How do straight-acting guys meet other straight-acting guys?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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How do straight-acting guys meet other straight-acting guys?

Postby DrHackenbush » Fri Jan 30, 2009 5:06 pm

Hi - I'm new to this site. Here's a question that I've been having trouble with pretty much forever.

I live out in the sticks, and that's cool. It's great, and I wouldn't live in town if you paid me. I work in construction, drive a truck, and listen to country music, just like all my straight buddies. No problem there. Trouble is, when you're a gay redneck, how do you meet guys? Unless they're really femme, it's hard to tell (and It's not like I'm into feminine guys anyway), and it's not like there's gay bars or anything like that closer than 25 miles away. Waste of gas, screw that.

My answer, so far, is that pretty much you don't meet anyone, and you deal with it. Any ideas?
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Postby Pazuzu P. Sasquatch » Fri Jan 30, 2009 5:48 pm

When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I don't want the world. I just want your half."
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Postby Cachasa » Fri Jan 30, 2009 6:13 pm

I find that on-line dateing works the best.
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Postby cloudy » Fri Jan 30, 2009 8:09 pm

I don't fit in with most gay men, even the ones who call themselves straight acting.

In my experience, really straight acting gay men simply don't hang out with other gay men, hardly at all.

Often they are already coupled... with another very straight acting guy and aren't much interested in the "crowd".

Here's the thing... if you see someone you like, no matter the situation... well it should happen when the guy is ALONE, not with friends. Simply talk to them... they might be gay.

I met my long term lover that way.

The thing is, don't be shy, and don't look in gay bars.

Try the street, or join a sports team or some kind of club where others exist who share your interests and likes.

My gay friends can't understand why I love and play hockey... I think they have missed the next best thing to sex and downhill skiing.

JUST DON'T BE SHY... I've serviced a lot of straight guys by simply asking.

But I was always a little butch
http://BUTCHBOARD.COM
"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go"
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Postby Odeh » Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:38 pm

In my experience, I have met very masculine guys on phone date lines
and newspaper personal ads..

They seem to operate on the fringes of the gay subculture know little or
nothing of where the bars are or other gay things they just know they
like guys and look for another guy on an individual basis.

For the most part, online dating DID NOT work for me at all...
gay bars and gay organizations didn't work at all...
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Postby olywaguy » Sat Jan 31, 2009 10:36 pm

Welcome to the Board DrHackenbush.

As you can see, I am an hour away from you in Olympia. I've been using the online dating resources as well. Gay.com, Manhunt, Craigslist, Match.com, you name it. I also happen to work at a very liberal arts college in town (you probably figure that one out).

There will be a Butch Board meeting in Seattle Feb. 20 - 22. It will be the first meeting of this group in the northwest. I encourage you to make plans to come and meet some of the guys. I was lucky enough to meet a few of the guys here when this group met in Vegas. Its incredible, a lot of the guys were the same in person as they were online. Very genuine guys.

Cloudy is right, though, involve yourself in activities that you enjoy and you will meet someone. Getting them alone is important so you can determine if they are or aren't. Invite them to lunch, go bowling, whatever you enjoy doing. The more time you spend with each other, the more you will know about him and see if there is anything there. If he's not gay, then you have a good buddy to hang out with.
Carlos

"I just want to suck his tongue out of his mouth !"--JPaul


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Postby cloudy » Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:32 pm

In smaller towns, the local bar, if it has a sit down area, is usually gay on a Saturday night which is a way to meet local gay folks. They may be, ehem, older... oh my god. Well, anyways, they have info on the local scene that only living there for many years can bring. Sometimes there are parties that are worth attending... sometimes not, but one must be adventurous.


Be brave and outgoing. Just ask.

Statistical studies have shown that the reason some guys get more than others is they have a secret that always works. They ask more people.

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:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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Postby johncub » Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:27 pm

I'm trying to do the same thing Quackenbush. I'm a little shy so with all the people around here where I live, it's still not easy for me.
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Postby olywaguy » Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:37 pm

johncub wrote:I'm trying to do the same thing Quackenbush. I'm a little shy so with all the people around here where I live, it's still not easy for me.


Have you posted profiles on online dating sites?
Carlos

"I just want to suck his tongue out of his mouth !"--JPaul


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http://carlos-the-critic.blogspot.com/
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Postby PhillyAgenda » Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:06 am

cloudy wrote:I don't fit in with most gay men, even the ones who call themselves straight acting.

In my experience, really straight acting gay men simply don't hang out with other gay men, hardly at all.


Seems to be my case as well. Gay guys I've met have been mostly feminine and didn't really have anything in common with. All my close friends are pretty much straight (unless someone's closeted but I doubt it).

Having very little success with the online thing.
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Postby vbksound » Wed Mar 11, 2009 3:24 pm

PhillyAgenda, if you are a truly masculine man you will understand that almost all straight men have a desire for men. Some may be more willing to act on it than others, however. Patience and willingness to forgo instant sex, and an ability to follow the 'man code' about such things are required.
If you are too attached to the concept of Gay as an identity, this will not work, however.
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Postby masculinity » Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:18 am

If males are all the same, and there is no difference between feminine gendered and masculine gendered males -- it all being a matter of social choices, without any natural basis, as the Western society proclaims -- then why do so-called straight-acting males have such strong preferences for other so-called straight-acting or even better, straight males.

It should follow that since gays, who are defined as men who like men, should be happy with just any males -- i.e. people with dicks (since all males with dicks are equally 'men', and all the same), why do the really masculine amongst the straight 'acting' gays keep rejecting feminine and even straight acting gays, even if it means having a sexually lonely life?

Can something so deep seated as gender preference be just a social construction?

Isn't there a definite separate category of "masculine males who like masculine males?" Aren't "men who like masculine males" different from "men who like feminine males" just as "men who like women" are different from gays ("men who like men")? Which clearly shows that there is a definite difference, even in the West, between masculine gendered and feminine gendered males.

I'm sure there would be a genetic basis for the difference between liking masculine males and feminine males.
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Postby Odeh » Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:52 pm

I noticed an interesting pattern in American newspapers:...In the personal
ad sections...they have Male seeking Female,Female seeking Male,Male
seeking Male,Female seeking Female..

Now only in the Male seeking Male sections does gender come up among the
males..they are either describing themselves as masculine or feminine..or
seeking someone masculine...it also seems every male is looking for a
masculine male...very few seem to be looking for queens...even though
few masculine guys like "she males"...

In the other sections you don't hear men saying Iam looking for a feminine
female..or a woman saying Iam looking for a masculine man or even a
woman looking for a masculine or feminine woman...

It is only in the male seeking male sections of mainstream newspapers
or gay male newspapers that gender comes up..
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Postby Pazuzu P. Sasquatch » Fri Mar 27, 2009 6:25 am

We're getting off-topic here. Where's the moderator?

We really don't need yet another thread hijacked by this crap.
When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I don't want the world. I just want your half."
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Postby neworleanshoo » Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:52 pm

I had the same question and was disappointed (and puzzled) to find out that you can't search the memberlist for other straight-acting guys who might live in your city. the search function is only for posts.

i know this isn't a dating site but it seems like a pretty obvious feature that you'd want to have. you can sort by city in ascending order, but it would take an hour to keep hitting "next" before i finally got to new york.

am i missing something?
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Postby xy » Fri May 22, 2009 11:49 pm

I remember when I first joined this site ages ago that there was a function where guys could connect with each other, but disappeared along with everything else after a major crash or something?

That was the main reason why I joined this site in the first place and is the main reason why I rarely ever come on here now. Though, I never conversed with anyone in my own city.

True there are plenty of dating sites out there now, but coming to this site to meet guys made the "sifting through garbage" process easier.
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Postby Cachasa » Sun May 24, 2009 3:20 am

Odeh wrote:I noticed an interesting pattern in American newspapers:...In the personal
ad sections...they have Male seeking Female,Female seeking Male,Male
seeking Male,Female seeking Female..

Now only in the Male seeking Male sections does gender come up among the
males..they are either describing themselves as masculine or feminine..or
seeking someone masculine...it also seems every male is looking for a
masculine male...very few seem to be looking for queens...even though
few masculine guys like "she males"...

In the other sections you don't hear men saying Iam looking for a feminine
female..or a woman saying Iam looking for a masculine man or even a
woman looking for a masculine or feminine woman...

It is only in the male seeking male sections of mainstream newspapers
or gay male newspapers that gender comes up..



I read about that. One study that I found said that gay people in North America tend to form relationships with people that have the same "Levels of Gender Conformity"...So butch guys prefer other butch guys and nelly guys like other nelly guys. This happens Lesbians to apparently just a bit less strongly.

From what I've heard SA guys tend to be on the fringes of the community most of the time so to meet guys they take out adds in newspapers and gay flyers and stuff. The Nelly guys are more integrated in the community so they don't need to take out the adds. I think it's just a bunch SA guys who being uncomfortable with the community take out adds looking for guys that are like them and who have the same interests and stuff.
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Postby Odeh » Sun May 24, 2009 10:47 pm

There are a lot of "SA" guys who are totally ignorant of the "gay
community" they know nothing of the bars, the organizations,events etc.

Their social company is with mainstream regular males and are integrated
with them..All they know is that they like guys and they may place an ad
to meet another individual guy for friendship...They seem to use the term

"friendship" a lot in these ads as opposed to lover or boyfriend..I know some
who use the term "gay" as a verb not a noun..as in "I am gay with my friend
Tom but not with my friend Robert"...(notice the person never said "I am a
gay male")..

These must be the invisible people who can't be classified as "gay" or
"straight"...I suspect this is what the DL is...
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Postby Odeh » Sun May 24, 2009 10:55 pm

They seem to be regular guys who like regular guy things: cars,gym and
sports and other regular guys...They are very masculine and are in the
habit of referring to you as "buddy"...One invited me over to watch the foot
ball game with him and a have a beer..
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Postby olywaguy » Mon May 25, 2009 11:15 am

Odeh wrote:They seem to be regular guys who like regular guy things: cars,gym and
sports and other regular guys...They are very masculine and are in the
habit of referring to you as "buddy"...One invited me over to watch the foot
ball game with him and a have a beer..


...and what else happened? :D
Carlos

"I just want to suck his tongue out of his mouth !"--JPaul


http://www.askcarlos.com/
http://carlos-the-critic.blogspot.com/
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Postby Odeh » Mon May 25, 2009 7:15 pm

got :shock:
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