Is it Me, or...?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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Is it Me, or...?

Postby Anima/Ex/Rex » Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:46 pm

Hey guys!! Im really at my wits end here with this. Im an proud, intense, passionate, intellectual, romantic 21 year old guy.... and I LOVE being gay, but I have trouble letting these qualities out, because I feel 'uncomfortable' with letting the best parts of my personality out because I'm a passionate guy, and if I open my mouth about something it means a GREAT deal to me, but I can't seem to get guys to see me beyond my body, and frankly I'm pretty sick of being treated like a dildo. I want the kind of love that rips past the Bullshit, and appearances....the kind where you come face to face with that person at the core level....that old skool love you kno? lol Maybe it's due to the fact that this is just a different day and age, and with the times being what they are, I guess 'love' is really out of style....because of my intensity, I have a hard time, 'softening' up because things are really quite Black and White for me in terms of my feelings, also I know all the games, and bullshit guys try to run, to get with you for 1 NITE ONLY, and seriously, if your offering it up for one nite, chances are, it's not that good anyway...lol Guys, I need help, is it me, or are gay men scared of love?
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Re: Is it Me, or...?

Postby furface » Tue Jun 15, 2010 9:24 pm

Rex; Hate to say it, son; but it's mostly you. :wink: If ya can't or won't make conversation, all folks see is a pretty face on a killer body (gratuitous assumption, I know).

Listen to a ole dawg (I's 3 times your age!).

Nothin' wrong with being passionate, and there are things that are black and white; but there's a whole heap o' gray shaded stuff as well. And it's very possible to disagree (even profoundly) and not be disagreeable.

Learn to converse about real, regular stuff, i.e., weather, old films, classic TV shows, Levi vs Wrangler, cars/trucks/cycles, etc. Not every conversation requires an attempt to solve the world's problems and define the course of history. Sometimes ya just want to pass the time and talk trash.

That old school kinda love still exists, but... It ain't at first sight. It takes time to develop, ya have to actually get to know the person. That's why ya have to have some social skills and actually date. I know; it's happened to me twice't. First husbear and I were together for 11 years, couple for 10. I s'pect we'd still be together if he hadn't been killed on his damn Harley. Second one, Chris, has been the love of my life for 6+ years now. I fully expect this will end when one of us archives room temperature. Neither of those monogamous LTRs was/is easy. It's a constant struggle, give/take, to make it work. Relationships are hard work.
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Re: Is it Me, or...?

Postby butch » Tue Jun 15, 2010 11:55 pm

It's you. You have high expectations in a vicious world. Your dilemma is a common one. You don't have a lot of experience but it's not your age. The young fall in love at the drop of a hat and fall out of love just as quickly. It's a matter of luck and getting yourself out there in the pond.

It's just fine to have ideals and standards, but looking for Mr. Magical Perfect mate/companion/lover is a chase many are on. Just be you and there will be someone out there and you just might find him. Meanwhile, date guys you like and get to know a variety of gay types so build your experience. It takes time to get to know what someone is REALLY like so be prepared to take some chances. There's someone out there for everyone and you may get lucky... or maybe not.

Where you live (what city) will have a big difference... some cities have more gay men so there's a better chance of catching a fish as it were... you don't indicate where you live.

Old school love is a kind of romantic notion or myth from the movies and romantic novels... it happens, then reality sets in. REAL love takes time to happen. Most mistake lust for love. Relationships are work once the sex is out of the way. I'm not saying it (romantic love and all) doesn't happen sometimes, but it's a matter of luck really and it may not turn out to be what you thought once you get the lights back on and out of bed. When you have to decide who cleans the toilet and who does the dishes it loses some of the glamour.

It's been said over, and over and over... just be the honest you that you are then there will be no surprises for the other person. And we have no idea what kind of guy you like... I doubt it's what I like or that what you like is what anyone else here likes. That's the problem really... a lot of types and gay men are pretty sexual for the most part.

Be brave, talk to any guy you find neat or attractive, be they straight or gay. The secret to meeting anyone is to cast your line often. It's the biggest secret that shouldn't be a secret... the more people you talk to the better your chances so get out out there and know that everyone else is just as shy as you are and SOMEBODY has to make the first move... may as well be you.

When I met my first boyfriend I thought I was seducing a straight guy... had no idea he was gay. I just wanted to meet him and next thing you know we were lovers. He was a great person but, alas, we were not meant to be together. We had a great deal in common but that wasn't enough. Life is hard... you'll just have to accept that. You'll know when you are in love... there will be absolutely no mistaking it. But don't move in with someone instantly... get to know them. If you plan to spend the next 50 years with someone, you really need to know who is going to clean the toilet. And you each need to have some interests of your own... life isn't a fairy tale. Darn.
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Re: Is it Me, or...?

Postby Earl Butz » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:00 am

Life is a fairy tale! Your prince charming will come, just be patient. I find discussing toilet cleaning on a first date is most appropriate. Get down to brass tacks. And I feel for you. I too had a killer body and a pretty face, and that's all guys saw. I got tons of sex, but no love.

Sorry. I've been smoking crack all night. :P
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age differences

Postby butch » Fri Jun 18, 2010 4:35 pm

Friday 18 June... I was thinking, today, about this thread (I'm retired, live alone, and have lots of thinking time on my hands). An acquaintance of many years (40) was by visiting. He's a little strange but we've known each other since I was the doorman at a gay club in the early 70's and he had the hots for me, I guess, but he was never my type...

Anyhow, because of his visit I was thinking about that period of my life. I was 28-29 during that period of time. The thing is, quite a few very young guys fell in love with me and it was always difficult for me when I realized that the "morning after" they were head over heals for me. These were guys barely legal or had managed to get into the club anyways. I like young guys so it was excellent for me... cute young guys falling all over me.

The thing is, I was just out of my first relationship by little more than a year and wasn't really looking but more interested in a "good time not a long time".

This kind of situation may be happening to you... you may be young and romantic and wanting a "steady" boyfriend but the somewhat older types may already have been through their first relationship and it didn't work out so they aren't looking anymore until "Mr. Right" as opossed to "Mr. Right Now" comes along.

They have more experience in the nature of love and relationships and mostly just want to get laid.

So... if you are younger and dating a guy 5-15 years older than you, don't come on to them too strong even if you feel that way. You may have a chance for a relationship but, to the older guy, you're just cute but immature and would be more work than fun as regards a relationship.

I tried hard to let the young ones down easily but it was never easy... they were often heartbroken to realize that I wasn't in love with them. I didn't intend to hurt their feelings but I, too, was immature and wasn't prepared for the kind of puppy love they showered on me... and we're talking quite a few young guys here. I seemed to be a magnet for them.

When I was 31, I saw a guy on the street who really turned me on. I walked up to him, introduced myself and invited him home. He was Mr. Right and I asked him immediately the next morning to be MY boyfriend and he moved in with me. He was obviously mature beyond his years, and I found him incredibly beautiful. I was his first experience and we lasted 18 years until he passed away.

This is him a year after I met him...
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This was me at the same time...
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I'm going on 66 now.

Just my thoughts for today.
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Re: Is it Me, or...?

Postby Earl Butz » Sat Jun 19, 2010 7:32 am

The bf looked like a young Art Garfunkel. Maybe it's just the hair. Very cute though.
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Re: Is it Me, or...?

Postby nimby » Sat Jun 19, 2010 8:08 pm

Butch, I bet you've lead an incredibly interesting life. Lucky you. That's what I want.
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Re: Is it Me, or...?

Postby butch » Sun Jun 20, 2010 12:32 am

nimby wrote:Butch, I bet you've lead an incredibly interesting life. Lucky you. That's what I want.


"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it"... Oscar Wilde

Yes, I have lead an incredibly interesting life... I find it hard, now that I have the aches and pains of driving in the fast lane, to accept I'm no longer 15. Darn. And I've made my share of really stupid mistakes.
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Re: Is it Me, or...?

Postby DeckApe » Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:58 am

butch wrote:I've made my share of really stupid mistakes.


I thought that was called 'experience.' :wink:
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Hindsight is easy.

Postby butch » Sun Jun 20, 2010 11:17 am

butch wrote:
nimby wrote:Butch, I bet you've lead an incredibly interesting life. Lucky you. That's what I want.


"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it"... Oscar Wilde

Yes, I have lead an incredibly interesting life... I find it hard, now that I have the aches and pains of driving in the fast lane, to accept I'm no longer 15. Darn. And I've made my share of really stupid mistakes.


Yes... experience is the only trusted teacher. "Hindsight is easy" as they say. The trick is to learn and grow. There are so many things I know now that I wished I'd known a long time ago... but if you know too much it's hard to be surprised or find a "fresh new look" in the day to day things that happen.

Not knowing ads some spice and excitement to life. Sometimes the anticipation is better than the actual experience. I think I enjoy being a teacher these days because I find happiness in watching others discover the things I already know... I feel that's why I enjoy kids and teenagers. They are a kind of entertainment to me.
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