Not gay enough?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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Postby chidiver » Sat Mar 21, 2009 4:58 pm

Odeh wrote:A gay coat thief following the ski organization from bar to bar???


Your point being?
Homosexuality is like duck hunting. Interesting only to those who practice it, and for those who want to stop it.
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Postby Cachasa » Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:05 pm

Schlodesss wrote:Yeah it happened once...

I was convinced by a buddy and his BF, both fairly masculine regular dudes, who had this group of friends who were "bears" and they did "breakfast with the bears" every Sunday morning... I'll try anything once, so I met them at the restaurant and went.

First mistake was pulling up in a loud muscle car [my black 89 LX 5.0 all done up]. They just kinda looked at it like it was a polluting loud anti Christ.

Anyways, get inside and I have never been made to feel so uncomfortable in my entire life, for starters they were a bunch of *$#*@# queens with facial hair... that sat around gossiping, making fun of femmy Gay guys [I was like..HUH?] and just bitchy assholes in general.

Aside from my buddy and his BF who noticed this all [they apologized as soon as we got outside] the rest of them never spoke a word to me through breakfast... nothing...

They were having a BBQ later on that afternoon, the group of them and my friends were gonna go.. my friends asked in front of them if I wanted to come... I looked at the rest of them and said "nah that's ok, I have plans.... catch ya later."

I ran across the street jumped in my Stang, pulled out, got the car pointed straight, put the clutch back IN, matted it to about 5800, and let it hang and left about 200 feet of rubber through 4 gear changes up the main drag the restaurant was on.

I knew they would just think it was "fabulous". :roll:


I can't say much about the Bear movement or Bears in general. Because I'm not part of that scene.
But I really don't like it when so called "straight acting" men mock or criticize nelly guys for being to "effeminate". It's wrong. So what if guy is fem? Does that make him a bad person? No it doesn't. Guys like the ones you describe need to get over themselves.
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Postby Odeh » Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:38 pm

I guess because fem guys are frowned upon in this culture...which does not
make it right...
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Postby Odeh » Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:52 pm

I think in the gay male community you are dealing with a lot of insecure
people who are not sure of themselves..and it reflects that many seem to
make it their lifes work to gossip and put down other people outside their
little group..

Or they hide in the "gay thought police" mode...this one is gay enough, that
one is not..that one is masculine this one is not...

Are there many gay men not all of course whose emotional age is 15?? If so
why??...something is not adding up...
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not gay enough

Postby vbksound » Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:34 pm

think the anger at fems is because, if you're seeking a masculine man, and you go into the gay community, either in bars or online, you end up meeting mostly fems. Fems are all over. If there wasn't a severe shortage of genuninely masculine men in the gay community, you wouldn't hear alot of complaining. The gay community as "men who like men" is really false advertising. It's mostly 'transgenders who like men.'

People resent being fooled into thinking there would be masculine men, like the straight men they are attratcted to, in this community, then finding out its basically chicks with dicks.

I don't really care if queens think i'm not gay enough. I'm not gay, and I don't need acceptance from them anyway.
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Postby Daknee » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:54 pm

It all boils down to what we think of ourselves. If you think about it. In every aspect of your lives there's always some one to say we're not something enough. We're not family enough. We're not company enough. We're not neighborly enough, and so on. I learned we can't please everyone all the time. There will always be someone who we can't please not matter which route we take. The best thing to do is trust and value our own opinion. We, ourselves are the only ones we can and need to please. There is an old blues song from the early part of the 20th century the 1920's I believe call T'aint Nobody's Business. It talks about this very thing. One phares goes somthng like this, after talking about how no one can be pleased, So I'm gonna do what I want to any way. And I don't care what people say..................
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Postby nimby » Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:01 pm

What I've noticed is it's the fem gays who are most vocal about being accepted by society, yet they are the quickest to judge. When are they going to realize that they are their own worst enemies?
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Postby PhillyAgenda » Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:17 pm

I haven't had this experience, but I expect I'd have the same reaction as I would to someone who told me I wasn't black enough: get lost.
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Postby Odeh » Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:45 pm

"Chicks with dicks" I think that about nails it...female spirit in male bodies..
that seems to fit a lot of guys in the gay community in terms of social
behaviour...it seems many of them have a soft or weak edge in their
personalities...

In my experience it seems the genuinely masculine men that I have met
who liked guys were closeted or bisexual...The common thread seemed to
be that they moved(or knew how to move) socially among mainstream men and women...

They seemed to use individual means to meet guys like chat or personals
and moved on the fringes of the gay subculture if they had to...

I knew a guy who was bisexual and went to events of a gay organization
since he paid his membership...he didn't really like the guys because
he was a truck driver and rough and the guys were mostly educated..

He felt they looked down on him and were afraid of him and he didn't fit in
he would complain to me.."they are so prim and proper"...now he was
masculine with a non-soft edge...it would be like he would make a joke
and the guys would not laugh or he would make a comment to enter
a conversation and he would be ignored...

So I would get drafted to go to these parties with him so he would have
back up..because I "was a normal working man" like he was...

These guys concept of a party was standing around talking with classical
music playing in the middle of the room...talking about clients, patients..
or Steinfield??

I think a class element is in all of this too..

To me the guys were nice but they seemed bland and got on my nerves
sometimes...It was strange that they were not flaming queens but they gave off a different vibe than regular straight guys..

( It is interesting in the gay organizations they have the clause "open to
gay, bi trans, lesbi, and their straight friends...)...

Just some observatiions and my 2 cents..
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Postby nimby » Thu Mar 26, 2009 9:37 am

Odeh wrote:
In my experience it seems the genuinely masculine men that I have met
who liked guys were closeted or bisexual...The common thread seemed to
be that they moved(or knew how to move) socially among mainstream men and women...

They seemed to use individual means to meet guys like chat or personals
and moved on the fringes of the gay subculture if they had to...



Your assessment is bang on!!!
"Why do we have asteroids in the hemisphere and hemmorroids in the a$$ ? "
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Postby solitaryman1969 » Thu Mar 26, 2009 9:12 pm

I was with a few friends last night and the subject of bath houses came up.

I've never been to one and have no interest in going to one either, if it floats your boat, all the power to you.

A few people were, for lack of a better word: "offended", because according to them, every gay man should experience a bath house once in their lives.

Whatever. :roll:

I'm old enough to know what I want and don't want to do.
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Postby masculinity » Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:35 am

Who wants to be gay enough but the third sex?
Gays are a different species altogether from men (and women). They're not "men who like men," they are "third gender who like men."

http://youth-masculinity.blogspot.com
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Postby Pazuzu P. Sasquatch » Tue Mar 31, 2009 1:37 pm

I don't know which is sadder: Your simple-mindedness, or your narcisstic compulsion to shout it from the rooftops.
When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I don't want the world. I just want your half."
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Postby FRE » Thu Apr 16, 2009 12:58 am

This reminds me of what some blacks experience. They are told that they are not black enough, that they should act more black. What nonsense. As long as people are responsible, kind, and loving, such trivia as atypical mannerisms should be ignored.

When I lived in Fiji, a gay activist told me what he had experienced. He decided to establish a gay rowing team and got some guys interested. After a couple weeks, they guys realized that they were developing muscles and quit because they thought it inappropriate for gay men to be muscular! The guy that started the team was disappointed with them.
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Postby Phoenix6570 » Thu Apr 16, 2009 10:29 am

^ I've experienced that firsthand. Throughout my elementary middle and high school careers I had only one black friend until he moved. I didn't fit in with that crowd because I wasn't black enough for them. The more I hung out with other people I guess the less black I was to them.
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Postby darkwolf » Fri Apr 17, 2009 2:39 pm

I personally haven't experienced this, but I was wandering. What do they mean you don't act black enough, does that mean you have to be in a gang, a rapper, and drug dealer and all that stereotypical horse sh*t.
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Postby Phoenix6570 » Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:26 pm

I guess it was due to a number of things. I was never really big into the hip-hop culture so that instantly separated me from most of the black kids in my school. I was also into academics and school activities too, which didn't help my case any better. I guess as the years went by and I hung out with mainly white people I wasn't seen as black by their standards.
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Postby olywaguy » Sat Apr 18, 2009 6:12 pm

In other woods, you valued the meaning of education and was more concerned with your future than your fellow black classmates.

So to be black means to be uneducated, be in jail, and to be a burden to society?

If that is the case, you are in a much better path. You will show the rest of the world that it doesn't have to be that way.
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Postby Phoenix6570 » Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:25 pm

Yeah hopefully people will get it. For many years I was always referred to as being "white". Even by white kids. I guess it helped me learn at a young age that I wasn't going to fit in.
"As long as a person doesn't admit he's defeated, he is not defeated-- he's just a little behind, and isn't through fighting" ~ Darrel Royal
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Postby darkwolf » Sun Apr 19, 2009 10:49 pm

Well if that's the case then we could use some more white men like you. lol
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Postby PhillyAgenda » Mon Apr 20, 2009 6:34 pm

darkwolf wrote:I personally haven't experienced this, but I was wandering. What do they mean you don't act black enough, does that mean you have to be in a gang, a rapper, and drug dealer and all that stereotypical horse sh*t.

Phoenix already talked about this but I wanna agree it does seem to be several things, not just being into rap or drugs or gangs. From my experience it seems to be mostly about academics/grammar, being polite, manners etiquette things like that. It's a shame that so many kids have this mindset, but when I was in school being smart and getting good grades was not cool. The school I went to from 1st to 8th grade was predominantly black students. I think there were 2 white kids who graduated with us in 8th grade.

Things like getting good grades and speaking proper English instead of slang would get you called "white" as a black kid. I was called an "oreo" a few times when I was younger. If you haven't heard that term before, it's pretty easy to figure out.
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