Straight Guys Get Trained in Acting Straight

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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Straight Guys Get Trained in Acting Straight

Postby Learning » Sun Mar 29, 2009 5:43 pm

Where do straight guys go if they want to brush up on their "straight acting" skills? Workshops, DVDs, websites, and books now help guys present themselves in masculine and attractive ways. Some well-known trainers include Lance Mason, David Deangelo, Neil Strauss, Mystery, and becomsocial.com. Here are some links with information about them:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH5VvInM2es
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_rZ5kJlxGM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBKU5YOauBI
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game:_ ... up_Artists

These videos make masculine nonverbal style seem like something that could be learned. Still, someone attempting to adopt a new style would be working against lifelong habits of thinking, feeling, and acting. Also, because nonverbal communication and body movement have ties to underlying feelings, some of those feelings could come from biological factors making changes even more challenging.

One conclusion that can be drawn from the availability of these training materials is that "straight acting" does not necessarily go with being straight. Masculine style and sexual orientation are independent.
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Postby masculinity » Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:56 pm

The training and conditioning can only do so much. What they do is to basically brush up the inner masculinity of a person, to give him more methods of developing and expressing them... and to hide/ suppress their femininity if its just a minor aspect of their personality.

However, it would not work with gays, because, gays are predominantly feminine. They may adopt a few tricks and mannerisms, but if that is all straight acting guys want to attain, well, good luck to them, but any deeper interaction will bring out their inner femininity in no time.

Recently, a gay friend of mine wanted me to meet a guy who he claimed is completely 'straight-acting'. I only spoke to him on phone. He had a definite gay voice. When I asked about his interests there was not one manly interest... So, looking and acting the part takes you only this far. But I guess, Western society, is in any case is superficial... only interested in appearances.
Gays are a different species altogether from men (and women). They're not "men who like men," they are "third gender who like men."

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Paid to teach straight acting

Postby Learning » Sat Apr 11, 2009 3:18 pm

No one seems to be taking advantage of the opportunities to make money teaching gay guys to be "straight acting." With lots of personal ads asking for "straight acting" dates, there is obviously a market for anyone willing to show the way. Even straight guys pay to learn to act more masculine and more like alpha males. Do some of you have an idea what you would teach in a course on straight acting style?
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"Straight-acting" Alpha Male Training Tips

Postby Learning » Sat Apr 18, 2009 9:31 am

These videos help guys develop the strong, dominant style sometimes called "straight-acting."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAW4b6wHg_k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlxClW180E0

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... male&hl=en

http://fr.truveo.com/6-Tips-For-Showing ... 2269051109

Given that these videos are aimed at straight guys, it should be apparent that "straight-acting" style is about strength and power not gender or sexual orientation. Maybe in time, more gay men will be willing to push aside stereotypical expectations of weakness and effeminacy and reclaim that power.
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Postby darkwolf » Sun Apr 19, 2009 10:47 pm

I'm not sure I'm understanding that right. You would rather gay men be "straight acting" than be themselves. Not trying to jump to conclusions but that's what it sounds like. Some guys just are more effeminate, that's who they are. There is absolutely no reason they should try to act differently, if anything that would give gay men a bad name, cause it's saying its bad to be effeminate and they should avoid it at all costs, therefore increasing the probability in suicides in young kids cause they don't act straight which would therefore increase the pressure and stress of being different. Again I'm not trying to jump to conclusions about what you are saying, that's just what it sounds like.
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Nature and Nurture

Postby Learning » Mon Apr 20, 2009 5:15 pm

Thank you for sharing your concerns Darkwolf. Some of these issues would fit better in the thread "What to do about sissyphobia" under the effeminacy heading.

What conclusions can be drawn from the fact that straight guys pay for courses to develop their "straight acting" style?
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Postby furface » Mon Apr 20, 2009 9:49 pm

I don't know; maybe they're insecure and have been sold a bill of goods. :wink:
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Nature Meets Nurture

Postby Learning » Wed Apr 22, 2009 6:16 am

That could be Furface. What do you think would be needed in a confidence building course in "straight acting"? What problems might there be with courses like those in the videos?
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Postby furface » Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:10 am

The problem I see is the acting bit. It takes a tremendous amount of work and energy to create and maintain what amounts to a Potemkin facade. I believe that would be better used to build confidence in who you actually are rather than who you think the public (whoever that is :? ) would like you to be.

Be yourself and be happy with the unique individual you are. If you feel a need to change, I would suggest doing it because it'll make you happier with you; not because it makes 'society' happy that you can conform.

Learning, let's be honest here, your primary job during this l'il exercise called life is to be the best person you can be for you, not for the comfort of society.
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Nurturing Nature

Postby Learning » Thu Apr 23, 2009 6:00 am

Thank you for your thoughtful reply, Furface. Your focus on building a strong sense of self looks like good advice and a key part of "straight acting." Maybe you could fill in some more details.
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Re: Nurturing Nature

Postby foxeyes2 » Thu Apr 23, 2009 6:49 am

Learning wrote:Thank you for your thoughtful reply, Furface. Your focus on building a strong sense of self looks like good advice and a key part of "straight acting." Maybe you could fill in some more details.


No it has nothing to do with "straight acting". It is about being yourself and only yourself and whether that is considered masculine or feminine or somewhere in the middle that is not only okay but it is wonderful. Trying to be someone or something that you are not naturally takes a great bit of emotional energy. It drains you of your heart and soul and strangles you of your core essence. I don't worry about being straight enough or gay enough or anything enough because I am Monte enough and that my friend is all that matters.
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Nature and Nurture Continued

Postby Learning » Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:38 pm

Foxeyes2, you are making clear that you're operating from a different set of assumptions. They seem to be that 1. each of us has an already existing, difficult to change real self and 2. that some changes might not be relevant. You probably derive peace from this way of thinking and may be willing to accept the consequences.

Would you explain more about how you arrived at these conclusions?
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Re: Nature and Nurture Continued

Postby CollegePepper » Thu Apr 23, 2009 6:45 pm

Learning wrote:Foxeyes2, you are making clear that you're operating from a different set of assumptions. They seem to be that 1. each of us has an already existing, difficult to change real self and 2. that some changes might not be relevant. You probably derive peace from this way of thinking and may be willing to accept the consequences.

Would you explain more about how you arrived at these conclusions?


Generally speaking, the people who are happiest in life are those who are both happy with themselves, but also seek to constantly grow, expand, learn and change for the better. "Better" is all relative to the individual. For some, being "straight-acting" is a worthwhile goal that truly does make the individual happy, provided they can achieve it. And for others, that goal would be a draining waste of energy.

Many things in life are relative.
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Cross Cultural Confidence Building

Postby Learning » Sun May 03, 2009 9:46 am

Good points, College Pepper. Feeling relaxed and comfortable seems to be one of the biggest parts of "straight acting" style. This particular training video emphasizes the importance of being relaxed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaozC3pafaU

Ways of conveying confidence and strength are recognized in other cultures. You don't have to be an expert in Slavic languages to get the point of this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7Tszeasa7Q
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Postby Phoenix6570 » Mon May 04, 2009 8:17 am

I didn't watch any of the videos but the whole premise seems to be ridiculous in my opinion. People shouldn't watch videos to find a appropriate way to "act" If you want to see what works with people and what people people react the best to then just be the way you're and you'll get the best feedback by their reactions.

I think things like this are a big problem. To many people trying to tell people how to act and they're to many people out their willing to listen without questioning whether they need to or not.
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Postby nimby » Mon May 04, 2009 9:45 am

Ditto.

Too many people are loosing their own identity and relying on others (trained professionals) to teach them how to act, how to dress, how to communicate effectively. I just don't get it.

Why does anyone need a "life skills coach"?
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Postby Daknee » Mon May 04, 2009 5:14 pm

nimby wrote:Ditto.

Too many people are loosing their own identity and relying on others (trained professionals) to teach them how to act, how to dress, how to communicate effectively. I just don't get it.

Why does anyone need a "life skills coach"?


I agree Nimby, It reminds me of an old Twilight Zone episode 1964 Titled Number 12 Looks Just Like You. In this episode, when one reached a certain age, one would choose which one of 2 or 3, I can't remember which, models you would be converted to look like. There was a girl who was rebeling against this and everyone thought she was crazy. Not only were your looks changed but your free thinking went out the window too.

Funny too in this episode when you were depressed you drank a glass of "smile" to cheer you up. Keep in mind this was way before our current anti-depressants. Was Rod Serling psychic or what?

Wasn't it Hitler who wanted everone to look and be a certain way? HMMMMMMMM!!!!! :shock:
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Valuable Tested Information

Postby Learning » Tue May 05, 2009 6:30 am

It's natural for people to want to fit in to one group or another.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asch_confo ... xperiments

Just as people get useful advice from doctors, dentists, lawyers, barbers, plumbers, and mechanics, there is valuable tested information in the social sciences. When straight guys work to develop their "straight acting" style, they are learning to show confidence, dominance, relaxation, and strength.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ekman
http://businessballs.com/charisma.htm
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Assertiveness Training

Postby Learning » Mon May 11, 2009 7:32 pm

When women get trained in showing more confidence and strength, it's sometimes called "assertiveness training." Assertiveness training involves some of the same behaviors that go into "straight acting." Here are examples designed to make exercising power more comfortable for women:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/940386/se ... _bahavior/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNL-PFu6 ... re=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LgVgklO ... re=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKY2tbcO ... re=related
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Core Body Language

Postby Learning » Sat May 16, 2009 9:26 am

CoreBodyLanguageAttraction.com summarizes key points of "straight acting" body language. Even straight guys sometimes work on their style so they can learn to convey strength and confidence. Do these things describe what some of you would consider "straight acting"?

Here are key points:

- Your movements. They should be nonchalant, as if you're so fabulously successful that there's rarely a reason for you to rush nor try to impress anybody. Move through the world doing what you want and assuming that others will follow.


- Your movements. They should be nonchalant, as if you're so fabulously successful that there's rarely a reason for you to rush nor try to impress anybody. Move through the world doing what you want and assuming that others will follow.

- The displacement of your body. Your arms and legs should be spread out. Don't be afraid to take up space.

- Your voice. It should have a calm, soothing, and commanding effect. Don't speak too fast or strain your voice.

- Your face. Keep your facial muscles relaxed. Never tense your jaw, and only rarely should you frown or wrinkle your brow.

- Your shoulders. Keep them relaxed like they'd be if you just got a massage. Don't raise them up like a nervous person.


http://www.corebodylanguageattraction.c ... nguage.php
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"Badboy"

Postby Learning » Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:43 am

Croation trainer Badboy teaches basics of confidence and "straight acting" style. Some of his material is free.

Here are some of his youtube videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9ThuJKbmYQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQ0orOigEV0

Here is an article he published:

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Badboy1.html

Here is his website:

http://www.badboylifestyle.com/portal/

Badboy's strategies are designed for men seeking women, but would some gay men find Badboy's style appealing?
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Self-esteem & Being a Man

Postby Learning » Sun Jun 28, 2009 9:41 am

Patrick Fanning and Matthew McKay, authors of Being A Man: A Guide to the New Masculinity have written another book that coincidentally relates to the underlying states of mind that go with "straight-acting" style.

The book is called Self Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem. The book explains scientifically tested techniques for developing the mindset needed for relaxed, confident living.


http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cogni ... 1572241985
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Re: Straight Guys Get Trained in Acting Straight

Postby qwertz » Sun Jul 05, 2009 3:49 pm

Having met American guys, I have always been astonished by their straight acting. When I meet one of those straight acting guys, I usually go very low profile. Then you have 2 kind of reactions: either the guy overacts his straight acting part still more (rare), or he gets low or lower profile as well (more often). I often wondered where those guys did learn all this straight acting. Straight acting seems less important in Europe, although you often find "straight acting" in ads. Anyway straight guys seem to do lots of straight acting.
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Re: Straight Guys Get Trained in Acting Straight

Postby Daknee » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:49 am

qwertz wrote:Having met American guys, I have always been astonished by their straight acting. When I meet one of those straight acting guys, I usually go very low profile. Then you have 2 kind of reactions: either the guy overacts his straight acting part still more (rare), or he gets low or lower profile as well (more often). I often wondered where those guys did learn all this straight acting. Straight acting seems less important in Europe, although you often find "straight acting" in ads. Anyway straight guys seem to do lots of straight acting.


If you mean by "low profile" non-verbally saying I'm not going to play that game. As an American I want to agree with you Qwertz. I've never been to Eurpope but the Europeon men I've meet here do place less value on straight acting. I also feel In the United States we are more homophobic than in Europe. Correct me if you think I'm wrong with my last statment.
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Re: Straight Guys Get Trained in Acting Straight

Postby nimby » Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:36 am

Daknee wrote:If you mean by "low profile" non-verbally saying I'm not going to play that game. As an American I want to agree with you Qwertz. I've never been to Eurpope but the Europeon men I've meet here do place less value on straight acting. I also feel In the United States we are more homophobic than in Europe. Correct me if you think I'm wrong with my last statment.


I'd like to day that yup, your statement is correct. As a European man, I can safely say that European men are much more open with their emotions towards other men. Much more affectionate and tender. It has always been like that, and it doesn't make them any less masculine, except maybe by American standards. American standards on many subjects are very unique.
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