Does anyone here have a fag hag?

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

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Postby dracuscalico » Sun Dec 07, 2008 1:40 pm

medguy13 wrote:I undeniably have one absolute fag hag best friend, but we were best friends before she ever knew I was gay.

Our relationship was so, so, so close that it bordered on outright dependent on each other. Thank God we addressed that and made an effort to give each other some space. But to this day we are still the biggest "Will and Grace" couple ever. We went on a 10 day tour of Cali together, and everyone probably thought we had been married for 50 years.

If anyone listen to the SavageLove Cast then you can actually hear us together on the "Fag Hag" episode where Dan brought to light our problem.


Perhaps you two could get married and start a Televangelism Ministry...


:twisted:
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Postby stiletto » Wed Dec 10, 2008 10:08 pm

I have like 4 of them :o ... I think most of the women I hang out with tend to be what you could call 'fruit flies' (I prefer that term to 'fag hag', as it's a little more flattering.)
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Postby ballsy25 » Sun Dec 14, 2008 4:32 am

i think re: the str8 acting issue this could go either way. on da one hand, you have the whole male-centric idea, like im macho-masculine and i don't want anything to do with girls. on da other hand, it can be really masculine to be comfortable around women, like you've got this crazy sex appeal to where u just don't care. tough call.

personally, im more of the former. i've spent my whole life around guys... hangin' out, talkin', playin' sports all that. its how i feel most comfortable. girls confuse me lolz

for whatever reason tho, girls seem to LOVE me lolz i know what yer sayin about the "gay best friend" thing, but even girls who don't know anything about my sexuality get all up on my nuts. not to be conceited lolz, im just tryna say that it really does go both wayz.
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Postby Cachasa » Tue Dec 16, 2008 1:08 pm

I was thinking the other day, and I've come to the conclusion that fag hags are the ultimate posers. They have this view of the gay community and they want so bad to be a part of it but they can't so they hang around gay guys in order to be part of the community by extension. haha
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Postby masculinity » Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:37 am

Only fags (queers, fruits, gays, homos, pansies...) have fag hags... Fag hags are basically women who like being with the third gender (they're attracted -- at least, socially -- by the femininity of those gays, not their desire for men)...
Last edited by masculinity on Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
Gays are a different species altogether from men (and women). They're not "men who like men," they are "third gender who like men."

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Postby masculinity » Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:47 am

ballsy25 wrote:i think re: the str8 acting issue this could go either way. on da one hand, you have the whole male-centric idea, like im macho-masculine and i don't want anything to do with girls. on da other hand, it can be really masculine to be comfortable around women, like you've got this crazy sex appeal to where u just don't care. tough call.

personally, im more of the former. i've spent my whole life around guys... hangin' out, talkin', playin' sports all that. its how i feel most comfortable. girls confuse me lolz

for whatever reason tho, girls seem to LOVE me lolz i know what yer sayin about the "gay best friend" thing, but even girls who don't know anything about my sexuality get all up on my nuts. not to be conceited lolz, im just tryna say that it really does go both wayz.


The traditional roles of masculinity and manhood are quite clear about it:

Only an interest in vaginal intercourse with women is considered manly... And only an interest in women that is limited to penetrating them constitutes manhood.

Any further interest or intimacy with women, whether its social, romantic or emotional goes in the realm of queerhood. Even a sexual interest that goes beyond vaginal penetration (like desiring to give oral sex to women or to be huggy-huggy or mushy-mushy with women) is also considered queer and unmanly -- including holding hands with a woman in public.. (of course the heterosexualized west has changed that deliberately).

At the sametime, REAL men are supposed to relate with other men, socially, emotionally, and even sexually... Only the desire to be penetrated by a man, either orally or anally is considered Queer or gay (along with the above mentioned traits), the sexual desire or need for a male body or for the man in itself is not considered queer at all... and so men openly display and acknowledge a sexual interest in other men's bodies... and form deep emotional/sexual bonds with each other... But they never acknowledge getting penetrated, if they ever do it.

E.g. two men who masturbate with each other, will not be considered gay, even if they may do it for their entire life and never take on a girl...

Indeed, all the machoistic societies are built upon those values... The West is a Queer society, that's why its heterosexual.

Are the traditional values of manhood, anti-women? Not unless you believe the Western crap that women need to be with men (or vice-versa) and to share their spaces and bond with them and all that... In nature they don't, its a need artificially created by the Western society.

In fact, these macho men from traditional societies have tremendous respect for women. They protect them. They just don't bond with them, and keep their spaces separate. That's natural... and not oppressive.
Gays are a different species altogether from men (and women). They're not "men who like men," they are "third gender who like men."

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Postby J » Mon Dec 22, 2008 8:14 pm

Female friends = yes.

Fag hags = no.

I think u gotta be a fag to have the hag, and I'm simply a gay guy who isn't the type.
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Postby masculinity » Tue Dec 23, 2008 2:34 am

J wrote:Female friends = yes.

Fag hags = no.

I think u gotta be a fag to have the hag, and I'm simply a gay guy who isn't the type.

I wish I could convince you to not to be a 'gay guy who loves men', but a 'striaght guy who loves men' or just a 'man who loves men'.

It is very empowering for masculine gendered males to get rid of the queer 'gay' identity by rejecting the invalid, oppressive and anti-man definition of 'sexual orientation' invented in the modern West. And it is the only way to liberate straight men from imposed 'aversion' to intimacy with other men.
Gays are a different species altogether from men (and women). They're not "men who like men," they are "third gender who like men."

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Postby J » Tue Dec 30, 2008 6:47 pm

Agreed, agreed.

How about "a dude who likes other dudes"?

Or something along those lines...?

By the way, isn't "gay" really supposed to mean "happy"? And "queer" is supposed to mean "strange" (with no sexual meaning behind it, at least not at first)?

Remember when I used to get up on that soap box and denounce stereotypical "gay" ideals? I think I've just matured some now that I'm in my late 20s.
:mrgreen:
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Postby masculinity » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:42 am

J wrote:[color=black]Agreed, agreed.

How about "a dude who likes other dudes"?

Or something along those lines...?


Maybe, but just think about this.

For people who've grown up in a society where everyone is tagged with a sexual identity and kept in one of the two jars they've created, its not easy to see yourself without a sexual identity. And, even if you try hard to do it, when you see straight males behaving 'heterosexual' and being hostile to the very idea of sexuality between males, then its not easy to see yourself as one of them, if you have a fully developed sexuality for men, that you're proud of.

Yet, if you could believe (that like other westerners you probably wouldn't) that all straight males have an inherent sexual need for men, (that in the West is mutilated to a large extent, but still survives and can be observed if you know how to look for it...), then it would not be difficult at all for you to not only see yourself as one of the straights, but, also not to have to define yourself in terms of your sexuality at all. You can then just relax about your sexuality, and just be a man. That is it.

In that case, liking another man would be as much part of being straight as having two eyes. And you don't call yourself, a man with two eyes -- why? because there's nothing unusual about it.

That is why I am so intent on sharing my experiences of living in a society, where straight male sexual interest in men was, till recently relatively quiet open, at least within the men's spaces. It was even acknowledged in this space as 'masti'. And ALL MEN WERE OPEN TO SEXUALITY BETWEEN MEN IN VARIOUS FORMS (although, not necessarily anal/ oral sex as such). What was openly acknowledged was that ALL men find other men's body sexually arousing and would be interest in looking, touching, feeling, masturbating, etc. with other men -- depending upon how much the society allowed them as 'straights' (which is 'zero' in the west).

This year, in my new office, one after the other I tried every young man in the office -- who all became intensely involved with me (romantically or in a flirting kind of way... never really getting down to sex... I'm not that type). Aall this goes on without being acknowledged though, straights relate sexually with men, without acknowledging anything, especially in these days of intense heterosexulaization... so much so that I had a choice to accept or reject them... and rejected all of them, till I chose one, and we became intensely involved with each other. It's been like this in all the social situations I've been.

In my society, till recently, a male was not seen as 'gay', unless he was effeminate and was interested actively in receiving receptive anal/ oral sex. If you were masculine and had an interest in men, you were seen as 'straight' even if you'd no sexual interest in women. Now, with westernization things have changed, but you're still not conisdered 'gay' for having an interest in other men. Its only when this attraction is exclusive do they consider you 'gay'. And I'm fighting against this imposing of Westernized values.

The straights in the West are just the same, only they've no space at all to claim their sexual interest in men and have to prove that they are repulsed by such a thing, because, proving this gives them extreme social manhood and power in the society, and if they don't, they are ridiculed as 'gay' -- a fate worse than death for them (because of its association with being 'queer').

Therefore, if you can understand this basic nature of universality of male sexual desire for men, you will then have no problem in identifying as being one of the straights, even with an exclusive sexual need for men, even if other straights are, under social pressures and conditioning, acting hostile against male-male intimacy. It only means, that the society is playing politics with men's sexuality and gender, and that you may not be able to express your sexual feelings for men openly in the straight space and may need to hide yourself, and may have to use the queer, gay space for expressing your sexuality. It still doesn't make you one of them. You're just using their space, as an outsider, like an artificial arrangement, because, this is the only space the society has created for such needs. It's like being 'practical'.

In other words, then, in your mind, you'll be clear that you're a straight, whether or not the world recognizes it. One day, it will, when there'll be several like you.
Gays are a different species altogether from men (and women). They're not "men who like men," they are "third gender who like men."

http://youth-masculinity.blogspot.com
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Re: Does anyone here have a fag hag?

Postby trdsf » Thu Jan 08, 2009 9:09 pm

Cachasa wrote:Well?

Do straightacting men and bears even have fag hags?


Hell, I was married to a self-described one for two and a half years. Once we corrected *that* little mistake, she's been my personal fag hag ever since. :D
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Re: Does anyone here have a fag hag?

Postby dracuscalico » Thu Jan 08, 2009 10:07 pm

Cachasa wrote:Well?

Do straightacting men and bears even have fag hags?


Straight-acting guys, NO because they are not open enough for women to want to be their "best girlfriend".

Bears, some might have MAMA Bears tagging along, unless the leather bar has sense and keeps the whole thing or at least a section of the place MEN only.
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Postby mrbrian200 » Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:32 am

Most women I know would be considered acquaintances. Over the years there has been a handful obviously looking to be my hag. Every case I've found them too annoying and/or mentally unstable to feel comfortable spending the time they seem to need. Usually they give up eventually to find a str8 boyfriend to pay them the attention they seem to think will make them happy.

I am wary of dating dudes that pander to these women. They along with their hags tend to be unusually needy and unstable.
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Postby dracuscalico » Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:44 pm

It's a co-dependent love-hate relationship, sort of a twisted sibling rivalry.

(similar to when two women become best girlfriends, now that I think about it.... :wink: )
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Postby fsu_cj » Sat Jan 24, 2009 12:17 am

I don't have a "fag hag", I do however, have a "fruit fly" :P
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Postby doctor dan » Sat Jan 24, 2009 12:26 pm

mine is a fairy princess. :lol:
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