I wore a "wedding ring" to a job interview.

Discussion on what it means to be straight acting, whether it's good, bad or indifferent.

Moderators: selective_soldier, furface

I wore a "wedding ring" to a job interview.

Postby jkav » Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:49 pm

It has been my experience that interviewers respond better to married people, particularly married men, over singles. Not to say that being married qualifies a candidate for a job they're unqualified to perform, but given a choice between a married guy and a single guy with equal experience, I think the interviewer would lean toward the married guy.

First reason: the married guy is (as some people are quick to believe) the head of a household; the provider for a wife and possibly children. The single guy is the provider for himself.

Second reason: The wedding ring symbolizes (again, as some are quick to believe) the end of the youthful partying days, and the beginning of "grown-up responsibilities." Especially for people my age, a 20-something candidate working his way through college is WAY different from a 20-something candidate working his way through college with a family to support.

So, I moved my $5 ring off my thumb and onto my ring finger. When I did it, I honestly didn't even think anything of it. I just figured that banks aren't too keen on thumb rings, so it ended up on the ring finger. But later, my friend called me a sell-out, so I had to come up with all these reasons to rationalize what I did, like it was some major betrayal of my true nature.

I shall now yield the floor to responses, if there so be any.
User avatar
jkav
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 800
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:47 pm
Location: Saint Louis, Missouri

Postby blackmet » Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:57 pm

I say "if you don't accept me as a single, 26 year old man, we're probably not a good fit anyway."

I won't bring up the gay in interviews. You can figure that out later. If I want you to.
We can sit for a while and talk about
The things that bring you down
Like heaven and martini's
And boys that hang around
If if told you my biggest secret
Would you promise me you'd stay?
It isn't what you're thinking
It's simple in a way
User avatar
blackmet
Member
 
Posts: 308
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:24 am
Location: Wheat Ridge, Co.

Postby dracuscalico » Thu Oct 30, 2008 11:41 pm

Just because it's a ring it doesn't say anything about which gender it is you are attached to. Male flight attendants have been told to wear a wedding ring for YEARS as part of their uniform. Not only to make the gay ones non-threatening to the male customers, but also to make the straight ones non-threatening to the female customers as ANY male who is not officially attached is view as a potential threat in our society one way or another.

As far as selling out. Your friend won't complain if you get the job and if he gets to enjoy some of the perks that might come with it...
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Postby Earl Butz » Fri Oct 31, 2008 2:41 am

Doesn't it say "single" on your resume?

Honesty should be priority #1 in life. If you can fake that, you've got it made. :P
A hard man is good to find!
User avatar
Earl Butz
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1370
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:51 am
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Postby GX » Fri Oct 31, 2008 4:26 pm

I don't know that a ring would help either way...trying to pass yourself off as a minority would probably be the better route to go.
User avatar
GX
Member
 
Posts: 153
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2004 9:16 pm
Location: Florida

Postby dracuscalico » Fri Oct 31, 2008 8:07 pm

Earl Butz wrote:Doesn't it say "single" on your resume?

Honesty should be priority #1 in life. If you can fake that, you've got it made. :P


I think in America they don't ask if you are married or single anymore, but I might be mistaken. It makes it easy to discriminate if you know someone's marital status.

If a woman is young and single they can't count on longevity because women often leave their jobs when they get married, while men work harder after getting married.

If a woman is older has already had her all children she's a safer bet than a young woman who could miss lots of time when she STARTS having kids. Meanwhile when men start having kids, they work overtime hours.

Conversely a single mom is going to be more stable and less likely give up her job if she gets married, because she knows what it's like to be let down and stuck supporting kids on her own, so she's going to keep her job as a safety net. Guys who are single dads are gold, they aren't going anywhere, ever.
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Postby Pazuzu P. Sasquatch » Sat Nov 01, 2008 6:43 am

Inquiring as to marital status is illegal these days, at least in my state.

The "man/woman/kids" family configuration is, in large part, an economic unit. Employers tend to prefer hiring married men with families because these men are the least likely to tell the boss to go fu** himself. (This also partially explains the traditional discrimination against gay males. Guys without wives/kids to worry about are way less likely to take sh*t from the boss.)

This has all been changing since those awful 60s, of course, and thank God for that. . . .
When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I don't want the world. I just want your half."
Pazuzu P. Sasquatch
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 615
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:58 am
Location: Troy, Ohio

Postby dracuscalico » Sat Nov 01, 2008 4:56 pm

Pazuzu P. Sasquatch wrote:Inquiring as to marital status is illegal these days, at least in my state.

The "man/woman/kids" family configuration is, in large part, an economic unit. Employers tend to prefer hiring married men with families because these men are the least likely to tell the boss to go fu** himself. (This also partially explains the traditional discrimination against gay males. Guys without wives/kids to worry about are way less likely to take sh*t from the boss.)

This has all been changing since those awful 60s, of course, and thank God for that. . . .


But along the line of the same stereotype, wouldn't a gay male be a doormat as well?

Because the gay male has no family responisbilities, he would be perfect for working extra shifts that no one wanted because they had to do stuff with their families.

A gay male isn't going to take maternity leave, but maybe parental leave for adopting, but how many are in stable enough relationships to consider adopting when their serious relationships last as long as Hollywood marriages?

Gay guys would be perfect for jobs that require lots of travel. Perfect for any job where having any kind of roots, gets in the way. Even if all the spies were gay, there wouldn't be any worry about a Mata Hari, or some "Bond Girls" expoliting the "male weakness".

Think about it, wouldn't you want your federal agents, bouncers and bodyguards NOT to be straight so they can't be distracted by the usual diversion of sending in a "harmless helpless female" ?
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Postby Earl Butz » Sun Nov 02, 2008 3:18 am

Geez I was so naive when I went job hunting. I didn't even consider all this stuff. And I had "single" right at the top of my resume.

And once I got hired, I was so disappointed to find out education was not valued at all. They could spend less time training me, and that was about it. I saw total morons promoted, who had no education at all.

That was like a kick in the teeth to me. :(
A hard man is good to find!
User avatar
Earl Butz
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1370
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:51 am
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Postby dracuscalico » Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:32 am

Morons are promoted because they are non-threatening. You don't want someone more educated or talented than you right under you. That would be like an actor having an understudy who is younger and better looking with a better voice.... career suicide. If people are smart, their top priority is keeping the power they have and you don't do that by creating unecessary competition for yourself.
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Postby chidiver » Sun Nov 02, 2008 9:10 am

I thought about the wedding ring thing, but decided that I couldn't keep up the lie; I'm very bad at fibbing. I recently interviewed for a job with a branch of a Salt Lake company that I'm pretty sure was Mormon owned. The guy actually asked me about my family in the interview.

Years ago I worked for an Internet start-up that got pinched when the Internet bubble burst. There was an announcement that paychecks would be delayed while they searched for more funding for the company. I later found out that some people got paid and some did not. It pissed me off because some of the ones getting paid were my friends and they didn't tell me. When I found out and confronted management I was told that they were "family men and needed the money." Yes, they also had wives who had jobs and paychecks as well. What really ticked me off was that the department I ran was the only one generating positive cash flow for the company.
User avatar
chidiver
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 963
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 6:49 pm
Location: Chicago

Postby dracuscalico » Sun Nov 02, 2008 10:21 am

chidiver wrote:I thought about the wedding ring thing, but decided that I couldn't keep up the lie; I'm very bad at fibbing. I recently interviewed for a job with a branch of a Salt Lake company that I'm pretty sure was Mormon owned. The guy actually asked me about my family in the interview.

Years ago I worked for an Internet start-up that got pinched when the Internet bubble burst. There was an announcement that paychecks would be delayed while they searched for more funding for the company. I later found out that some people got paid and some did not. It pissed me off because some of the ones getting paid were my friends and they didn't tell me. When I found out and confronted management I was told that they were "family men and needed the money." Yes, they also had wives who had jobs and paychecks as well. What really ticked me off was that the department I ran was the only one generating positive cash flow for the company.


One thing my father told me is, never be friends with people you work with. It only gives them an edge when they will always be your competition. He also said always drive your old car to work, so your bosses don't get jealous over how well you're doing.

With regards to the job interview asking about family, if you're surrounded by an entire culture that permits that, it's kind of difficult to sue or anything unless you get press outside of that environment to pay attention. You could always ask, "are you hiring an individual or are you hiring a family?"
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Postby jkav » Sun Nov 02, 2008 9:24 pm

I have a follow-up interview tomorrow morning, and my ring is at my friend's house, so we'll see what happens without it. I guess every experiment needs a control.
User avatar
jkav
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 800
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:47 pm
Location: Saint Louis, Missouri

Postby dracuscalico » Sun Nov 02, 2008 9:27 pm

What happened to the photo with the glasses and blonde hair? NOW we have to get used to you all over again.....

I think you need to go back and get that ring. It's just like an auditon callback, come back without changing anything because you don't know which element is responsible for your second chance.
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Postby DerWanderer » Mon Nov 03, 2008 12:27 am

Oh no no no.

If it comes up you just tell them you got a divorce because of your wife's uncreditworthiness. :P
DerWanderer
Member
 
Posts: 153
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2004 1:03 am
Location: Michigan

Postby dracuscalico » Mon Nov 03, 2008 3:27 am

DerWanderer wrote:Oh no no no.

