator
 
Posts: 166
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:05 am
Location: Vancouver, BC

Next

Return to Straight Acting Men

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron