Where the Straight-Acting Hide

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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Where the Straight-Acting Hide

Postby westboard » Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:56 pm

Sometimes it feels like you're the only one around. I'm havin the darnedest time trying to find (or even just coming across) other straight acting men, that it sometimes feels like i'm the only one around for miles. But what I'd LIKE to believe is that there are more of us out there than meets the untrained eye. So what i hope to accomplish with this post is to create a database of where us straight acting guys "hide" at. Hopefully it'll open a window into the lifestyle of other guys like us to help us realize how NOT alone we actually are in our residual environments.

I'll first give a background on how i am and why i "hide" and then let you guys know where i "hide."

[Background]
So i'm straight acting (i mean, duh thats why im here) so i carry myself like any other straight guy. The only people that know i'm gay are those that i tell personally since i don't walk around introducing myself "hey I'm Bill, and oh by the way i'm gay." I usually disclose that info to people i've known for a while. But if i don't personally know you, chances are you won't know i'm gay. People i definitely do NOT tell are older generation family members and authoritative personnel at work. So im kinda closeted, kinda open.

[Locations]
I'm not a club/bar/party animal kinda person nor am i interested in theater. I do participate and help run 2 LGBT student organizations at my school where i met the majority of the gay people i know, but i'm practically the only straight acting guy there, everyone else is pretty camp. Being a graduate student in Microbiology, i help run the student Biology Club, have not met one gay guy in this department (so maybe i'd like to think gays in the science department are also straight acting...which makes them difficult to spot). There was that one guy in my Mammalian Physiology class i caught staring at me all the time, but one of my friends told me he just had a staring problem...he was really cute tho, shame. I work as a receptionist at a dental office, i hear from people that male receptionists tend to be gay but i'm not sure how true that statement is. While i'm not working or schoolin i'm hanging out with my main friends (all straight guys & girls). We're an active group of people and we often go snowboarding, hiking, camping, spelunking, biking, paintballing, tennis, beach volleyball. I go skateboarding with a group of guys at my school about once a week, i go out surfing with a buddy at least once a week, and once every month my city has an event called Bike Party where thousands of ppl gather and bike a designated route around the city, it's fun as hell. I'd love to meet another outdoorsy guy, but man everyone out there seems to be straight (but MAYBE...they're just straight acting...

i dunno, what do y'all think? Sometimes you feel like you're the only one around too? What are your usual hangout spots?
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Re: Where the Straight-Acting Hide

Postby Phoenix6570 » Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:04 pm

I used to feel that way but I don't really anymore. I've encountered enough people out there to prove me wrong; it just takes time and more importantly patience. I have no issues with bars/clubs but never go to them. I'm always hanging out with my friends at one of there houses so I don't get around other people that often.
"As long as a person doesn't admit he's defeated, he is not defeated-- he's just a little behind, and isn't through fighting" ~ Darrel Royal
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Re: Where the Straight-Acting Hide

Postby PhillyAgenda » Wed Sep 15, 2010 12:14 am

I still do feel like I'm the only one around sometimes even though I know that I'm not. And I don't meet new people that often, I'm more of a homebody type. My closest friends are straight, and they're homebodies too for the most part, so my hangout spot is usually their house. Although we're getting a place together soon, so then who knows.

There are obviously quite a few straight acting guys out there, spotting them is the problem. Honestly if it wasn't for the manhunt type sites, I would never have met anyone by now.
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Re: Where the Straight-Acting Hide

Postby LiteratureGeek » Thu Sep 30, 2010 11:18 pm

Hello neighbor.

I know what you mean, though I have to qualify that by also mentioning that I'm a nerd, not really a man's-man. That said, gay nerds are severely underrepresented in the media, both mainstream and gay, which may have to do with the assumption that nerds are just introverted straight guys or even asexual. Only one girl in high school ever guessed that I was gay and it was because I never had a girl friend during all four years. Everybody else just assumed I was too shy (I also wasn't out yet, so I suppose things might have been different if I'd had a boyfriend). The way I see it, I'm sort of a gay ninja; nobody knows that I'm in the closet until I suddenly come out. And throw ninja stars.

In response to your inquiry of where to find straight acting men, a fair few are in the Santa Cruz Gay and Bisexual Men's Hiking Group (http://schikers.org/). Going on hikes with those guys I was exposed to gay men who run the gamut from very masculine to feminine, although it's a little reductive to limit their traits to a single dimension. For example, one guy has a pretty effeminate voice but was a volunteer firefighter who fought on the front lines of wild fires.

Other than that, I've had the same experience as you with every other organization I've tried. Most gay orgs are geared towards the more effeminate guys, which I don't have a problem with, it's just that I don't see my interests reflected in many places. There also seems to be a simmering disdain for that which is geeky among the gay hipster set, like a lot of the people from my Alma Mater, but that is a trait shared by their straight counterparts too.

As a matter of fact, I believe that individuals in a group of gay men tend to default to the aggregate personality (i.e. a group with a lot of effeminate men will have a feminine bent, and vice versa). I say this because, with the hiking group, I do feel a slight pressure to be more mainstream gay, if such a thing exists. We do talk about "guy" things, but there is also a fair amount of talk about celebrities, bathhouses and drug use, things which I have no experience with. Of course, it could also be a generational thing since I am about ten years younger than the oldest guy I've met there. And, again, I'm a nerd, so YMMV.

I guess the point I'm making is that a group of gay men will attract the sorts of guys who like doing the activity the group centers around, and certain types of personality tend to gravitate towards certain activities.

Take heart westboard, our brothers hide in many places.
HA CHA!
<disappears in a puff of smoke>
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Re: Where the Straight-Acting Hide

Postby Schlodesss » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:35 am

Over the years I have met a few, not many.
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Re: Where the Straight-Acting Hide

Postby Xpat » Mon Dec 06, 2010 6:30 pm

I seem to have the same issue. And then when you do meet someone are they really straight or straight-acting and how embarassing to find out they are straight and have absolutely no interest in you. HAHAHA.
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