If it comes up you just tell them you got a divorce because of your wife's uncreditworthiness. :P


That's a GREAT cover story if they start snooping into your personal life ! Never heard that one before. There's always been the girlfirend who is a flight attendant story or the broke up from a bad relationship story or the killed in an accident story or the somewhat risky left you for someone else story. But yours is one they probably would believe because they haven't heard it before!
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Postby jkav » Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:52 pm

Married, single, straight, gay... who knows what works and what doesn't. In the end, I GOT THE JOB. Now comes the question of how "gay" to be during my first couple weeks, or whether to be gay at all.
User avatar
jkav
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 800
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:47 pm
Location: Saint Louis, Missouri

Postby Pazuzu P. Sasquatch » Sat Nov 08, 2008 7:49 am

What's that mean? Whether or not to suck d*ck on the job? :shock:

Just be you.
When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I don't want the world. I just want your half."
Pazuzu P. Sasquatch
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 615
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:58 am
Location: Troy, Ohio

Postby jkav » Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:55 am

I'll be working at a bank, and a rather conservative one based on my observation. It's always a tightrope walk whether to let the gay out in full from day one, or phase it in. Since I'm a relatively "new gay," I've never been completely gay at work from my first day onward, so part of me is excited about a new batch of co-workers who I can be myself around right from the start.
User avatar
jkav
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 800
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:47 pm
Location: Saint Louis, Missouri

Postby Pazuzu P. Sasquatch » Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:04 am

Judging by the male tellers at my own bank, I don't think you have a lot to worry about.
Last edited by Pazuzu P. Sasquatch on Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:21 am, edited 2 times in total.
When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I don't want the world. I just want your half."
Pazuzu P. Sasquatch
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 615
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:58 am
Location: Troy, Ohio

Postby jkav » Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:18 am

Pazuzu P. Sasquatch wrote:Judging by the male tellers at my own bank, I don't think you have a lot to worry about.

Indeed. Take a sample group of 10 mellers... I'd guess about 60% gay on average.
User avatar
jkav
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 800
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:47 pm
Location: Saint Louis, Missouri

Postby Pazuzu P. Sasquatch » Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:20 am

Just worry about learning your job and doing it well. The rest will fall into place.

Thus spake Pazuzu. . . . Good luck. :wink:
When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I don't want the world. I just want your half."
Pazuzu P. Sasquatch
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 615
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:58 am
Location: Troy, Ohio

Postby dracuscalico » Sat Nov 08, 2008 1:47 pm

WHY do you need to tell them ANYTHING? They are co-workers and your potetntial competition to whom you are a new threat. You're not there to make friends with them. You are there to work with them. Is it necessary to tell everyone on the job your religious beliefs, or other personal information that has nothing to do with job performance? Also how open you are could work against you as far as advancement as a gay person who keeps it to themselves is usually preferred to one who openly discloses it.
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Postby jkav » Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:49 pm

dracuscalico wrote:WHY do you need to tell them ANYTHING? They are co-workers and your potetntial competition to whom you are a new threat. You're not there to make friends with them. You are there to work with them. Is it necessary to tell everyone on the job your religious beliefs, or other personal information that has nothing to do with job performance? Also how open you are could work against you as far as advancement as a gay person who keeps it to themselves is usually preferred to one who openly discloses it.


Good point. Let me put forth an example. I'm Catholic, and I've never purported to be anything other than Catholic when asked by friends, co-workers, etc. It's not a big deal. On the other hand, I have lied to co-workers in the past by telling them I was straight, when clearly I'm not. To me, denying it, skirting the issue, changing the subject, etc., is akin to being ashamed of it. And furthermore, any time I had pretended to be straight to my co-workers and they asked anything beyond the simplest of questions, I crumpled under the pressure like a cheap Chinese fan.

Perhaps I could just develop the reputation of being a "private person," and then it wouldn't matter.
User avatar
jkav
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 800
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:47 pm
Location: Saint Louis, Missouri

Postby dracuscalico » Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:46 pm

I'm not saying you have to create a charade. But you don't have to tip your hand (pun) either. There's a reason why employers aren't supposed to ask you certain personal questions.

Look at what the stars do. They don't discuss their personal life unless there is a spouse they are talking about. Again, the safe thing to do, is just see what the lay of the land is and how "friendly" or conservative the environment is before making any unnecessary declarations. Feeling compelled to tell someone up front, could also be construed that you have something to be ashamed of, as in "getting it off your chest"....
dracuscalico
Veteran Member
 
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:48 pm


Return to Straight Acting Men

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron